Sue K
28 Nov 2010, 13:36
Scarves and Meat Loaf save lives in winter
By Stephen Hunt, Calgary Herald November 28, 2010 1:03 AM
It's hard to believe, after the 10 days of frozen hell we just endured, but winter doesn't officially start for three more weeks.
I guess the last two weeks were just the pre-season.
Winter is hard. Winter is cold. It gets dark early. Winter in Canada provides a lot of opportunities for people to ask themselves existential questions, such as what did I do in my previous life to deserve this?
I'm a winter snob. I spent 20 of them in Winnipeg, the coldest city in the planet with a population of over 100,000. (We narrowly edged out Edmonton and Vladivostok, Russia).
One of my first jobs, as a teenager, was pumping gas for Domo, those island gas bars you see in the parking lots of Safeway, if you happen to be in Winnipeg.
As luck would have it, I ended up pumping gas during the winter of 1979, Winnipeg's coldest in 35 years.
The worst night of all was when then prime minister Joe Clark's finance minister John Crosbie announced a budget that included a 16-cent per gallon increase in the price of gas.
Naturally, the temperature was 37 below. There were cars lined up outside my gas bar for blocks, queuing up for one final tank of cheap gas.
All of which taught me two things:
1. Never level with the electorate if you are a politician. You are better off lying.
2. Winter, like Rodney Dangerfield and members of organized crime families, must be respected.
Calgary isn't Winnipeg when it comes to winter, but there are stretches when it really kicks us in the teeth.
At the same time, there just seems to be a lack of respect for winter and the havoc it can wreak. I see these winter disrespecters all the time, and I am tempted to stop, to explain that in Canada, you don't mess with winter.
I don't though. There's no telling how a winter extremist will react when confronted on a snow-covered street.
Here are a few of the people I speak of:
-Winter Cycling Guy. He's as skinny as a teenager, even at 34, 44 or 54. He's good for the environment, but bad for winter traffic. I have two words; bus pass!
-Shirtless Football Fan. Must seem like a great idea when your smartphone fills with text messages from college pals who saw you on TSN. Then you wake with a tuberculosis-tinged hangover.
-Shorts Wearing Guy. The temperature creeps up over zero after a cold spell, and Shorts Wearing Guy appears on the streets -- in mid-February. Keep your knees in your pants a little while longer, buddy!
-Cute Shoes. It's -17 C and you're heading out. There aren't going to be any extended stays in the outdoors. Are there? (Next question: What looks cute on frozen stumps where your toes used to be?)
-Hatless. One day, there will be a fashion show where all the models have their hair static-charged, from yanking wool toques on and off their heads, causing them to have an advanced case of Albert Einstein hair. Until then, there will always be a few aspiring news anchors tempted to navigate winter hat-free. Don't do it!
-All Temperature Jogger Guy. It's 37 below out and the north wind is blowing snow so hard you can't see what colour the light is at the corner of 10th and Memorial, and then a posse of joggers sprints past, determined to get in their 10-k run. Either that, or die.
With that out of the way, here are a few more things I know about winter, learned from pumping gas at Domo.
1. Layer up.
2. No hat is too goofy if it provides good ear cover.
3. Scarves save lives.
4. There is no shame coming home stinking like unleaded.
5. The best way to psyche yourself up to work for seven hours in -35 is to play Meat Loaf's Bat Out of Hell, really, really loud.
By Stephen Hunt, Calgary Herald November 28, 2010 1:03 AM
It's hard to believe, after the 10 days of frozen hell we just endured, but winter doesn't officially start for three more weeks.
I guess the last two weeks were just the pre-season.
Winter is hard. Winter is cold. It gets dark early. Winter in Canada provides a lot of opportunities for people to ask themselves existential questions, such as what did I do in my previous life to deserve this?
I'm a winter snob. I spent 20 of them in Winnipeg, the coldest city in the planet with a population of over 100,000. (We narrowly edged out Edmonton and Vladivostok, Russia).
One of my first jobs, as a teenager, was pumping gas for Domo, those island gas bars you see in the parking lots of Safeway, if you happen to be in Winnipeg.
As luck would have it, I ended up pumping gas during the winter of 1979, Winnipeg's coldest in 35 years.
The worst night of all was when then prime minister Joe Clark's finance minister John Crosbie announced a budget that included a 16-cent per gallon increase in the price of gas.
Naturally, the temperature was 37 below. There were cars lined up outside my gas bar for blocks, queuing up for one final tank of cheap gas.
All of which taught me two things:
1. Never level with the electorate if you are a politician. You are better off lying.
2. Winter, like Rodney Dangerfield and members of organized crime families, must be respected.
Calgary isn't Winnipeg when it comes to winter, but there are stretches when it really kicks us in the teeth.
At the same time, there just seems to be a lack of respect for winter and the havoc it can wreak. I see these winter disrespecters all the time, and I am tempted to stop, to explain that in Canada, you don't mess with winter.
I don't though. There's no telling how a winter extremist will react when confronted on a snow-covered street.
Here are a few of the people I speak of:
-Winter Cycling Guy. He's as skinny as a teenager, even at 34, 44 or 54. He's good for the environment, but bad for winter traffic. I have two words; bus pass!
-Shirtless Football Fan. Must seem like a great idea when your smartphone fills with text messages from college pals who saw you on TSN. Then you wake with a tuberculosis-tinged hangover.
-Shorts Wearing Guy. The temperature creeps up over zero after a cold spell, and Shorts Wearing Guy appears on the streets -- in mid-February. Keep your knees in your pants a little while longer, buddy!
-Cute Shoes. It's -17 C and you're heading out. There aren't going to be any extended stays in the outdoors. Are there? (Next question: What looks cute on frozen stumps where your toes used to be?)
-Hatless. One day, there will be a fashion show where all the models have their hair static-charged, from yanking wool toques on and off their heads, causing them to have an advanced case of Albert Einstein hair. Until then, there will always be a few aspiring news anchors tempted to navigate winter hat-free. Don't do it!
-All Temperature Jogger Guy. It's 37 below out and the north wind is blowing snow so hard you can't see what colour the light is at the corner of 10th and Memorial, and then a posse of joggers sprints past, determined to get in their 10-k run. Either that, or die.
With that out of the way, here are a few more things I know about winter, learned from pumping gas at Domo.
1. Layer up.
2. No hat is too goofy if it provides good ear cover.
3. Scarves save lives.
4. There is no shame coming home stinking like unleaded.
5. The best way to psyche yourself up to work for seven hours in -35 is to play Meat Loaf's Bat Out of Hell, really, really loud.