Chris
05 Nov 2003, 22:31
FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn witheveryone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY
You have two cows. The government lets you take care of them at your expense and instructs you to give 1/2 of the milk obtained to your snotty neighbors across the street who do nothing but sip tea. The goverment also wants 1/2 of what's remaining for you to give them as compensation for coming up with the idea of giving your 1/2 to your snotty neighbors.
OLD RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two sheep and we expect you to come with wool not milk. You don't have two cows. Remember, we never make mistakes.
BRITISH POST THATCHERITE LAISSEZ-FAIRE CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY
You have two cows. The government says it doesn't care what you feed them. The government shoots the cows.
FORMER STATES OF YUGOSLAVIA
You have two cows, one is a Jersey cow, the other is a Hereford. The government declares only Herefords are allowed on your farm, the other is forcibly moved off the farm and is last seen heading in the direction of the abattoir.
OLD YUGOSLAVIA
At the moment you have two cows, next month it's your neighbours turn to have the cows. But you both and your neighbour get the milk. The cows don't like each other, you don't like your neighbour.
MILITARY COUP
The chickens shoot the cows and declare that from now on they will produce the milk.
HIPPY COMMUNE
Everybody looks after the cows. The cows stop eating the grass and start smoking it.
REVOLUTION
You own two cows. The cows rise up against you. Once they take over your house they will either kill you, lock you in the barn, or attempt to milk you.
HOLY CRUSADES
You own two cows. They head off to farmer Bob's place to kill all the horses unless they start acting like cows.
APARTHEID
You own two cows. The government tells you to keep them in seperate fields because they are different colours. No one outside the farm will buy your milk, Bruce Springsteen refuses to sing in your barn, but there are some pretty ordinary cricketers willing to have a hit in your back paddock for money.
THATCHERISM
There is only one cow, it's running the country.
THE DISMISSAL
You own two cows. The bank decides you aren't looking after them and kicks you off the property. The cows then elect another farmer.
UN INTERVENTION
You own two cows. You squeeze their udders too hard when you milk them, the cows complain and other farmers come in, tell you to stop and stand around in your yard wearing milk cartons on their heads. Each morning you milk the cows behind the barn where the other farmers can't see.
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn witheveryone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY
You have two cows. The government lets you take care of them at your expense and instructs you to give 1/2 of the milk obtained to your snotty neighbors across the street who do nothing but sip tea. The goverment also wants 1/2 of what's remaining for you to give them as compensation for coming up with the idea of giving your 1/2 to your snotty neighbors.
OLD RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two sheep and we expect you to come with wool not milk. You don't have two cows. Remember, we never make mistakes.
BRITISH POST THATCHERITE LAISSEZ-FAIRE CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY
You have two cows. The government says it doesn't care what you feed them. The government shoots the cows.
FORMER STATES OF YUGOSLAVIA
You have two cows, one is a Jersey cow, the other is a Hereford. The government declares only Herefords are allowed on your farm, the other is forcibly moved off the farm and is last seen heading in the direction of the abattoir.
OLD YUGOSLAVIA
At the moment you have two cows, next month it's your neighbours turn to have the cows. But you both and your neighbour get the milk. The cows don't like each other, you don't like your neighbour.
MILITARY COUP
The chickens shoot the cows and declare that from now on they will produce the milk.
HIPPY COMMUNE
Everybody looks after the cows. The cows stop eating the grass and start smoking it.
REVOLUTION
You own two cows. The cows rise up against you. Once they take over your house they will either kill you, lock you in the barn, or attempt to milk you.
HOLY CRUSADES
You own two cows. They head off to farmer Bob's place to kill all the horses unless they start acting like cows.
APARTHEID
You own two cows. The government tells you to keep them in seperate fields because they are different colours. No one outside the farm will buy your milk, Bruce Springsteen refuses to sing in your barn, but there are some pretty ordinary cricketers willing to have a hit in your back paddock for money.
THATCHERISM
There is only one cow, it's running the country.
THE DISMISSAL
You own two cows. The bank decides you aren't looking after them and kicks you off the property. The cows then elect another farmer.
UN INTERVENTION
You own two cows. You squeeze their udders too hard when you milk them, the cows complain and other farmers come in, tell you to stop and stand around in your yard wearing milk cartons on their heads. Each morning you milk the cows behind the barn where the other farmers can't see.