MBrevard
07 Nov 2003, 10:16
Dear Meat,
I have no idea if you will come by here anymore and read this, but I have a need to talk with you and it seems like an Open Forum such as this one is the place to do it. I hope, when you are well enough, you will change your mind and stop by again, when things are better for you. Or stop by to let us know how you are doing. We are very worried about you at this moment in time, with the news coming out of Germany that you collapsed during the Berlin concert.
Normally, when you could, you would come here, knowing how concerned we would be when you've been ill in the past, and let us know what was what!! I feel great anger for the timing of the past few days' events, but that can't be changed. And I realize that you may feel you have to abide by what you have said and be gone from here forever!!
But one thing I have learned, Meat, in my many years on this earth (and I'm afraid there've been more than I'd like to admit :roll: ) is that family means more than mere words. Families have the most unfathomable depth of understanding and forgiving. They have to. Or they would never survive the day-to-day crises which always occur. :?
And don't for a moment think that we are not a family here!! Yes, there are disagreements. Yes, there are people here whom each of us don't particularly like or respect or fully understand. But that's the way it is in REAL families. I can't speak for anyone else here, but there are people in my family that I can't stand, that I don't want anything to do with. But...if they were hurting or ill, if they were in trouble, I'd still be there--because they ARE family!!
This has not been an easy family to forge. We all come here from such different walks of life, different countries, different languages, different life styles...Can you think of anything more diverse than the people in this forum?!
How could we not be different? For look at who heads this family--a truly unique, one-of-a-kind man who brings us all together here every day.
But that's saying something--that anyone in this world can have such an impact on so many varied peoples to the point where they WANT/NEED to find a place to meet, to be together--to laugh, to cry, to share their life stories and most of all, to share their love for YOU!
It is a rare individual who makes that kind of difference in this world! And you have! You have made this world a better place for millions of us for the past 30+ years by sharing your talents, your creativity, your generous nature, your sense of humor...!
Let's face it. There aren't that many people who can say that. It's quite an accomplishment.
But let me get back to the main subject at hand: this forum, your family, our family!
You've been through an incredibly rough summer!! You started off at a deficit with the surgery and not being able to give yourself enough time to fully recover from it. And there was problem after problem, adding to the pressure and stress you are ALWAYS under when you are touring.
The problem with your voice and the damage it suffered was the final insult. And we can only begin to imagine the fear and anxiety for a singer/actor/perforner who naturally depends on that for his livelihood. Then, being told by your doctors that it may never return to its former glory--how can we ever fully understand what you have been through?!
But you, once again, proved the doomsayers wrong, just as you have always proved your critics wrong. It seems that once you set your mind to something, you somehow manage to achieve it!! It is one of the things we admire about you most!! Your persistance, your determination, your strength and courage to continue on. You inspire each of us in ways you cannot begin to imagine.
And so, during the past several weeks, many of us here have noticed a change in you. And we began to worry. I think that some of us realized that the fear of your voice not being there, and the extra stress and pressure that placed on you was having its effect. And it didn't matter how much we all tried to reassure you that YOU are what is important to us, YOU matter to us MORE than any concert or any tour or any album or any film. YOU MATTER!! NOT your voice, NOT your being perfect for each and every song during a show. YOU, just YOU!!
I can't say that loud enough here. I can't say that BIG enough here to place as much emphasis as I like to, so that, if you are reading this, you will understand how strongly this is felt--not just by me, but most of the folks who come here!!
YOU are the one who is putting pressure on yourself during these concerts. But from what I understand, from what I know, this is the way it has always been for you. When you are touring, even when you are not performing, you are working on the show, inside, constantly fighting to make it better!! We know this and we love you for it!!
And we are all beginning to realize how important it was for you to prove to everyone that your voice IS there!! The doctors and whoever told you otherwise be damned. You worked and fought and brought the voice back.
And so, with that understanding, we can see how important the concert at Trier was for you. It had to have been a magical time--not just for the audience, but for YOU, who had worked so hard to get there! To feel as though your voice would do whatever you wanted it to...Oh, Meat! It makes me cry. What joy!!
I was going to come here and talk about how one shouldn't let criticism take things away from you--take the joy, take the accomplishment away.
But you know, in all honesty, I can't say that to you. I would be such a hypocrite, if I did. Because many years ago, I let that same thing happen to me--on a MUCH smaller scale, mind you.
I have been, over the years, a craftsperson. I love taking nothing but raw materials and turning it, with a little luck and a little talent, into something beautiful. And during this particular time, I was into Oil Painting and I loved doing it. I was self-taught, with the help of books and videos and other things. But it made me feel good. It made me feel happy to be doing it. Then, I was convinced by people who cannot see pleasure in something if there is no 'success' in it, to have my work evaluated. I allowed myself to be talked into it, even though I didn't care about success. I only knew that this was something which brought me pleasure. Well, to shorten this story, the person evaluating my work ripped it apart, told me everything that was wrong with it, with no gentleness, let me say. No positives to try to balance things. Just the bad side of it.
And to this day, since that time, I have never painted again! And I have to say that that is a part of me which I absolutely HATE!! I hate that I let this one person take away something which brought me joy, brought me comfort!! I hate that I lost all the praise and the good things I had been told by others. Only the bad, only the one review stayed with me. And at that time in my life, I didn't have the strength or the courage or the determination that you have shown us again and again in your own life, to say "F**k you!! I don't care what you think! I like doing this. I'm doing it!!"
You see, if you had been in my life at that time, perhaps, I would have done things differently. You give us all a new perspective with which to live our lives!!
So, if I were to say to you not to listen to people's negative reactions--only listen to the positive because there are so many more of them, I would be that hypocrite. I sympathize. I empathize with what happened here with you these past few days--no, these past few weeks.
But clearly, something has to be done, Meat. There have always been critics in your life. Always, from the time you were young, with people who did not like the way you looked because you were different. This is nothing new to you.
All artists, all performers have people who like them and appreciate them and those who don't and never will!!
You have to find a way, inside yourself, to deal with this. We all know the fear and stress you have been under. But you've got to release that now--you've proved to your fans, you've proved to yourself that you can do this!! The voice is back!! Let it go! You cannot keep putting yourself through this torture again and again.
And I know that we cannot bear to see you going through this again and again.
This all goes back to family. Meat, you are the father of this family. Yes, the forum goes back before you visited here. It would continue without your presence. But,when any loving family loses a parent, it still goes on, but in a different way. Something is missing. Some of the joy is gone. Some of the pleasure. Some of the laughs and happiness.
Every time you came here and posted or read things, I always looked at it like a present, a gift. Knowing what a busy person you are, the gift of one's time IS as much a present as anything physical that one can hold in one's hand. And so the last year has been very special--full of gifts from the person who means so much to us.
You have had your own heroes in your life, so you must understand what this has all meant to us.
To have you reach a point where you cannot bear to be here anymore, to be here with us because the few negatives which have been written hurt you so much, is painful to us all! No, I don't think that any of us would like to see the worst side of you, as you have described it. So, we can understand your wanting to go BEFORE it surfaced.
If there are people you don't want to hear from anymore, we now have a "Buddy List." Just put those people on "Ignore" and you won't ever see another thing they say!
But to have you leave in this manner, angry, hurt, defensive, frustrated is even more painful.
I believe that within this family, there is a symbiotic relationship. You need us in your life and we certainly need you in ours.
You need to make peace within yourself about what has happened. And I believe with all my heart that you need to come back here and make peace with us and allow us to make peace with you, before any of us can move forward--whether that is to another website or wherever!
We all need closure to this one episode! I know that you felt you were doing that with your farewell message, but what really came across more than anything was the anger and the hurt and the frustration as you were trying to share with us how you felt and why you felt this way.
But in leaving the way you did, you gave us no opportunity to share our feelings, our pain, our sadness, our willingness to try to understand you, your world, your life better. You came, you released, you left.
And where there was you here, there is now a gaping hole.
None of us know exactly what happened to you, with you, in Berlin last night. But we are worried and frightened for you.
Please read this, not just with your eyes and brain, but with your heart. Please come back and let us talk with you again. Not yell, not argue, just talk.
If nothing else, at least let us know how you are!! You scared us to death yesterday!! Your family is extremely worried!!!
Please, Meat, as soon as you are well enough and strong enough, come and make peace. Let us do the same. Then, whatever lies in the future of this family will be okay!!
******
Thank you to all who read this lengthy, but heartfelt message. Please feel free to add your comments to this open letter. But I would ask one favor of you: Please, let's not fight HERE. Let's keep this friendly, remembering that we are family. No, we don't have to agree on everything. I have always said that I don't expect anyone to agree with the things I say or do. And that's fine. These are just my thoughts.
I know that there has been much anger and fighting and sadness here these past few days. But that was to be expected. It's part of the grieving process. Some of you don't feel there has been a loss here, but to many of us, there has been a tremendous loss!! There are four steps to grieving--first, disbelief, second, anger, third, sadness, and fourth, acceptance. We have seen quite a bit of the first three and I'm sure it's not over yet. It takes time and we all have to do it in our own way.
Thanks again to all who have taken the time to read this. And I hope and pray that Meat, you will be among them and we will hear from you again!!
I know you must get tired of reading my signature, but every single time I write "with love to you all," I mean it with all my heart! I always have--from the first time I came here. I knew this was to be my Meaty family and in reality, I am closer to some of you than to some of the members of my own.
So, let's all try, in the next few days, to be a little gentle with each other. Allow everyone to have their say on this matter, without fighting with them, or arguing because you disagree. Just say what you feel and let it go.
Thank you, friends!!
Sending love to each and every one of you!!
MB
xxx
I have no idea if you will come by here anymore and read this, but I have a need to talk with you and it seems like an Open Forum such as this one is the place to do it. I hope, when you are well enough, you will change your mind and stop by again, when things are better for you. Or stop by to let us know how you are doing. We are very worried about you at this moment in time, with the news coming out of Germany that you collapsed during the Berlin concert.
Normally, when you could, you would come here, knowing how concerned we would be when you've been ill in the past, and let us know what was what!! I feel great anger for the timing of the past few days' events, but that can't be changed. And I realize that you may feel you have to abide by what you have said and be gone from here forever!!
But one thing I have learned, Meat, in my many years on this earth (and I'm afraid there've been more than I'd like to admit :roll: ) is that family means more than mere words. Families have the most unfathomable depth of understanding and forgiving. They have to. Or they would never survive the day-to-day crises which always occur. :?
And don't for a moment think that we are not a family here!! Yes, there are disagreements. Yes, there are people here whom each of us don't particularly like or respect or fully understand. But that's the way it is in REAL families. I can't speak for anyone else here, but there are people in my family that I can't stand, that I don't want anything to do with. But...if they were hurting or ill, if they were in trouble, I'd still be there--because they ARE family!!
This has not been an easy family to forge. We all come here from such different walks of life, different countries, different languages, different life styles...Can you think of anything more diverse than the people in this forum?!
How could we not be different? For look at who heads this family--a truly unique, one-of-a-kind man who brings us all together here every day.
But that's saying something--that anyone in this world can have such an impact on so many varied peoples to the point where they WANT/NEED to find a place to meet, to be together--to laugh, to cry, to share their life stories and most of all, to share their love for YOU!
It is a rare individual who makes that kind of difference in this world! And you have! You have made this world a better place for millions of us for the past 30+ years by sharing your talents, your creativity, your generous nature, your sense of humor...!
Let's face it. There aren't that many people who can say that. It's quite an accomplishment.
But let me get back to the main subject at hand: this forum, your family, our family!
You've been through an incredibly rough summer!! You started off at a deficit with the surgery and not being able to give yourself enough time to fully recover from it. And there was problem after problem, adding to the pressure and stress you are ALWAYS under when you are touring.
The problem with your voice and the damage it suffered was the final insult. And we can only begin to imagine the fear and anxiety for a singer/actor/perforner who naturally depends on that for his livelihood. Then, being told by your doctors that it may never return to its former glory--how can we ever fully understand what you have been through?!
But you, once again, proved the doomsayers wrong, just as you have always proved your critics wrong. It seems that once you set your mind to something, you somehow manage to achieve it!! It is one of the things we admire about you most!! Your persistance, your determination, your strength and courage to continue on. You inspire each of us in ways you cannot begin to imagine.
And so, during the past several weeks, many of us here have noticed a change in you. And we began to worry. I think that some of us realized that the fear of your voice not being there, and the extra stress and pressure that placed on you was having its effect. And it didn't matter how much we all tried to reassure you that YOU are what is important to us, YOU matter to us MORE than any concert or any tour or any album or any film. YOU MATTER!! NOT your voice, NOT your being perfect for each and every song during a show. YOU, just YOU!!
I can't say that loud enough here. I can't say that BIG enough here to place as much emphasis as I like to, so that, if you are reading this, you will understand how strongly this is felt--not just by me, but most of the folks who come here!!
YOU are the one who is putting pressure on yourself during these concerts. But from what I understand, from what I know, this is the way it has always been for you. When you are touring, even when you are not performing, you are working on the show, inside, constantly fighting to make it better!! We know this and we love you for it!!
And we are all beginning to realize how important it was for you to prove to everyone that your voice IS there!! The doctors and whoever told you otherwise be damned. You worked and fought and brought the voice back.
And so, with that understanding, we can see how important the concert at Trier was for you. It had to have been a magical time--not just for the audience, but for YOU, who had worked so hard to get there! To feel as though your voice would do whatever you wanted it to...Oh, Meat! It makes me cry. What joy!!
I was going to come here and talk about how one shouldn't let criticism take things away from you--take the joy, take the accomplishment away.
But you know, in all honesty, I can't say that to you. I would be such a hypocrite, if I did. Because many years ago, I let that same thing happen to me--on a MUCH smaller scale, mind you.
I have been, over the years, a craftsperson. I love taking nothing but raw materials and turning it, with a little luck and a little talent, into something beautiful. And during this particular time, I was into Oil Painting and I loved doing it. I was self-taught, with the help of books and videos and other things. But it made me feel good. It made me feel happy to be doing it. Then, I was convinced by people who cannot see pleasure in something if there is no 'success' in it, to have my work evaluated. I allowed myself to be talked into it, even though I didn't care about success. I only knew that this was something which brought me pleasure. Well, to shorten this story, the person evaluating my work ripped it apart, told me everything that was wrong with it, with no gentleness, let me say. No positives to try to balance things. Just the bad side of it.
And to this day, since that time, I have never painted again! And I have to say that that is a part of me which I absolutely HATE!! I hate that I let this one person take away something which brought me joy, brought me comfort!! I hate that I lost all the praise and the good things I had been told by others. Only the bad, only the one review stayed with me. And at that time in my life, I didn't have the strength or the courage or the determination that you have shown us again and again in your own life, to say "F**k you!! I don't care what you think! I like doing this. I'm doing it!!"
You see, if you had been in my life at that time, perhaps, I would have done things differently. You give us all a new perspective with which to live our lives!!
So, if I were to say to you not to listen to people's negative reactions--only listen to the positive because there are so many more of them, I would be that hypocrite. I sympathize. I empathize with what happened here with you these past few days--no, these past few weeks.
But clearly, something has to be done, Meat. There have always been critics in your life. Always, from the time you were young, with people who did not like the way you looked because you were different. This is nothing new to you.
All artists, all performers have people who like them and appreciate them and those who don't and never will!!
You have to find a way, inside yourself, to deal with this. We all know the fear and stress you have been under. But you've got to release that now--you've proved to your fans, you've proved to yourself that you can do this!! The voice is back!! Let it go! You cannot keep putting yourself through this torture again and again.
And I know that we cannot bear to see you going through this again and again.
This all goes back to family. Meat, you are the father of this family. Yes, the forum goes back before you visited here. It would continue without your presence. But,when any loving family loses a parent, it still goes on, but in a different way. Something is missing. Some of the joy is gone. Some of the pleasure. Some of the laughs and happiness.
Every time you came here and posted or read things, I always looked at it like a present, a gift. Knowing what a busy person you are, the gift of one's time IS as much a present as anything physical that one can hold in one's hand. And so the last year has been very special--full of gifts from the person who means so much to us.
You have had your own heroes in your life, so you must understand what this has all meant to us.
To have you reach a point where you cannot bear to be here anymore, to be here with us because the few negatives which have been written hurt you so much, is painful to us all! No, I don't think that any of us would like to see the worst side of you, as you have described it. So, we can understand your wanting to go BEFORE it surfaced.
If there are people you don't want to hear from anymore, we now have a "Buddy List." Just put those people on "Ignore" and you won't ever see another thing they say!
But to have you leave in this manner, angry, hurt, defensive, frustrated is even more painful.
I believe that within this family, there is a symbiotic relationship. You need us in your life and we certainly need you in ours.
You need to make peace within yourself about what has happened. And I believe with all my heart that you need to come back here and make peace with us and allow us to make peace with you, before any of us can move forward--whether that is to another website or wherever!
We all need closure to this one episode! I know that you felt you were doing that with your farewell message, but what really came across more than anything was the anger and the hurt and the frustration as you were trying to share with us how you felt and why you felt this way.
But in leaving the way you did, you gave us no opportunity to share our feelings, our pain, our sadness, our willingness to try to understand you, your world, your life better. You came, you released, you left.
And where there was you here, there is now a gaping hole.
None of us know exactly what happened to you, with you, in Berlin last night. But we are worried and frightened for you.
Please read this, not just with your eyes and brain, but with your heart. Please come back and let us talk with you again. Not yell, not argue, just talk.
If nothing else, at least let us know how you are!! You scared us to death yesterday!! Your family is extremely worried!!!
Please, Meat, as soon as you are well enough and strong enough, come and make peace. Let us do the same. Then, whatever lies in the future of this family will be okay!!
******
Thank you to all who read this lengthy, but heartfelt message. Please feel free to add your comments to this open letter. But I would ask one favor of you: Please, let's not fight HERE. Let's keep this friendly, remembering that we are family. No, we don't have to agree on everything. I have always said that I don't expect anyone to agree with the things I say or do. And that's fine. These are just my thoughts.
I know that there has been much anger and fighting and sadness here these past few days. But that was to be expected. It's part of the grieving process. Some of you don't feel there has been a loss here, but to many of us, there has been a tremendous loss!! There are four steps to grieving--first, disbelief, second, anger, third, sadness, and fourth, acceptance. We have seen quite a bit of the first three and I'm sure it's not over yet. It takes time and we all have to do it in our own way.
Thanks again to all who have taken the time to read this. And I hope and pray that Meat, you will be among them and we will hear from you again!!
I know you must get tired of reading my signature, but every single time I write "with love to you all," I mean it with all my heart! I always have--from the first time I came here. I knew this was to be my Meaty family and in reality, I am closer to some of you than to some of the members of my own.
So, let's all try, in the next few days, to be a little gentle with each other. Allow everyone to have their say on this matter, without fighting with them, or arguing because you disagree. Just say what you feel and let it go.
Thank you, friends!!
Sending love to each and every one of you!!
MB
xxx