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Ageing Bat
01 Nov 2005, 13:37
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died
But I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long
That I grew strong
And knew that I could take you on

But there you are... another lie,
I was geared up for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry
I should have known it was bullsh*t, just a sad, pathetic dream
Should have known no anaconda would be lurking in those jeans...

Go on now go... walk out the door
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4
Weren't you a prat to think that I wouldn't catch you out
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count!

(Chorus) :
I will survive, I will survive
Cos as long as I have batteries my sex life is gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex
I will survive, I will survive. . .hey hey

It took all my self-control not to laugh out loud
When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multi-speed

Go on now go... you'd better flee
Last time I saw a pr*ck that small was on my brother... he was 3
I should have asked for confirmation, should have asked for referees
Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me

Go on now go... just hit the track
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers 'cos I'll always throw them back
The only thing that I could do with a pr*ck as small as yours
Is to stick it with a tooth-pick, dip it in tomato sauce

(Chorus)

Go on now go... get out of my sight
I'm going back to my appliance 'cos I know it's length is right
And if I ever see your tiny truncheon standing at my door
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor

Go on now go...

Tim
01 Nov 2005, 13:48
:lmao: that one is great!!!

Ageing Bat
01 Nov 2005, 15:09
TO THE TUNE OF THE QUEEN HIT..................

INDIAN RHAPSODY

Naan, just killed a man
poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle now he's dead.
Naan, dinner's just begun
But now I'm gonna throw it all away.
Naan, ooh, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back from the loo by
this time tomorrow Curry on, curry on Cause nothing really Madras.

Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers down my spine
Bottom aching all the time
Goodbye onion bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
Naan, ooh, ooh
This dopiaza is so mild I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all.

[guitar solo]

I see a little chicken tikka on the side
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh,
pass the chutney made of mango
Vindaloo does nicely
Very very spicy
Meat!
Byriani (Byriani) Byriani (Byriani) Byriani and a naan
(A vindaloo loo loo loo)

I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory
Stand you well back 'Case the loo is quarantined...
Here it comes
There it goes
Technicolor yawn
I chunder No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder, it's coming back again
(There he goes)
Coming back again
(up again)
Here it comes again.
(No no no no no no NO)
On my knees, I'm on my knees
On his knees,
Oh, there he goes
This vindaloo Is about to wreck my guts Poor meee.. poor meeee...poor MEEEEEE!

[guitar solo]

So you think you can chunder and then feel alright?
So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Oh maybe, but now you'll puke like a baby
Just had to come out It just had to come right out in here.

[guitar solo]

[slow bit]
Korma or dopiaza
bhaji, naan or saag
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference
To meee....
(Any way the wind blows....shshshsh)

SuperLoafMan
01 Nov 2005, 15:36
:lmao: :lmao: Fantastic ;)

Leah
01 Nov 2005, 21:07
They're great!! V.Funny indeed! :lol:

Cathie
01 Nov 2005, 21:09
LMAO :lawl:

DIZZY DRUMMER
01 Nov 2005, 21:51
Some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (KIRK0 startrek


Some girls like to buy new clothes, and others like batelths and fighting old foes
But there's only one thing that for them all works
Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk.
Oh, girls just wanna have Kirk.
He knows how to keep a woman satisfied
Whenever they see him; their eyes open wide
It doesn't matter if he's wearing a shirt
Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk
Oh, girls just wanna have...

That's all they really want, just Kirk
It's not Bones, or Scotty, or Spock, or some jerk
Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk.
Oh, girls just wanna have Kirk.

[background singers:]
Girls, they want; wanna have Kirk
Girls wanna have.....

The com beeps in the middle of the night.
A blonde wakes up like she has taken a fright
Then Jim says, "Girl go put on your skirt."
"There's a job for Captain Kirk"
"That's me, Yeah, I'm James T..."

That's all they really want, just Kirk
It's not Bones, or Scotty, or Spock, or some jerk
Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk.
Oh, girls just wanna have Kirk.
[background singers:]
Girls, they want; wanna have Kirk
Girls wanna have.....
[everybody]
They just wanna, they just wanna
Girls wanna, they just wanna
Girls just wanna have Kirk.