View Full Version : Alternative story thread...
Rockette
09 May 2006, 19:08
so he suddenly had the very devious thought
and rolling Julie in the duvet, along with his jam mixture covered shoes, which he'd removed, he stuffed the lot into the dishwasher. As Brian hunted for some dishwasher tablets the birds twittered outside and the breeze gently swayed the corn in the field,
Rockette
09 May 2006, 19:44
sending a marvellous fragrance into the kitchen. It reminded him of his halcyon days when he
wore womans cloths and jumped through the neighbours gardens
singing ion his lovely tenor voice. Meanwhile the Paparazzi outside were getting very
Rockette
10 May 2006, 06:34
wet, because the big old grey clouds that gathered from nowhere suddenly opened up and
the rain started to fall, the windows; which were grey and grimy were soon covered in small rivulets of water, the birds stopped twittering and sought shelter in the trees around the edge of the corn fields which weren't swaying in the breeze anymore.
Hypnobabe
10 May 2006, 14:17
Over the sound of the birds twittering in the trees, Brian suddenly realised he could hear screams coming from the dishwasher, where he had stuffed Julie, still rolled up in the jammy dishwasher. He considered switching it off and rescuing her, and eventually decided to
wait until the dishwasher's cycle had finished, as he fancied a cup of tea and there were no clean mugs. Outside the birds twittered damply, dripping rainwater (amongst other things) onto the soaked paparazzi who were still huddled under the trees despite the fact that the rain had stopped. Brian,
Hypnobabe
10 May 2006, 14:32
opened the window and shouted, "Oi! You lot!
Fancy a cuppa?" The assembled throng of damp paparazzi nodded, dripping even more rain water on to their expensive cameras. Brian found this mildly
amusing as it stopped him thinking about Julie in the washing machine. Julie by now was
looking like the result of a banana mating with a sundried tomato, and her diposition (never pleasant) was beginning to resemble the pleasant demenour of a cane toad on speed.
The paparazzi, upon entering the kitchen and hearing the howls emitted by the strange creature emerging from the dishwasher...
Hypnobabe
11 May 2006, 11:55
rapidly snap pictures, having decided that this was either the physical form of some ghostly apparition, or it was an entirely new species. Either way, they decided that the first one to publish the pictures of it would make a fortune. Having shoved Brian rudely out of the way, the fastest paparazzi slipped on the jam mixture that was still covering the floor and landed squarely on
top of julie, who's new physical form could not take the weight of this man, thus
Hypnobabe
11 May 2006, 16:01
taking on a rather strange collapsed shape. On top of having been rolled up in a duvet and shoved in the dishwasher, this was the final straw, and she packed all her worldly belongings into two very large suitcases, including her collection of
George Michael replica underpants
and hit the road. She decided that at this time of year a very nice place to go would be
to head off in the general direction of away, grab some sun, sea, sangria and
Hypnobabe
12 May 2006, 12:28
build a sandcastle, which would need a bucket-like receptacle for the sand. Unfortunately Julie didn't have a sand-castle-building-bucket, so she had to make do with a
KFC family bucket, which initially was full of fried chicken, so to remedy this situation she
ate all the chicken, but this still left the problem of what to do with the bones.
Hypnobabe
12 May 2006, 19:31
Luckily, inspiration struck, and a quick fiddle with some coloured card, a pair of safety scissors and some sticky-back plastic, a la Blue Peter, quickly resulted in some colourful flags to decorate the sandcastles with. Now that she was ready to go, Julia realised she would need some reliable transport, so she called her mate
but couldnt remember where he had parked it
so the hunt was on to find the smartcar before the papperazzi got back....
from the jungle where they had been sleeping
However as it turned out..
they didnt get any sleep at all because..
Rockette
15 May 2006, 07:35
a pack of marauding wild dogs suddenly appeared from the now soggy fields of wheat and chased them into the jungle. There they huddled for what seemed hours trying to
work out what had happened, it had started off as such a nice day,
Rockette
15 May 2006, 12:37
but that was long ago, and it was far away
and since things had gone from bad to worse a small number of the paparazzi were seriously thinking of a career change;
Rockette
15 May 2006, 12:42
perhaps weather reporting. Maybe even dog obedience training seeing that so many of them
Hypnobabe
15 May 2006, 12:43
the idea of a job which meant staying safely indoors away from jungles, dogs, rain and especially jam was incredibly appealing. The smart car mystery was solved when
Rockette
15 May 2006, 12:47
the smart car came rumbling down the road all by itself. It shuddered to a stop at the sight of
a small speed bump, which scared the life out of it's non-existant suspension and plastic panels.
Rockette
15 May 2006, 12:52
which was pretty hard to do seeing it had no suspension to be scared out of in the first place. Still the plastic parts were definitely showing signs of
melting in the hot sunshine which had suddenly broken through the incessant rain.
Rockette
15 May 2006, 12:56
But then, the rain in Spain does fall mainly in the plain. However, the progressively uglier Brian, was now becoming quite
Rockette
15 May 2006, 13:07
because the last of the jam was now all gone. Julia had taken an enormous picnic basket to the beach with her in the smart car (which was buckling) and fuel prices continued to be worrisome.
It was now well and truly time for Brian to remove the samurai sword from the loungeroom wall and
use it to clean his fingernails, which had got very grubby in all the excitement. He did consider committing Hari-Kari, but to be honest, that would be an unfortunate and premature end to the hero of this Alternative Story wouldn't it?
Rockette
15 May 2006, 13:11
But then again, as Brian skillflully cleaned his nails, he mused that
, as the birds had stopped twittering in the trees outside and the corn wasn't swaying in the breeze anymore, his writers had seriously lost the plot, if (he thought) they ever had it in the first place anyway.
Hypnobabe
15 May 2006, 15:38
Having been made aware of Brian's feelings in this matter, the writers pulled their pants on outside their tights, (some with better results than others, it must be said - you know who you are!) fished out the shiny spandex catsuits, wet-look leather superhero costumes and assorted capes, and got down to business. In no time at all, Brian found himself
wondering what the hell he'd let himself in for, one minute he's being written for by a bunch of almost respectable people, the next it's a bunch of psychadelically cross dressed loonies with their pants on outside their clothes,
Hypnobabe
15 May 2006, 15:56
not to mention the delusions of grandeur! Julie, in the meantime, was
starting to dry out, after the episode in the dishwasher and the subsequent deluge of rainfall, as she towelled her hair dry she hoped that the writers woiuld finally see fit to involve her in the bodice ripping beautiful heroine part she'd been promised by her agent.
then she realised that she had forgot.........
Hypnobabe
15 May 2006, 19:55
to get any of the writers to agree to this. Feeling generous, however, they took pity on her, and introduced a gorgeous
gargoyle called Cindy, on the bottom of the gargoyle were etched the immortal words....
youve got a hell of a lot to learn about rock and roll
Brian, who had read this story in the interim, as it was sent to him via email, welcomed the introduction of the gargoyle rock and roll student, as he seemed to have more chance with the gargoyle than with Julie, thus he decided he should teach the gargoyle about rock and roll by....
smashing his guitar against the hood of the smartcar
im sorry said brian, sometime i just get carried away with
Rockette
16 May 2006, 07:11
abusing innocent plasticy items of enjoyment. Perhaps I should resort to my previous occupation of self-abuse by removing my glass eye and smashing it into tiny pieces with my trusty sledgehammer."
Brian meandered off to find that Cindy creature to run this new idea by her. When he found her
Rockette
16 May 2006, 10:53
assumed she found the smell of apricot jam repulsive and so she discarded them and
did what all gargoyles do in such circumstances, which is sit on a roof for a coupl eof hundred years.
Rockette
16 May 2006, 12:24
As they surely do, but our Brian isn't a bright sort of being anyhow. Not too dissimilar to one of the writers who was thinking of Julia. Maybe that writer needs to get focussed. Otherwise Julia might withdraw from her lucrative contract.
Perhaps Brian's glass eye was gleaming way to brightly when he found the socks and he ran off to the gold assayers office to see if he indeed had found
gold. He thought that if he had then he could finally afford to buy Julie the
world's supply of BOOH paper flower pot holders, then maybe Julie would...
Rockette
16 May 2006, 12:39
get over her disappointment of her smashed hood on her smart car that had been broken by the smashing guitar incident earlier. On the other hand, if he had enough money to buy her
then he'd consider it, perhaps. Possibly ... maybe, if
and he sure as hell wasn't going to use it lamely like he had with the previous two he'd been granted by the genie.
so he sat down and thought about things and what he was doing wrong
he suddenly realised that his fate wasn't in his hands at all ...
of the jacket that he left behind
at the pub yesterday. Brian stood up with an air of decisiveness that startled even him, and decided now was the time to reclaim his jacket. Perhaps with his fate in his pocket again he could move forwards.
and upwards, but there was just one thing stopping him
Hypnobabe
16 May 2006, 16:26
and that was the pub's opening hours. Brian thought for a moment or two, and decided on a plan. In order to get into the pub, and retrieve his jacket and therefore his fate, Brian would cause a diversion by
setting fire to the Smart Car in the pub car park, using nothing more thasn two boy scouts, four litres of petrol and for some bizarre reason known only to Brian a courgette.
Hypnobabe
16 May 2006, 16:38
Using the courgette, Brian broke into the Smart Car, repositioning it in the pub car park, soaked it in petrol, whereupon it spontaneously combusted, and Brian was quick to shout "Hey, look, those two boy scouts have just set fire to that car!!!" The resulting commotion gave Brian ample time to
sneak in through the door of the pub (which incidentally was open 24 hours a day now and as such Brian had needlessly wasted a Smart car ... hang on, what am I saying, it's hardly a needless waste is it?)
Hypnobabe
16 May 2006, 16:46
He searched desperately around, racking his brains to try to remember which jacket he'd been wearing, when he finally spotted it, casually flung over the back of a chair, exactly where he'd left it. Bearing in mind the jacket was fuschia pink leopardskin, with a tinsel trim, that was hardly surprising. Brian rummaged through the pockets, and realised he'd mistaken his fate for a doughnut. In a state of near panic, he tried to think back to what he'd been doing when he'd last seen it...
Suddenly his train of thought was delayed (it was a Virgin thought) by a shout from behind the bar;
oi you, dont i know you, said the voice
Rockette
17 May 2006, 07:27
Seeing as Brian's one good eye was momentarily blurred by the cigarette smoke in the pub, he couldn't
Hypnobabe
17 May 2006, 12:03
see a thing, and didn't recognise the voice anyway, so he decided to ignore it. This was a mistake, because the voice belonged to
Rockette
18 May 2006, 03:10
his long-time arch-enemy and sparring partner, Freddie Ferknuckle. Freddie had indeed been the very same person who
who gave birth to Brian almost 50 years ago resulting from a bizarre and freakish accident involving...
A tractor, a goldfish and a football referee (also known as a "maggot"). The result of this bizarre accident stared across the bar....
and thought what on earth is going to happen to me now? Freddie provided the answer to this question by wandering over to Brian and offering him a drink;
Rockette
19 May 2006, 14:16
although Brian thought it was very strange to be offering him a
gin and tonic with a twist of
Rockette
19 May 2006, 14:22
lemon. Afterall, this was not his most favourite drink in the world. Rather, he preferred a good cup of tea instead. He really was quite miffed that Freddie would be so thoughtless on this ocassion. Fifty years surely deserved to be remembered by
everyone who had been involved so intimately in that period of time.
Rockette
19 May 2006, 14:24
And it certainly was an interesting time indeed, because way back then Freddie had actually been a
can can dancer and part time dustman, as well as a full time mother.
Rockette
19 May 2006, 14:31
But that was before the operation that was spoken of in hushed tones. Lucky for Brian though, because he always felt so embarrassed to admit his mother was his father; a point which seemed to have been overlooked
or at the very least ignored, by the more astute of the writers,
Rockette
19 May 2006, 14:43
as many had noticed after pulling their heads out of their drinks. LOL
Nothwithstanding, now Brian had been forced into making a decision about
accepting the drink or not, or going to find his jacket or not, or doing both or not, or lots of other options, or not.
Rockette
19 May 2006, 14:50
He was indeed a very troubled man since he
decided to accept the drink.
Rockette
19 May 2006, 14:59
which well may leave the way open for him to forget his search for his very loudly coloured jacket. That would be tragic seeing one of the pockets was supposed to contain
something important, but the Gin was having an effect on him now, and he was starting to feel squiffy, and he couldn't remember what he was supposed to be looking for,
Rockette
19 May 2006, 15:03
a very sad thing to reflect on indeed. Especially as there was nobody else around to jog his memory. Life's like that I guess in
the sort of town and story that Brian inhabited
was called Hundrum. Brian had been living in the town of humdrum ever since...
Hypnobabe
20 May 2006, 21:56
they started selling Chicago Town Pizzas.
some of which included his favourite toppings: the M&M pizza, the egg and onion pizza, and
Rockette
21 May 2006, 04:08
...the shredded haggis pizza. That was a particular favourite of his since he had no guts of his own. It put a sense of meaning into his life whenever he ordered one of those because
Rockette
21 May 2006, 04:48
of SOL, which often found it's way all the way to his vocabulary.
Given he wasn't a doctor, the number of terms he knew for body parts was outrageous, and caused no end of confusion to....
Rockette
21 May 2006, 16:09
those who had the misfortune to know him. Or maybe they only thought they knew him. Was he who he said he was? Is he from
outer space or a member of Star Trek
Brian could easily pass for an extra from star trek and it was something he always admired about himself, he considered it to be....
that his portrait was used for smileys everywhere. (:tard:). All of which was distracting him from his drink with Fred having found a stale donut in pursuit of Julie, Cindy, and
Rockette
22 May 2006, 02:02
the meaning of life. The meaning of life having been scribbled on a piece of paper and shoved into the pocket of his vicariously coloured jacket.
However, he knew that Cindy wouldn't have moved from the spot she'd been placed in some 300 years ago. Julie was probably romping in the sand still. Now he had found Fred on Mother's Day. He felt it only right to
fleece her for as many free drinks as he possibly could.
particularly given Fred seemed to have been given a sex change by some inattentive writers. The resulting cognitive dissonance caused Fred....
Rockette
22 May 2006, 11:26
to vomit uncontrollably at the very mention of his/her name. For it came to another's attention that a sex change had occurred, but let's not hold that against anyone in their fervent ramblings. They certainly seem to have taken Brian into their
storyline with a fervour only before encountered when
Rockette
22 May 2006, 11:31
Hypnobabe slammed her own real life smart car into
a childs Fisher Price Pedal car, and the pedal car came out of the collision in a better state.
which neither Victoria, nor Berkshire, meaning it was in the state of
Rockette
22 May 2006, 11:36
Fortunately she had adequate insurance coverage for the massive repair job, otherwise she would still be
sitting in a wreck on the highway. Brian meanwhile,
Rockette
22 May 2006, 11:43
found himself unceremoniously drawn back into the storyline by a hairy
"g'day cobber" he uttered, "hows the billabong today? Its fair dinkum I trust"
"Carn, fair suck of the sav, that your best dinkum lingo, me fritz?" came th prompt response, thoroughly confusing Brian, who thought it might be best to emigrate to
Moldovia, but he didn't know where it was, nor had he found his jacket yet, so he figured it was best to resume his search.
and thought he might find his jacket in the field of spuds over yonder..
Rockette
22 May 2006, 12:59
but then he was minded that the jacket indeed had been left in the pub. He knew the item for which he so fervently searched was not in either of the outside pockets, so he began to inspect the items in the inside breast pockets. He was eventually rewarded for his eternal patience, which he only just acquired ten minutes earlier, when he joyfully removed the piece of paper that contained the meaning of life on it.
Remarkably it had the very faint smell of apricot jam and
of spuds. Wiping the mud off his hands and knees he
Rockette
22 May 2006, 13:03
wondered how they actually had mud on them,seeing he was in the pub cadging drinks out of his dear old mum/dad. Perhaps there was a freaky pervert running around the pub smearing mud randomly on the patrons apparel. Brian really didn't care to think on it too long. Because now he really needed to
answer the call of nature
Rockette
22 May 2006, 13:08
and then depart the pub to make his way to the railway station at
7.45, as he had to catch the 7.50 express to
Rockette
22 May 2006, 13:14
Moldivia, way out west where the sun never sets. He was very excited by this prospect as he
the fells in peterborough to buy the bulbs for next years tulips
which lead to an interesting dilemma, not to mention an argument, as to which of his personalities was travelling to what destination. This was resolved by
Rockette
22 May 2006, 13:21
is far better with words than Brian
Rockette
22 May 2006, 13:24
But Brian is a wiz with the dialect of mumble
the question remained though as to which writer would step into the breach? This particular one needed a comfort break so was stepping out for a moment,
unfortunately forgetting he was on the 7th floor....
but, not forgetting that he didn't need to step out that far ...
thus Brian's inflatable sheep, which had shown up just in time for a spectacular catch attempt designed to get him into the english cricket team, was sorely disappointed, and bleated off to find his master....
Rockette
22 May 2006, 13:32
in the nearby spud patch
which was a shame, as Brian was in a far distant spud patch...meanwhile, back at the beach, Julie...
turned a page on her book
which upset the book no end
still, Julie knew the book would get over it, after all it was only a cheap mills and boon type romance thing.
Rockette
22 May 2006, 13:40
That Brian had no doubt written in his limited capacity
bath, it was limited capacity because although Brian thought it was a bath, it was really a misplaced bidet that he was sitting in when he wrote that book. He never noticed how cramped it was.
Although he had wondered about the fountain function...
briefly, with a smile on his face.
Hypnobabe
22 May 2006, 13:45
As Brian clutched the piece of paper in his sticky sweaty palm, he was hit by a sudden inspiration, and decided to travel neither to Moldovia nor Peterborough, but instead to the local Netto to see if he could get some jam remover and tidy up his fate and the meaning of life, which seemed to have morphed into one piece of paper. Unfortunately for Brian, the nearest Netto was
Hypnobabe
22 May 2006, 13:51
Brian carefully considered his options, and decided the safest bet was to try the local Waitrose instead. Unfortunately they had a rather strict dress code, being a bit of a snooty supermarket, and they wouldn't let Brian in, as he was now wearing
Rockette
22 May 2006, 13:53
his casual pair of thongs
Hypnobabe
22 May 2006, 13:56
on his feet, as he admired the Aussies somewhat, he was also wearing one in the more English sense of the word, which by rights should have been carefully concealed beneath a very long and thick pair of trousers where it would have been in no danger of being seen.
so that makes three thongs for Brian, all rubber
wear had been banned by the government in 2006 ain a vain attempt to reduce the number of scandals being reported in the tabloid press. Because Brian didn't read such gutter jounralism (or in fact anything else) he was unaware of the fact that he was now illegally dressed.
Rockette
23 May 2006, 10:58
He reminded himself that next time he should perhaps wear a pair of flip flops to stave off the blank stares of the lesser informed northern hemisphere neighbours.
Nonetheless, the sun was now slowly sinking in the west and he knew he
get to get home before sunset otherwise he'd run the risk of turning into a pumpkin. Eversince watching cinderalla, and not having the brain capacity to differentiate fact from fiction, Brian was always scared to be out after dark incase that actually happened to him...so off he set....
like a mouldy jelly, in the general direction of
the wrong way, directions and map reading weren't Brians strong points either.
whereby he ended up at Mildenhall and an American pilot asked Brian could he give him a life in his Harrier Jump Jet to his destination....
Hypnobabe
24 May 2006, 14:02
Unfortunately Brian misunderstood the question, and replied 'Don't be silly, I don't have a Harrier Jump Jet!' upon which reply the rather muscly American promptly thumped him on the nose, causing him to bleed profusely all over his
Rockette
24 May 2006, 14:03
freshly cleaned jet.
black toupee, resulting in...
high winds blowing the top off
Brians or the American pilots Jump Jet, Brian was mightly confused at this point he didn't realise that he actually owned the Jump Jet and the Pilot was his own perosnal chauffeur....
Rockette
25 May 2006, 02:42
However, to overcome the confusion, he decided to overlook the previous paragraphs and plow on regardless. In this light, he took the American pilot up on his offer of flying him to his destination of
choice, and off they set. It wasn't long however before Brian realised that there wasn't an inflight movie,
so he took it upon himself to create his own entertainment....
and started clicking his fingers to the sound of...
Hypnobabe
27 May 2006, 00:09
The Birdie Song, which really upset the pilot, in fact it upset him so much that he
started to sob un-controlably
Rockette
27 May 2006, 12:31
and knocked his head on the overhead controls as he jumped to his feet in a bid to dance the Chicken Dance. One of the controls he knocked
Hypnobabe
27 May 2006, 15:56
caused the cleverly concealed onboard toilet to flush, dropping a large block of blue ice from the plane where it dropped through the atmosphere to land with a thud on
....Julie's prized flower patch! (Julie being THE Julie that Brian has always been in love with but she keeps spurning his advances). What a mess it made especially as Julie was kneeling over her beloved flower bed at the time it landed....
resulting in a severe case of S.O.L., which caused Julie
to forget where she was and....
hence burn the dinner which was bubbling away on the stove on a low light while she wandered around wondering where she was.
Hypnobabe
30 May 2006, 13:42
The dinner in question consisted of a thick hearty stew, just perfect for the British summer weather, made from
onions, finest stewing steak, tomato puree, beef stock, mushrooms and half a pint of scruttocks old dirigible ale
Hypnobabe
30 May 2006, 13:50
Unfortunately, Julie didn't realise one of Brian's old socks had also fallen in the mixture, and that accounted for the cheesy flavour the stew was busily acquiring.
and we all know there's nothing worse than a burnt cheesy flavour don't we children?
Hypnobabe
30 May 2006, 18:20
The children were crying because the big scary writer had suddenly spoken to them. It was a bit like having God suddenly poke His head out of the clouds and address them directly, and quite frankly, they were terrified.
so they run and hid behind an old oak tree!
That one of the other writers quickly wrote into the story, while the afore-accused writer pointed out one of the lesser writers that he is infact not the least bit scary ...
This did not ring true, given the lesser writers had now locked themselves in their wardrobes...
And so another writer got back on track with the story about Julie and her cheesy stew. Becasue she was suffering with amnesia Julie couldn't remember who she had invited around to sample her cooking delights, she was just going to have to wait until they all turned up, the first guest to appear was none other than the local church owned sheep who kept all the grave yard grass in fine splendour.....
and was actually the third cousin twice removed of Brian's rubber inflatable sheep. This lead to no end of confusion and amusement when the second guest arrived ...
in a cloud of dust, amidst a trumpet fanfare, carrying
with which the second guest was cleaning his nails
Hypnobabe
31 May 2006, 16:20
which Julie thought was very clever, since he didn't actually have any, being a
flat pack wardrobe purchased from Ikea, with those little Allan Key thingies, for which you lose the key shortly before realising that you need to tighten a wobbly leg.
Hypnobabe
31 May 2006, 16:26
The flat pack wardrobe (Wardy to his mates) wobbled precariously over the doorstep to make way for
a coffee table, a footstool and the chest of drawers which had all also been invited.
Hypnobabe
31 May 2006, 16:33
Unbeknownst to Julie, there was a crack team of Psychiatrists hiding in the bushes underneath the kitchen window, as it had long been suspected that she had lost her marbles, and the spectacle of a suite of bedroom furniture crossing the doorstep was now causing them immense problems - perhaps she was potty, because, let's face it, only nutters would invite furniture for dinner. On the other hand, the furniture had accepted the invitation, and actually shown up... What to do...
It was at the point where the squirrels started washing up and the tortoise and baby deer began to prepare the main course (which the carrots weren't too happy about as they featured in it) that Julie decided that there was nothing for it but to accept her Disney-esque fate,
Hypnobabe
31 May 2006, 16:37
and break into a quick rendition of
Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, sadly Julie couldn't hold a tune in a bucket, which was lucky really, since the bucket was busy peeling protesting carrots at that moment in time.
Not to mention dealing with Dear Liza and trying to calm her down a bit, because....
Hypnobabe
31 May 2006, 17:38
large spider crawling along the handle of the bucket, and unfortunately, Liza had lost the phone number of her friendly local Hypnotherapist who specialised in all sorts of things, not just relieving spider phobias.
Hypnobabe
31 May 2006, 22:54
stamps to even larger letters, which were usually addressed to
Brian, Brian loved collecting letters and stamps so much so that instead of having wallpaper on the walls of his home, he had all the letters and stamps plastered from wall to ceiling and thus Brian was the final guest to arrive for the evening. Because he felt guiltly for dropping the toilet block onto Julie earlier in the day, Brian came round carrying....
a huge urinal painted pink, the urinal looked heavy and brian looked as though he was struggling. sticking out of his pocket brian had...
his fate, which he'd rescued earlier before he left the pub, this had led to him attending the dinner party as originally he hadn't intended on going, but it transpired that the invite was written on the back of it, so he'd let fate intervene this time.
Alas, he was no longer hungry, as he had eaten the donut he found and, let's face it, rocking up to a dinner party at the extraordinarily incompetent Julies house while not hungy is a really
Hypnobabe
04 Jun 2006, 18:15
good method of self-preservation, as it ensured not having to eat any of Julie's cooking...
which is almost as bad as
Hypnobabe
10 Jun 2006, 02:54
Julie had carefully prepared the evening's entertainment, straight after dinner she would be
moving to Argentina with her surprise lover, a stripper who could
Hypnobabe
10 Jun 2006, 19:12
remove his
underneath his coat without
the need for a safety net
Hypnobabe
12 Jun 2006, 13:44
No-one knew what a stripper was doing keeping a badger underneath his coat, or what he was doing wearing a coat in the first place, except Julie, as he'd told her (whilst drunk) that it was all in the name of
Basil Brush. Who as we all know is a Fox and not a Badger, and certainly not a stripper. Julie was, of course, as baffled by this as everyone else, but she was beginning to come to terms with the strange twists and turns that her life was experiencing. Outside the wind rustled in the trees and the birds twittered.
Hypnobabe
12 Jun 2006, 15:02
As opposed to Brian, who was just a twit.
Anyway, Julie and her secret badger carrying, lover called
Hypnobabe
12 Jun 2006, 15:22
Alonso Ferdinando Enrique Humberto Jones
decided to have a slow dance in the kitchen though it was only a matter of time before Julie realised...
Hypnobabe
19 Jun 2006, 00:05
that Gaz was dancing to an entirely different beat, a fact made all the more obvious by his obsession with
putting his left foot in, his left foot out, in, out, in, out and shaking it all about
Rockette
21 Jun 2006, 07:46
until a news flash came on the radio. It announced loudly
Mick Loaf
22 Jun 2006, 02:08
that a dangerous
Rockette
22 Jun 2006, 05:55
comet was spiralling
anti-clockwise towards Bridlington.
Rockette
23 Jun 2006, 14:08
Gaz decided to
Jump out the window onto Julies already trampled flower bed (due to the toilet ice block accident earlier that day) however as he leapt through the window, his badger, that was beneath his coat somehow lodged onto the window lock causing Gaz....
Rockette
24 Jun 2006, 10:04
recoil in total horror at the sight.
The breeze caused the tree's to rustle and kicked up small spirals of dust from the road, down which came a black stretch limo.
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