View Full Version : Alternative story thread...
Rockette
30 Jun 2006, 15:28
On the very back of the limo was
Hypnobabe
30 Jun 2006, 16:56
where Gaz landed, having been picked up by the errant breeze on his fall out of the window, and as luck would have it, the limo belonged to
Brians long departed inflatable sheep (which had found fame and riches as a prop on Wheel Of Foortuuuuuune) who was coming to dinner with Julie and Gaz and had brought along
Rockette
01 Jul 2006, 11:36
a haggis to cook on the outdoor woodfired oven.
Hypnobabe
01 Jul 2006, 17:06
Unfortunately for all concerned, it had started to rain. Great, sheeting torrential rain, which soaked everything in the vicinity, including the barbecue.
Rockette
02 Jul 2006, 04:05
*editor's note: a wood-fired oven is undercover
Notwithstanding, there was a definite air of excitment
Hypnobabe
02 Jul 2006, 19:08
caused by Gaz's new healthy vegetarian diet.... or perhaps it was an air of
Rockette
03 Jul 2006, 08:41
expectancy because
the biennual outing of sceptic septic inspectors was rapidly approaching and
the rain had eased off and bright sunlight pierced the dull grey clouds, causing a rainbow to spread out across the horizon.
Hypnobabe
03 Jul 2006, 11:56
The bright sunlight also caused all the rain-soaked objects in the garden to start steaming, and this gave Gaz and nasty steam burn, right on his
Hypnobabe
03 Jul 2006, 12:05
which made him scream like a girl.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaargh" he screamed "my ear!"
Hypnobabe
03 Jul 2006, 12:14
Gaz then stopped, re-read the previous postings, and realised his scream didn't sound particularly girly, so he had another go:
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! My ear!" he squealed...
Gaz, clearly not having heard the sort of girlie scream that is often heard in the north of England, Which generally consists of the letter A, screamed at apitch that breaks glass, frightens dogs and downs passing aircraft, then proceeeded to pass out in a huge flamboyant feint.
Thinking that this may not be enough melodrama...he proceeded to get up, throw up...lay down and faint again...
while his sporran headed off on an adventure of its own...
but that's irrelevant tot he story as the sporran was merely a passing character part of a sub-plot devised purely to distract the reader from the main thread of the action.
Hypnobabe
03 Jul 2006, 12:30
along with the dish and the spoon who had decided that life in a nursery rhyme was just too much of a cliche, and they'd decided to spice things up a bit by having a threesome.
And as the dish and a spoon realized that they make only a twosome...they gave up on the idea of sex altogether...
and headed off to hunt down some wild porridge
which was not found in the Alphabet movie story, but was found in
a shop, as it had been captured and domesticised.
AND...apparently also neutered...
While all this was going on, Gaz,
Hypnobabe
03 Jul 2006, 12:42
who by now was starting to get annoyed that no-one had noticed his predicament and come to offer him medical assistance,
decided to take matters into his own hands, administering the kiss of life to himself
At which point he remembered that he was sick and hadn't had a chance to brush his teeth...as the memory flashed in his mind...he fainted dead away yet again...
Rockette
03 Jul 2006, 12:46
seeing the plot alter so quickly
had come as no surprise to him, or the birds which were still twittering the gently swaying trees outside.
Hypnobabe
03 Jul 2006, 18:27
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, there came a loud buzzing noise, and Gaz managed to come out of his stupor long enough to notive the workmen in fashionable yellow hardhats and flourescent vests cutting down the trees outside, due to large numbers of complaints about poo on cars, caused by the trees' twittering occupants.
The Trees swayed gently in the breeze one more time, before toppling to the ground with an almighty crash. The brids twittered and fright, and then twittered in flight as they moved in the general direction of away from the toppling trees to their second nests located in the old barn.
Rockette
04 Jul 2006, 04:15
Unbeknown to the twittering birds, inside the barn there was
simply a cat...BUT...it was not a simple cat at all...it was a Cheshire cat...
Cat smiled at the birds and...
Hypnobabe
04 Jul 2006, 10:27
with one enormous chomp of it's extremely large, extremely sharp teeth,
licked it's lips as it prepared to pounce. However, at that moment a creature from a higher evolutionary plane bounded into the barn, ran round in circles wagging it's tail, which it then proceeded to chase, before settling down to stare playfully at the cat. Cat decided that perhaps there would be richer pickings meal-wise in a place that didn't potentially have cat on the menu for dog.
Rockette
04 Jul 2006, 10:43
Having successfully chased off the cat, the dog thus made the barn safe once more for the twittering birds that had fluttered in there to take shelter.
peace and harmony once again descended on the storyline ... but for how long?
Rockette
04 Jul 2006, 11:01
Until the dog managed to sneak off a foul
for which he was awarded a yellow card, and since this was his second of the tournament, he also received an automatic one match ban for the next game.
Rockette
04 Jul 2006, 11:35
:oops: So he slunk off into his kennel downunder and stayed there for a day or two.:oops:
Hypnobabe
04 Jul 2006, 18:41
Luckily Ronaldo had got lost on the way home from the match on Saturday, and was snoozing in the dog's kennel, so he had a good munch on his leg to make up for things.
However the dog was still hungry due to ronaldo's leg being skimpy with not much meat on the bone, he soon turned his attention to Gaz who by now was....
singing "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad" on top of his lungs.
Which was quite surprising for his lungs, as last time they had checked they were internal and functioning normally. Fortunately the incident that had removed them was rather blurred. All they knew was that the removal involved
a frying pan, a blunt removing a stone from a horses hoof attachment of a swiss army knife and a couple of lemon soaked paper napkins.
This occurence completely removed from our reader's mind incident involving chandellier, monkey wrench and an inflatable dolphin.
Gaz finished his song, with his eyes shut imagining the tumultuous applause he was receiving, the dog looked at him with one lazy eye and dozed off.
"Finally" - thought the dog to himself - "I can get a shut eye - that howling kept reminding me of me mum nagging the heck out of me"
Gaz however had other ideas, whilst in his drunken stupor he staggered back to Julie's house to profess his undying love for Orange tango but there was one man that stood in his way; Brian...
had decided the only way to stop Brian was to literally stand in his way holding a
pitchfork with Julies messy food splattered cooking apron hung off his shoulders (like a cape), the inflatable sheep thought he looked quite attractive and thus started to chat him up...
Hypnobabe
05 Jul 2006, 14:27
Fluttering it's eyelashes seductively, or as seductively as an inflatable sheep can, in a husky voice, the sheep said, "Baaaaaaaaaaaah!" Which rougly translated, meant
"Baaaaaaaaaaaah!" because we all know that sheep (inflatable or otherwise) do not communicate vocally, or in any other way for that matter.
Rockette
05 Jul 2006, 14:29
which is why it took him totally by surprise because
Hypnobabe
05 Jul 2006, 14:30
he wasn't expecting it.
Rockette
05 Jul 2006, 14:31
Only as late as yesterday...
he'd been expecting it to happen, bit after todays events it all came as a shocking bolt out of the blue.
Hypnobabe
05 Jul 2006, 14:33
It took a minute or two for the knowledge to sink in, but suddenly, both Gaz and Brian realised that the shocking bolt out of the blue had actually been a lightening strike, and a very accurate one at that, hitting precisely
Rockette
05 Jul 2006, 14:33
where it hurt him most
Hypnobabe
05 Jul 2006, 14:35
on the end of his
Rockette
05 Jul 2006, 14:36
hernia scar
Hypnobabe
05 Jul 2006, 14:37
from the hernia operation made necessary due to his tendency to
Rockette
05 Jul 2006, 14:44
These being caused by his continual straining to reach things that were taller than him.
Hypnobabe
05 Jul 2006, 14:45
like daisies, Jack Russell terriers and carpets.
Rockette
05 Jul 2006, 14:50
and even snake's bellies
As you've probably guessed dear reader, he was shorter than a very short man who lived in shortsville.
Rockette
05 Jul 2006, 15:42
However, his hernias gave him some height from time to time.
Hypnobabe
05 Jul 2006, 15:55
Especially when one of the 'tall people' accidentally stood on it and he shot through the roof.
Brian and Gaz stared at each other incredulously. There was a frisson of excitement in the air as the birds twittered from their new homes in the barn, suddenly Gaz said:
Rockette
05 Jul 2006, 16:10
****** me! the birds are twittering!
Hypnobabe
05 Jul 2006, 16:12
"Hmmmm...." replied Brian, pernickitily, "I believe that actually, they're tweeting..."
Rockette
05 Jul 2006, 16:13
he is so pedantic like that
He may have been pedantic, but he was in fact completely wrong, since as far as Gary could remember, at no point in the story had the birds tweeted.
Hypnobabe
05 Jul 2006, 16:20
Unfortunately, it seemed obvious that Brian hadn't been paying attention at all, as he seemed to have forgotten that Gaz was, in fact, the new boyfriend of his one and only love, Julie, and he'd been getting quite chummy with him.
so brian took his guitar and he smashed it against the wall....
the wall reacted quite badly to this, but not half as much as the guitar did. In complete outrage at being smashed against the wall it dissolved into a thousands and thousands of frgaments of wood splinters, metal and bizarrely marmite.
brian was quite amazed by this, so amazed in fact that he...
Hypnobabe
05 Jul 2006, 16:42
too dissolved into thousands and thousands of tiny fragments and lumps of marmite.
Which takes some doing as Marmite generally remains in liquid form, so he should strictly speaking have dissolved into thousands and thousands of tiny fragments and blobs of marmite. Still, since when have the facts and science stood in the way of a good story (anyone read The Da Vinci Code or Angels and Demons?)
Rockette
06 Jul 2006, 13:09
So, with Marmite now oozing out of the walls, and flowing between the fragments of wood and steel...
this seemed a good time to introduce a troop of yak hair weavers from outer Mongolia that Brian had previously made acquaintance with and invited to visit
Hypnobabe
07 Jul 2006, 11:59
his cousin Dorothy, who had recently moved from the US after encountering bad weather in Kansas.
Dorothy hadn't featured much in the story so far as she'd been away at the quarantine kennels with tin man and scarecrow visiting Lion and Toto who were locked up for 6 months as they didn't have pet passports.
Hypnobabe
07 Jul 2006, 12:10
The fifteen illegal immigrants who'd helped carry her bags had got in without any problems, and promptly disappeared in the general direction of Slough, where they hoped to meet up with Ricky Gervais and get into the paper products business.
Except there was no paper....
why not? the enquiring readers asked.
The readers would be delighted to know that the man in stores failed to order paper in a timely manner, a minor issue for which he got completely reamed, thus leaving a job vacancy... now, which of the alternative characters could fill this position?
Any of them could have done, but none applied, so the vacancy was left open for a while.
Hypnobabe
10 Jul 2006, 11:56
Meanwhile,
the birds had continued to twitter in the barn, as they patiently waited for some new trtees to grow which could sway in the breeze.
Hypnobabe
10 Jul 2006, 13:41
Just then,
everyone, including his mum, decided to
Hypnobabe
10 Jul 2006, 16:39
reappear in the story as a
brief interlude from the lunacy that had been going on.
Still, the lunacy always liked going on the bus, so Brian
Hypnobabe
10 Jul 2006, 16:56
pulled himself together, (it was an impressive feat to watch) and bought him a ticket.
Hypnobabe
11 Jul 2006, 13:10
The rules to custard poker were quite simple, all you had to do was
Hypnobabe
11 Jul 2006, 14:29
(Brian had to confess that he was a little confused as to how the custard came into it, were you supposed to bet with it instead of chips? Did you see one bowl, raise a packet? He hoped some kind writer would explain it all to him...)
Rockette
13 Jul 2006, 12:52
(Brian had to confess that he was a little confused as to how the custard came into it, were you supposed to bet with it instead of chips? Did you see one bowl, raise a packet? He hoped some kind writer would explain it all to him...)
Is that the same as raisin the packet?
Of course Brian had been fully expecting that bad pun ...
Hypnobabe
13 Jul 2006, 17:57
...and being Brian, thought it was the absolute pinnacle of humour.
meanwhile, back at the ranch
there was something really strange happening with the family dog
rover kept singing out of tune which was unusual
Rockette
14 Jul 2006, 07:25
seeing how as his particular breed wasn't noted for singing at all.
Over in the barn as the wind flicked up dust clouds at the entrance the birds twittered,
Hypnobabe
14 Jul 2006, 12:00
until a volley of gunshots rang out, and all that was left of the twittering birds was a mass of feathers flying in the breeze.
The wind continued to flick up little dust clouds as the feathers floated around, in the distance more birds could be heard to be twittering.
Hypnobabe
14 Jul 2006, 12:28
More volleys of gunshots could be heard, hundreds upon hundreds of them, followed by the sound of someone with very heavy hobnailed boots stamping on every bird egg in the world with a large splattering noise, until finally, there was ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE of any birds doing any twittering at any point in the future.
At which point, the cicadas began to chirp....
In the distance a loan surviving bird twittered, as it very quickly evolved into an animal that could self replicate, in seconds there were four twittering birds, then 8, 16, 32 64, 128, 256 512, 1024, 2048 ...
Hypnobabe
14 Jul 2006, 13:03
*mutter mutter grumble moan*
Hypnobabe
14 Jul 2006, 13:33
Brian, meanwhile, was patiently waiting for the bus to move off, as the final of custard poker was creeping closer and closer, and he was really looking forward to finding out once and for all what the heck it was all about.
Hypnobabe
14 Jul 2006, 13:36
"I wonder whether I'm destined to be a major figure in this story, or if I'm one of those people they introduce just so they can be the first victim of the grisly serial killer?!"
Rockette
15 Jul 2006, 10:41
Damn! You heard me mutter that did you?
Lord Kagan
15 Jul 2006, 15:46
just then a pig walked up to an old lady
Hypnobabe
02 Aug 2006, 19:10
who happened to be standing nearby, watching
the Madras annual guinea pig race, held in honour of masking tape companies worldwide...
which this year was won by
an aardvark masquerading as
beleive it or not a guinea pig
although sheer size advantage required drug tests, which revealed
and believe me, anadin was rather startled by this development.
Hypnobabe
03 Aug 2006, 17:09
The resulting scandal meant the annual guinea pig race was replaced with something completely unexpected:
giraffe knotting. The first event of the day
was delayed because the wind was rustling the trees and the birds in the barn were making too much noise.
Hypnobabe
04 Aug 2006, 22:03
Luckily the noise made by the giraffes when things eventually got underway more than drowned out those pesky birds.
And they were off, the race was on to see who was the quickest at tying a knot in the giraffes neck however this wasn't the easiest of things to do...
Hypnobabe
04 Aug 2006, 22:39
due to the need to catch them first. Brian had the advantage, however, as he'd
drunk too much the previous night, he was quite pished...
And on rollerskates... so off he set
BUT...you can't even go up and down the stairs when drunk...so...
Hypnobabe
05 Aug 2006, 18:30
he set about installing a ramp.
But, of course...drunk people shouldn't be installing anything, much less ramps and so...
Hypnobabe
05 Aug 2006, 19:11
it was a total disaster, resulting in a trip to the hospital as Brian had managed to insert a
rather large screwdriver into his left nostril...
Rockette
06 Aug 2006, 10:18
instead of buying one of those little hair removal gadgets like everyone else, which could have done the two jobs instead of just one, which resulted in such a calamitous outcome
his glass eye shot out, and bounced neatly off the head of a nearby
patient who only turned out to be Gaz, he ended up in hospital from spraining his ankle from all the dancing he was doing from wooing Julie and all her animal friends, but it had backfired, he just wasn't as nimble and flexible as he used to be. Brian was sooo estatic inside to know this and soon set about trying to win back Julie's love....
by buying her yet another pet - this one an ugly but very rare bat...
who went by the name of baterella-bopalula, Julie was instantly smitten with her new friend and took pity on Brian for jetting round the world (on his private jet) 3 times to seek the elusive Bat. So to show how thankful she was she gave Brian a...
kiss on the cheek and her entire collection of comics books which she was going to dispose of the next day anyway...
as they were still covered in strawberry jam from the incident. This had lead to a large number of
MeatGrl1
07 Aug 2006, 01:33
Flying bats
being mildly startled, because
MeatGrl1
07 Aug 2006, 01:44
Of the light from
Hypnobabe
07 Aug 2006, 02:38
Brian's smile, as while a lot of the other action had been occuring in the story earlier on, he'd had the opportunity to nip out to the dentist and get his teeth bleached. The dentist he'd used was a bit of a cowboy though, and had used Domestos instead of the proper teeth-bleaching bleach, and so Brian was starting to feel a bit queasy, having poured all that alcohol on top of it. Luckily, Julie had a pocket full of
Rockette
07 Aug 2006, 02:58
left those dreadful trails all over his teeth. The kind of trails that are usually reserved for
the floors of caves inhabited by Neanderthals, however in this case
Rockette
07 Aug 2006, 03:33
it was Brian's teeth.
But, of course, this story, dear reader is not about teeth...especially, Brian's...so as we move forward with our story...
a long way forward, in fact, for our story now leaps to the year 3947, by which time
Rockette
07 Aug 2006, 13:04
Brian's smile, as while a lot of the other action had been occuring in the story earlier on, he'd had the opportunity to nip out to the dentist and get his teeth bleached. The dentist he'd used was a bit of a cowboy though, and had used Domestos instead of the proper teeth-bleaching bleach, and so Brian was starting to feel a bit queasy, having poured all that alcohol on top of it. Luckily, Julie had a pocket full of
Ahem! I beg to differ MsZee
Rockette
07 Aug 2006, 13:06
it comes to light that a psychic is onboard.
However the story continues about Brian and his Neanderthal looking teeth for the time being, Julie who by now was completely sloshed and sozzled and excited (from her new pet) found she was quite attracted to Brians teeth especially as her own were mere browny/yellowy stumps that resulted in a bizarre accident when...
Hypnobabe
08 Aug 2006, 00:24
the resulting smell knocked out a
small South American country.
But Julie had no idea. Instead she thought the knocking out of a whole entire country was due to...
...to her eating cheese and marmite toast that very morning...
Hypnobabe
08 Aug 2006, 17:06
a combination which, it was well known across the whole of South America, would
satisfy the hunger cravings of all people with culinary taste.
Hypnobabe
08 Aug 2006, 17:43
The South Americans, however, had different tastes to the local Yorkshiremen, and were completely shocked at the effect Marmite had on their insides (after all, you either love it or you hate it) and when they tried the Marmite slammers as recommended by one of the aforementioned Yorkshiremen, they all fell down in a drunken stupor, probably from Marmite shock as much as anything else, hence why the whole country had been knocked out.
Brian, meanwhile,
was outside twittering with the birds and rustling with the wind.
Hypnobabe
08 Aug 2006, 17:58
The rustling he was doing was the kind involving stealing lots of cows and selling them for a profit. Unfortunately, the only cows in the vicinity were stuffed toy ones in the window of the local department store, or some on the cardboard packaging of his favourite lunchtime snack, Dairylea Dunkers.
Which he used to eat with the added gastronomic attraction of Marmite, spread thinly over the dunker before it was dunked into the dunkee dairylea.
Hypnobabe
10 Aug 2006, 19:39
Suddenly, a deep voice announced "'Ello 'ello 'ello, what's going on 'ere then?" and Brian's only option was
Lord Kagan
10 Aug 2006, 19:46
to grow a third hand, and?
Hypnobabe
10 Aug 2006, 20:24
try to distract the policeman so he wouldn't see that
he was eating Dairylea Dunkers and Marmie in a built up area.
However the police man had already spotted Brian eating his marmite and dairylee dunkers, brian should have known better knowing that there was a ban on eating this combination from 7am-11pm (It would often have a nasty effect on the locals hence the knocking out of an entire country) BUT the police man couldn't resist the sight and smell and bargained with Brian for his marmite and Dairylee dunkers...The bargain was...
Hypnobabe
12 Aug 2006, 18:21
that if he handed them over immediately and promised not to ask any awkward questions, the copper would refrain from arresting him and also give him a free
dip in his dunker :yikes: Brian took this completely the wrong way and bolted for the nearest bus stop...
which was only 50 yards away with a bus waiting to go to the next city
Hypnobabe
13 Aug 2006, 17:44
The marmite-y smell had lingered on Brian's clothes, however, and as the bus-driver was one of those people who hate Marmite, he refused to let Brian board the bus until he'd
Lord Kagan
13 Aug 2006, 17:46
Gotten naked and rubbed a jar of tomato sause on himself...(ive gone mad)
Hypnobabe
13 Aug 2006, 17:49
Unfortunately for Brian, the copper was still standing watching him, and as soon as the first item of clothing came off, Brian was arrested for all sorts of crimes, including but not limited to
disrobing to reveal Bob The Builder boxer shorts in a built up area.
Hypnobabe
14 Aug 2006, 17:54
This charge carried a minimum sentance of
fourteen years basic spelling tests.
Lord Kagan
14 Aug 2006, 17:56
10 years for indecent exposure, and he didnt have a building permit so that added to
Hypnobabe
14 Aug 2006, 17:58
the list of charges. The list was now so long that the copper wasn't able to fit it all in his pocket, and instead
he rolled the list up and placed it inside his helmet.
Lord Kagan
14 Aug 2006, 18:19
Where it was met with a scalp full of dandrulff
Hypnobabe
14 Aug 2006, 18:28
as the copper in question had very poor standards of personal hygiene.
Lord Kagan
14 Aug 2006, 18:47
Alas at the last minute
Hypnobabe
14 Aug 2006, 19:06
the combination of dandruff and sweat from the copper's sweaty head caused the charge sheet to disintegrate, which made the copper extremely angry, and he started to shout
Lord Kagan
14 Aug 2006, 19:10
Abuse at the elderly lady passing by, then suddenly she turned to the copper and pulled out her...
And quite a large gun which was all tangled in her knitting...
Lord Kagan
15 Aug 2006, 16:25
As she began to unravel the gun
Rockette
15 Aug 2006, 16:42
it began to spin a yarn
"There goes my dear nephew's new sweater," - exclaimed...
Hypnobabe
15 Aug 2006, 23:47
the dear, sweet little old lady, as she fired six rounds into her nephew, the copper.
Lord Kagan
15 Aug 2006, 23:50
Slowly reached for his gun, but in doing so it caught on his trousers..
got stuck in them...Boom...sound of the shot echoed...
MeatGrl1
16 Aug 2006, 04:02
Through the quiet desolute house
Rockette
16 Aug 2006, 04:12
Alas! What had he actually shot? Could it be
The left hind leg of his favorite armchair???
Rockette
16 Aug 2006, 05:54
Perhaps so, as it happened to be a folding armchair so that he could tote it wherever he pleased. The sweet little old lady
smelled of Werthers Originals.
As she always carried some in her pockets to shut the heck up her grandchildren who...
Hypnobabe
16 Aug 2006, 14:13
spent the whole day asking stupid inane questions like, 'Are we there yet?' or 'Whyyyyyyy?' or 'Please, Granny, can you knit me a jumper?' Her response (up until the discovery of Werther's Originals) had always been
to say "parlare il bambino nauseabondo italiano, io non parlano inglese" (she was Italian you see)
Hypnobabe
16 Aug 2006, 14:59
and the only phrase she knew in English was "There goes my dear nephew's new sweater," which was not a particularly useful phrase, and had been the reason why she'd decided not to learn any more English.
as the (over)use of that single phrase had got her into serious bother more than once. For example,
Hypnobabe
16 Aug 2006, 15:11
she'd been punched in the face by a rather burly man, who thought she was accusing him of having nicked her nephew's sweater, when in fact, she thought she was asking what time the bus to Bedford would arrive.
Lord Kagan
16 Aug 2006, 15:15
Alas the bus was taking its time so the granny sat down at the bus stopped and spotted a nice..
copy of Peoples Friend which she picked up to look at the pictures contained within it
Lord Kagan
16 Aug 2006, 15:22
But to her suprise those pictures were not of people but of
Lord Kagan
16 Aug 2006, 15:33
Which seemed strange as
she translated it to mean 'New Sweater's Today' but these pictures showed people not wearing sweaters (which confused her) instead they wore.....
This angered the sweet little old lady who then took out her gun from her purse just as Brian was stepping onto the bus...
she shot the copy of peoples friend to pieces. What are peoples friends doing wearing cardigans (she thought to herself in Italian), why aren't they wearing a nice sweater like normal people do?
"Mad English people" she thought to herself (in italian) however Brian caught her eye especially as he was wearing a brand new "I love horses" jumper that Julie had knitted him in thanks of him buying her (or capturing!) a rare bat....
Hypnobabe
16 Aug 2006, 16:14
and as Julie had been taking a new Linguaphone (or other well-known audio language course) Italian course, she'd knitted I love horses in Italian.
Which was very bizarre, as the majority of people knitted in wool, and also Linguaphone didn;t do courses on knitting in their audio range.
Ahhh the sweet little old lady thought as she saw Brians sweater, she tucked her gun back down into her bloomers, and she patted the seat for Brian to sit down next to her....
Lord Kagan
16 Aug 2006, 16:53
Just before Brian sat down the old lady placed a pin on Brians seat
Hypnobabe
16 Aug 2006, 17:33
and the credit card next to it
Lord Kagan
16 Aug 2006, 17:49
So that Brian may get into the old ladys
Hypnobabe
16 Aug 2006, 18:02
good books
which were all written by Dan Brown, rather than by a collective.
Hypnobabe
16 Aug 2006, 18:13
They included all his famous titles, such as The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons, as well as some of his lesser known works - The Van Gogh Jigsaw and Goodies and Baddies.
Lord Kagan
16 Aug 2006, 18:14
Which all had the secret code to
something secret hidden secretly inside them, in code.
Hypnobabe
16 Aug 2006, 18:24
and the Pin the old lady had left on the seat of the bus was the code to decode the secret code the books had been encoded with.
Lord Kagan
16 Aug 2006, 18:28
But the code that the old lady left turned out to be wrong as one of the digits of the code was not coded peoperly to fit in with the rest of the code
(I think this is enough for the word code)
Hypnobabe
16 Aug 2006, 18:31
Once mis-unencrypted, the secret revealed
Lord Kagan
16 Aug 2006, 18:32
The the old lady was in fact
Not so old...and not a lady at all...BUT...
MeatGrl1
16 Aug 2006, 20:34
A witch!
Lord Kagan
16 Aug 2006, 21:20
So He cast a spell on Brian which turned him into
a blithering idiot, although frankly it was difficult to see any difference.
since Brian was missing a few screws in his head to start with.
Lord Kagan
18 Aug 2006, 16:43
Though as Brian was so slow now the old lady felt slightly sorry for him so decided
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