View Full Version : Alternative story thread...
to turn him into Cinderella...because the old lady was not at all a witch...but, in fact a fairy godmother...
Lord Kagan
18 Aug 2006, 17:45
Who wore
fairy godmother outfit which consisted of...
Lord Kagan
18 Aug 2006, 18:05
Fairy wings and a pink
Rockette
19 Aug 2006, 12:47
it suddenly began raining. This made her outfit sag in all the wrong places and her wings melt
she became upset and started to
MeatGrl1
20 Aug 2006, 03:34
Cry uncontrollably and
lost her mind due to the sudden change in weather
take a chance on quick visit to her aunt's remote house in crossblethen
Lord Kagan
21 Aug 2006, 21:28
Where she met little red riding hood
having a dance with the big bad wolf
MeatGrl1
22 Aug 2006, 02:03
Who was amazingly behaving himself and not showing his 'big bad teeth'!
because it was the wolf with the red roses, who walked out of the story to find a girl who would offer
him a better deal than the two for one offer he'd got at specsavers.
him a better deal than the two for one offer he'd got at specsavers.
he wanted at least 3 for 1 at the
because it is the dry cleaner he needs for his coat to
be completely and finally demolished...
Lord Kagan
22 Aug 2006, 17:32
So that it gets rid of his uncontrolable
Lord Kagan
22 Aug 2006, 17:36
Alas it was fixed but not in time to..
let it go by multiple grammar teachers...
Lord Kagan
22 Aug 2006, 17:58
Just as
he heard a ringing coming from the distance
Rockette
24 Aug 2006, 11:07
he wondered if it could be the local temple calling it's followers to vespers. These were an unusual sect calling themselves Breatharians, a very new and exclusive sect who had piles of money in order to
Lord Kagan
24 Aug 2006, 16:03
Make all the horses in the world pink, by buying all the pink dye
Hypnobabe
24 Aug 2006, 19:51
that hadn't already been used to make special furry slippers, suitable for fairy godmothers.
At this point in our story we do have to mention...
Hypnobabe
24 Aug 2006, 20:14
the fact that
well...let's not rush to the conclusion that this is precisely a fact...
of wholly worth that needed telling in a
story such as this...but rather...
foolishly came out in the
course of speeding by time
that, of course, was set up there for a particular reason...
Lord Kagan
25 Aug 2006, 00:07
Which was
to record a new sound experiance the likes of whitch we have never herd before by
None other than the one and only Man-God...
MeatGrl1
25 Aug 2006, 04:05
Walked in and
Hypnobabe
25 Aug 2006, 13:17
as everyone knows, the Man-God himself is none other than... da da da daaaaaaah!
Lord Kagan
25 Aug 2006, 14:35
ME!!!!! who was very
mistaken because REAL MAN-GOD is Mr. Meat Loaf
Rockette
25 Aug 2006, 17:38
Gasps of shock and disbelief rang out from the readers, who rushed over to the REAL-MAN-GOD, now known as Mr Meat Loaf. They managed to force their way right into the pages of this story and
of course, created much expected havoc which...
Lord Kagan
25 Aug 2006, 18:21
Made me back into a god
But since the story was NOT AT ALL about Lord Kagan...
Lord Kagan
25 Aug 2006, 18:46
:( The story was infact about a man who
Lord Kagan
26 Aug 2006, 00:27
But not in the way that hayley was thinking off..:shock:
but as lord kagan knowingly had
misled everybody concerned into thinking...
that he was in the story & was found
on the bottom of the well of Lost Plots...
Rockette
26 Aug 2006, 04:16
from which he will undoubtedly drag himself. If only Brian would return to the fray and
turn this story around...
Rockette
26 Aug 2006, 12:53
so we can understand why he and Julie never
Lord Kagan
26 Aug 2006, 15:23
As brian had problems getting
his act and other thingies together...
Lord Kagan
26 Aug 2006, 15:41
But when the time came
Rockette
27 Aug 2006, 04:15
he never really could excel at anything at all. His glass eye was a constant reminder of
the better days of wine and roses...
Rockette
27 Aug 2006, 10:40
until that fateful day when a rose thorn ....
Lord Kagan
28 Aug 2006, 16:55
would turn brian into
Hypnobabe
28 Aug 2006, 19:45
the new, improved, politically correct version of Sleeping Beauty.
And by politically correct we - the authors of this story - mean...
the thorn was posioned by a mystery person who wanted
to be identified only as...
the beauty within ..On a calling card left at
the reception desk of the nearby hotel.
Lord Kagan
01 Sep 2006, 21:59
That started
in the clearest way you could say
And without any other obscure meaning...
that reminded everyone that
the weather was extremely nice...
& perfect for an open air concert in the ajoinig
was holding a meat loaf convention with a guest of
the only person it could be but
the man of the moment non other than
and as we're just about to reveal the name...
of the person choosen to be
there comes the rain again...
Lord Kagan
02 Sep 2006, 20:58
as his name was
Hypnobabe
02 Sep 2006, 22:01
starring in the convention, it was Bob the Cellarman from the Bat and Belfry.
But, of course, those who have never been to Bat and Belfry...
(Sorry, just have to stick some promo material in)
But, of course, those who have never been to Bat and Belfry...
(Sorry, just have to stick some promo material in)
dunno what they are missing and really should get in there as soon as they read about it in this story,
Ahem...once done with this blatant advertisement...
Hypnobabe
03 Sep 2006, 22:35
the writers decided they should find something thrilling for Bob to get on with, so without further ado, they wrote him an exciting storyline, including the thrilling moment when he
falls down the stairs straight to the cellar head first...
& gets stright up without a scratch to his own
Hypnobabe
04 Sep 2006, 13:15
isn't really Bob, but
Hypnobabe
04 Sep 2006, 15:12
is
something entirely unexpected;
something entirely magical...
and rather green, it was in fact:
but let's get back to our story...
in which bob the cellerman was really merlin the great who
wasn't even Merlin the Great but somebody quite else...
like MSZEE the flyingmouse's virtual better half who had a
virtual husband if you can believe such nonsense...but, of course, the story isn't about her or him or them...our story is...
about an alternative story to ones we've posted on this site which is fab & brings tears & laughter to over 1500 posters who
never read it and never will...
press which will go out of business only 2 days later after book hits the stores...
because no one wanted to pay the sum of
bezillion pounds for one measly copy of the book written by a bunch of...
deicated fans on the best website for ml fans however
it still good story didn't make...albeit a very long one...
thats sill being written today after a
a few tins of home grown beer that tastes like
pot but nobody will know the difference...
after the 3 one they were away with the sheep - ba
Hypnobabe
05 Sep 2006, 16:01
Bob the cellarman, on the other hand, was busily
enjoying his tea break, he was sat on a bench watching the wind blow dust eddies across the yard and listening to the birds twittering in the distant barn.
Hypnobabe
05 Sep 2006, 16:44
He listened a bit longer, then carefully set down his tea mug, picked up a rather hefty looking golf club, took careful aim, and whacked the ball as hard as he could, to be rewarded by a lot of squawking and flapping as the ball landed hard in the middle of the distant barn full of birds. After a few moments, they had all flown away, leaving nothing but a peaceful silence. Bob picked up his tea mug again, and continued his tea break.
until herd in the distance a twin blade(helicopter)coming towards him
Hypnobabe
06 Sep 2006, 18:47
which, unfortunately, flew into a flock of squawking birds that had recently taken flight unexpectedly, and so the helicopter had to make an emergency landing for extensive repairs to the blades, which would leave it out of commission for at least a month. In the meantime, peace returned...
to the world, poverty was ended and famine was a thing of the past.
duke knooby
07 Sep 2006, 01:55
could never happen in reality at this moment in time
or any moment in time for this matter...
but since when did reality matter in this story,thought Brian.
Lord Kagan
08 Sep 2006, 15:54
Since relaity can be an illusion Brian decided to
Hypnobabe
08 Sep 2006, 22:11
learn a few magic tricks, and fit right in with the 'all reality is an illusion' theory.
Lord Kagan
08 Sep 2006, 22:14
Though Brian thought that as his perception is sometimes wrong he could boost his magic tricks by wearing the magical
cloak of destiny or so what he thought after a few trys &
& a bottle of jd he throws himself a
looked a bit differant inside the entrance to the royal albert hall as it was
blocking the entrance itself with vengeance
worthy of a penguin on LSD
the water troff filled with lefted over beer from the royal albert hall on 16 october that had ran dry ... hic
Hypnobabe
12 Sep 2006, 13:08
In the meantime, Brian
MeatGrl1
12 Sep 2006, 13:11
Lost the plot and
dived into the clear blue ocean to look for it
Hypnobabe
13 Sep 2006, 12:55
where unfortunately, he met a
siren, which he was drawn to like a moth to a flame. He knew her love would be the death of him, but he swam to her just the same.
Hypnobabe
13 Sep 2006, 13:07
It took ages though, because Brian couldn't swim very well at all. About the best he could manage was a bit of a doggy paddle, and only then if he had his armbands and rubber ring to keep him afloat.
Sadly, he had neither with him.
Hypnobabe
13 Sep 2006, 13:39
As the thrashing about in the water and choking noises were testament to.
all humankind stupidity and
the way to go on our way to
because he was blind as a bat
and as we all know...bats are
flying mammals who like to fly in
& around the belfry for a quick
Hypnobabe
14 Sep 2006, 16:37
pint or two
Hypnobabe
14 Sep 2006, 16:45
nuts
which was a bizarre mix that had recently been marketed by KP with a TV advertising campaing featuring
Hypnobabe
16 Sep 2006, 13:00
an almost unknown Z-list celebrity, dressed up as a giant scampi, singing a song about nuts.
while dressed as a Transvestite
and looking suspiciously enough just like...
Hypnobabe
03 Oct 2006, 15:37
Brian.
allrevvedup
03 Oct 2006, 15:40
the sea parted to reveal a lost city filled with people no bigger then 3ft
Hypnobabe
03 Oct 2006, 15:40
while the careless writers had left this thread unattended, Brian had managed to
draft in a set of parallel writers who would spend their time writing two lines at exactly the same time, which only served to
allrevvedup
03 Oct 2006, 15:41
leave the entire world stunned and aghast that a story so well written could not win anything in the oscars
But wait...aren't we ahead of ourselves???
Hypnobabe
04 Oct 2006, 12:08
Meanwhile, the 3ft tall people had overrun Slough, leading to
A thrid series of The Office being commissioned.
allrevvedup
04 Oct 2006, 12:41
which wasn't what the 3ft people wanted to hear, seeing as they were paid up members of the Will & Grace Fanclub
Hypnobabe
04 Oct 2006, 12:43
They protested long and hard about this, and eventually absolutely nothing was done about it.
so the 3ft tall people joined the lost tv wannabe cast
Hypnobabe
04 Oct 2006, 12:48
Which was much easier than it sounded, as being only 3ft tall they had a tendency to get misplaced anyway, but this way they were being paid shedloads of money for doing what they normally did.
batcity
04 Oct 2006, 12:51
And it was a better part because the director wanted them to be Christmas Elves for the Christmas special.
allrevvedup
04 Oct 2006, 12:53
however one of the 3ft tall people, who at 3ft 1in was considered the leader,sold his story to the Tabloids causing friction amongst the rest.
His book 'It's a small world after all' went on to sell a grand total of 4 copies...as not many people could find it in big bookstores, only small ones
which was going out at easter instead because someone had misplaced it on the csi pile
allrevvedup
04 Oct 2006, 13:14
To which a film was made from the book 'it's a small world after all'
with the main song off the soundtrack 'It's small coming back to me now'!
But, of course, dear read, we all know THAT was not THAT small...
allrevvedup
04 Oct 2006, 15:09
The 3ft people denied accusations that they were carrying mini weapons of mass destruction
Hypnobabe
04 Oct 2006, 16:37
and hoped the UN inspectors might overlook the extremely big weapons of mass distraction they had in the back of the van.
as well as stuck in their pants...
allrevvedup
04 Oct 2006, 17:10
those tight fitting pants stored pocket rockets for which the male 3ft people told all females that they were genuinely pleased to see them
Being very wise females, of course, and isn't it always the case, dear reader, they have never believed the males...however...
then the giant awoke with a funny head thinking what a nightmeare i've just had
allrevvedup
04 Oct 2006, 17:48
he scratched his head and heard the faints sounds of Bat Out Of Hell III in the distance...was the monster indeed loose?
Hypnobabe
04 Oct 2006, 17:51
Luckily, he heard the noises again and realised they were coming from the direction of his stomach, and in fact were trying to tell him he was hungry and should eat. Therefore, the giant made his favourite lunch of
allrevvedup
04 Oct 2006, 17:53
tortoise and corned beef sandwiches finished off with snails and a side order of garlic bread
Hypnobabe
04 Oct 2006, 17:57
with jam on.
and to wash it all down he drank
allrevvedup
04 Oct 2006, 17:59
12 gallons of Miller GD
Of course, we all know what happens when you do THAT...however, what really happened was...
Hypnobabe
04 Oct 2006, 18:04
an enormous burp, so big that it caused earthquakes and floods in
Lord Kagan
04 Oct 2006, 21:39
The neighbours back
garden & caused the hot tub too
allrevvedup
05 Oct 2006, 14:49
bubble up like a massive jacuzzi but it looked more like a cauldron fit for a witch...but she was on her day off which meant that...
Hypnobabe
05 Oct 2006, 15:30
Brian would have to make his own dinner, once he'd taken his socks off the boil.
allrevvedup
05 Oct 2006, 15:33
which left him dancing barefoot...confusing the 3 ft people and the monster to no end...
Hypnobabe
06 Oct 2006, 14:17
...not to mention the poor deluded writers, who were desperately trying to keep up with the non-existant plot.
allrevvedup
06 Oct 2006, 14:34
just when the writers thought they had all the answers, the questions were changed
they were actually the same questions, just printed in a different font and colour
allrevvedup
06 Oct 2006, 14:43
which to those who were colour blind was difficult
on a separate topic the 3ft people had developed Megalophobia (fear of large things)
Lord Kagan
06 Oct 2006, 19:12
But at the same time, In big person town they were planning to
allrevvedup
06 Oct 2006, 19:14
hold a ceremony to elect the Queen with the bookmakers backing Marion Raven, Patti Russo being out of the running
Lord Kagan
06 Oct 2006, 19:15
As she was caught with her
allrevvedup
06 Oct 2006, 19:20
microphone in the wrong stand...but her shoes managed to stay on her feet throughout the ordeal
Lord Kagan
06 Oct 2006, 19:21
amazing as that sounds it was nothing compared to
Hypnobabe
06 Oct 2006, 21:09
the dilemma faced by the town Barry Manilow was visiting when he sneezed and discovered he'd forgotten to pack his 'special' tissues :shock:
Lord Kagan
06 Oct 2006, 22:06
Which he misplaced in the
Hypnobabe
09 Oct 2006, 15:47
basket of his bicycle.
Hypnobabe
09 Oct 2006, 16:47
a time machine which had been secretly developed by the boffins at
the super secret Institute of Techonology and Other Junk
allrevvedup
09 Oct 2006, 16:50
at the university of Universally challenged people, a strange place indeed where a fun time can be had by all...if ya like that you'll like...
to go to the royal albert hall to see a big man with a big voice sing big big songs for five nights
and if you DON'T like it, well then you just have no culture ...
Hypnobabe
14 Jul 2007, 10:25
Unfortunatly for anyone still reading this story, the only culture to be found anywhere near it was the one in the bottom of the live yoghurt Brian was about to have for his tea.
which exploded with offensive qualities that was up there with the best from the big brother house
and covered them all with vile, slimy probiotic substances ...
Hypnobabe
14 Jul 2007, 22:52
After a quick shower, the writers got together to try and see if the plot could be rescued at all, or if they should start a completely new plot with completely new characters. After much discussion, they decided to
cut there losses & hire the mlukfc to write for them as they are most doubfully the most expireance funny writers of all time without being
Hypnobabe
14 Jul 2007, 23:23
completely insensitive to the
the way we all need to talk to each other at least 20 times a day
without saying anything of great significance at all ....
but had a fun time in doing so the time went without an apperance from
the dreadfully, aweful, tonedeaf fan of the mighty man himself ...
who we all know as ..........
the one and only, the MAN, the favourite ...
Rockette
15 Aug 2007, 11:54
Michael Crawford perhaps? Alas, he really didn't want to
but perhaps he could be tortured and made to talk ... I mean, sing ...
for the opening of the new musical
starring a newcomer, Chris!!!
Rockette
17 Aug 2007, 21:50
However, being a newcomer, Chris needed some extra special
voice lessons from a very special coach, namely ....
Rockette
24 Aug 2007, 06:18
Sylvester Stallone and his trusty sidekick
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