View Full Version : Quotes of the day ....
What profoundly stupid or hilarious things have you heard people say today?
"See, I was right apart from everything"
being one the best I've heard so far today :lmao:
The Flying Mouse
22 Apr 2007, 18:13
:twisted: "I can't hit a 20 today with a wet hankie" :wtf:
Said by Dinky, one of our pub regulars, while I was having a game of darts with him.
RadioMaster
22 Apr 2007, 19:28
in a pub this afternoon, the next table:
"How's your little one doing? How old is he now? 5, 6?"
"He just turned 30"
MeatGrl1
23 Apr 2007, 02:19
"This is one hell of a scenic view!"
:heart: Jack - Black Top :heart:
LMFAO
Pudding
23 Apr 2007, 07:24
"This is one hell of a scenic view!"
:heart: Jack - Black Top :heart:
LMFAO
I think the thread was meant to mean quotes from 'real' people and not ones off the telly, otherwise we'll end up with a movie quotes thread :roll: "talk to me goose"
Some woman - "How old is your baby?"
Me - "Two and a half months"
Some woman - "Is that 10 weeks?" :shock:
Pud :twisted:
Me: So Steve isn't here today - does it mean he bought that house?
My boss: I hope so...he is moving in today...
RadioMaster
23 Apr 2007, 17:12
not really a quote, but someone told me today they've been to the animal shelter, and there was a black sex-doll sitting next to one cage fully clothed. Person from the shelter shall have said they found it the other night and clothed it to make it attract less attention from the visitors....
I read this somewhere else ... Chris is playing with his marbles...and that's why you took the site down???:lawl:
I read this somewhere else ... :lawl:
This is unbelievable...I reckon this is the first time I was quoted...and by the big boss himself!!!!WOW!!!
From this morning's marathon service review meeting ..
We're actively doing nothing about that issue.
Monstro
24 Apr 2007, 14:23
Wasn't today but was on a benefit form a client filled in........
"I know I'm suicidal as I've killed myself fourteen times"
Pudding
25 Apr 2007, 10:42
At a BBQ at some friends today.
My mate "so what's that shitty smell?"
Me "it's shit mate, you've just stood in some"
Pud :twisted:
From big unnamed American Corporation:
One Group: We need this system built as soon as possible
Second Group: We need requirements to know what is it that you want us to build.
One Group: We can't give it to you - it's proprietory information...
This has been going on for over 4 years now...the system isn't built yet...
Me: Do you offer a fax service?
ShopKeeper: Yes
Me: How much is it please?
SK: 10p per page
Me: OK, can I send 5 pages please?
SK: No, the lad who works where who knows how to work the machine doesn't work Mondays.
Hypnobabe
07 May 2007, 18:53
My four year old son, Charlie: "What's the time mummy?"
Me: "it's dinner time"
Charlie: "No it isn't, dinner's not a number"
RadioMaster
07 May 2007, 18:54
at the hospital:
doc: has there ever been cases of diabetes in your family?
my father: no, except for my mother in her last years
doc: Is your mother part of your family?
Hypnobabe
07 May 2007, 18:58
Not recently, but...
My mate Angie to her then three year old niece Emily: "Look Emily, there's a bird!"
Emily: "Actually, it's a jackdaw... but it's LIKE a bird..."
Talk about being put firmly in your place... :lmao:
Ohh I was talking about Jackdaws on Friday - are they not birds??!?! I'm concerned that a three year old knows the answer to this!
I thought they were birds! I know I have my moments but I knew I couldn't be that wrong :lol:
I've been reliably informed that they like shiney things, so why I didn't know that I don't know, they're one of my kind! :p
samurai7
08 May 2007, 01:47
Ohh I was talking about Jackdaws on Friday - are they not birds??!?! I'm concerned that a three year old knows the answer to this!
I thought they were birds! I know I have my moments but I knew I couldn't be that wrong :lol:
I've been reliably informed that they like shiney things, so why I didn't know that I don't know, they're one of my kind! :p
Are you sure you're not bonde? :wtf:
Are you sure you're not blonde? :wtf:
She's a malteser ...
Monstro
08 May 2007, 11:19
She's a malteser ...
PMSL, love that expression (and so true)!!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maltesers
Gotcha...make me one too...
Is it something like our Milk Duds?
Ohh how did I know the Malteser thing would end up on the forum! :p
This is something that I overheard a few weeks ago which I'm going to use to generalise teenagers from Hartlepool...
A girl I know was dyeing some fabric with various ratios of water to dye, and so she had to make the dyes and log the ratios used for each. So she recorded that she'd used one teaspoon of dye...and proceeded to find a tape measure to measure how much water she'd used :shock:
This is the same girl who is about to start a degree in Costume Design and Production and asked "What are cuffs?"
Cuffs? Luce...did you just open yet another can of worms??? :lmao:
RadioMaster
08 May 2007, 18:44
whats in this juice?
Oh, some exotic fruits, plums and stuff.
Hypnobabe
11 May 2007, 23:32
According to the weather report on my local news just now, we're going to have scatty showers tomorrow :shock:
Hypnobabe
29 May 2007, 13:07
A bit late, I know, but from the walk to Wembley on May 23rd...
Me: Who's that?
Someone else who may have been Samcat (apologies if it wasn't!!!): That's Bap, but you many not recognise him as he isn't dressed as a daffodil.
RadioMaster
29 May 2007, 13:11
~~~~~~ off you ~~~~~~~, ~~~~~~ off :))
Hangs head in shame yes that was me!! I've never met such a lovely person but every time i looked at him i saw a dafffodil!!
RadioMaster
29 May 2007, 20:41
ok, heres another one:
Me to Jonty about frilled shirts:
"I wear them because it looks cool, not to attract gay people.....like you"
that comment went a different direction than I expected.
duke knooby
29 May 2007, 22:47
^^^^^^^^^
he made that up completely... probably dreamt it
Quote of the day...
'It's not you... it's me'
:roll::evil:
Oh thats a classic line!!
samurai7
29 May 2007, 23:35
me, after some card tricks by our very own Flying Mouse:
"Now if only you could sing you'd be an all-round entertainer!" :p
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
RadioMaster
29 May 2007, 23:37
me, after some card tricks by our very own Flying Mouse:
"Now if only you could sing you'd be an all-round entertainer!" :p
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
like you did in the subway station? :lmao:
me, after some card tricks by our very own Flying Mouse:
"Now if only you could sing you'd be an all-round entertainer!" :p
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Oh I remember that one...was damn funny...:lmao:
RadioMaster
31 May 2007, 16:37
I wont post the stupidest thing I ever said the three days, no, not me, I wont. :nope::silence:
But SamCat knows what it was. At the bar, remember? :oops:
Sorry again, you know it wasnt meant as it sounded Em! :oops::oops::oops:
There was what i thought was a fabulous quote on Radio 2 this lunchtime.
The debate was about Animal Rights Terrorists and suchlike when a woman rang up:
"Some time ago i was on a duck shoot with some friends when an animal rights chap came running along shouting "Why are you killing innocent ducks?" Quick as a flash the gamekeeper shouted back "Because they are a right ~~~~~~ to get in the oven live.":lol::lol:
I wont post the stupidest thing I ever said the three days, no, not me, I wont. :nope::silence:
But SamCat knows what it was. At the bar, remember? :oops:
Sorry again, you know it wasnt meant as it sounded Em! :oops::oops::oops:
And just to prove it i've had to sit here for 5 mins thinking really hard before i remembered it!!!
Monstro
01 Jun 2007, 01:42
And just to prove it i've had to sit here for 5 mins thinking really hard before i remembered it!!!
See....that's what happens when you hit 40 lol
See....that's what happens when you hit 40 lol
:lmao: I'd be careful if I were you Michael ... there's a certain quote from a certain someone that hasn't made the forum yet :twisted:
Hypnobabe
01 Jun 2007, 15:15
:lmao: I'd be careful if I were you Michael ... there's a certain quote from a certain someone that hasn't made the forum yet :twisted:
Oh go on... do tell...
Monstro
01 Jun 2007, 15:32
:lmao: I'd be careful if I were you Michael ... there's a certain quote from a certain someone that hasn't made the forum yet :twisted:
You could fill a thread all by itself with the stupid things I've said lol
You could fill a thread all by itself with the stupid things I've said lol
Great idea for a thread...
Stupid things that Monstro said...PMSL
You could fill a thread all by itself with the stupid things I've said lol
You manage that on your own mate :lmao:
This one is a classic though ... and has a picture to accompany it ...
You manage that on your own mate :lmao:
This one is a classic though ... and has a picture to accompany it ...
Oh come on now, Andy...post it...
I'm waiting till the time is right .. and unitil I've sorted my photo's
I'm waiting till the time is right .. and unitil I've sorted my photo's
:(
I know there is somewhere a great photo of me and Michael...but nobody is brave enough to post it on the forum...
You who has that photo knows who you're and which photo I am talking about...could you at least e-mail it to me?
Monstro
01 Jun 2007, 18:35
:(
I know there is somewhere a great photo of me and Michael...but nobody is brave enough to post it on the forum...
You who has that photo knows who you're and which photo I am talking about...could you at least e-mail it to me?
I know which photo, in fact there's a series of five photo's, the fourth being the one you're interested in......................at the moment the only way it'll get posted is through me. To quote Andy "I'll wait til the time is right" lol
I know which photo, in fact there's a series of five photo's, the fourth being the one you're interested in......................at the moment the only way it'll get posted is through me. To quote Andy "I'll wait til the time is right" lol
*Laughs and laughs*
FIVE????????????????????????????????????
From WHERE? Thought there is only one in existence...was I THAT drunk??? :oops:
And the right time would be???
There is no time like now...
Michael...you're an absolute star!!! Just thought I'd mention it...
Hypnobabe
29 Jun 2007, 13:14
Today's quote of the day?
From This Morning...
Garden expert to Phillip Schofield:
You've got a flaming sword (plant), haven't you?
Phillip Schofield:
Yes, but Dr Chris has given me some ointment for it...
Cpl Mickey
29 Jun 2007, 14:32
Today's quote of the day?
From This Morning...
Garden expert to Phillip Schofield:
You've got a flaming sword (plant), haven't you?
Phillip Schofield:
Yes, but Dr Chris has given me some ointment for it...
Love it :lol:
Monstro
02 Jul 2007, 21:23
Two thirty this morning and my flatmate comes in front door.........
Anji - That your flatmate?
Me - Bloody hope so
tinkerbell
18 Jul 2007, 23:11
heard an expression from behind me in the cinema tonite, After Harry and Dumbledore were vindicated, Harry said "now do you believe me"?
All i could hear a row behind was.......... NUMBNUT....................very funny over a quiet cinema.
Heard from the kitchen moments ago ...
"What else goes in Mango Chicken? ... Ohhhh Mango"
Monstro
19 Jul 2007, 20:49
Heard from the kitchen moments ago ...
"What else goes in Mango Chicken? ... Ohhhh Mango"
Best drop hints about the chicken bit as well lol
That was second out of the fridge ... even the spinach was remembered this time :lmao:
Whilst watching the news headlines about the floods we got to discussing how we would cope in terms of eating and drinking if we didn't have water...we realised that we'd probably be ok because we could still cook our main meat-based meals, but we wouldn't be able to do rice, pasta or noodles with them...
BUT! Never fear!! When the floods come and we don't have water...Andy's going to cook boil-in-the-bag rice :shock: :lmao:
I just knew from the look on your face as soon as I said it that this woul dbe coming back to haunt me ... still at least I can rest easy knowing that the whole concept of this thread wasn't based on my sayings :))
Person at work (Loudly) - "I'm doing under cover work!" (I work in a shop)
Me - "Trish-" (her name is Trish...)
Person at work (Loudly again) - "Shhh, not now, you'll give me up!"
Me - "Well you may want to hide your name badge!"
Person at work - "Oh..."
Monstro
24 Jul 2007, 15:36
When the floods come and we don't have water...Andy's going to cook boil-in-the-bag rice :shock: :lmao:
There's a T Shirt for the next meet up in the making!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monstro
24 Jul 2007, 15:37
I just knew from the look on your face as soon as I said it that this woul dbe coming back to haunt me ... still at least I can rest easy knowing that the whole concept of this thread wasn't based on my sayings :))
There's always the "Meat's length" comment m8, I've been saving that one lol
I have a question...
When the Meat sings...and I would do anything for love...but I won't do that...what does THAT mean??? :shock:
From a guy that used to work with my mother regarding Meat Loaf-
"There are four bat out of hell CD's" and continued insisting that he was right,
and then-
"Meat Loaf is English, right?"
No offence guys!
Ageing Bat
24 Jul 2007, 17:08
I have a question...
When the Meat sings...and I would do anything for love...but I won't do that...what does THAT mean??? :shock:
In this instance, "That" could be substituted with "Screwing Around" (but I suppose it wouldn't rhyme?!!)
allrevvedup
24 Jul 2007, 17:11
Two quotes from Married with children that I watched on DVD today...
1)
Al: Peg, do we really need Christmas icicles? It's May.
Peggy: Well you'll thank me in December.
Al: Only if you leave me in November.
2)
Marcy: Oh, it's too bad some men don't know how to give up their sports gracefully instead of lingering on like big babies.
Al: Yeah, doggone it. If we could only be comfortable with our age like you darn gals.
You know, I mean, in the morning you go into the bathroom, a little blush, a little mascara and voila. You got an old woman scared of rain.
Then you try and clean and jerk your breasts into a bra, ease some exercise pants over that front and back belly, go down to the market and flirt with the bag boy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is it's just pretty pathetic when we guys try to cling to our youth
My housemate April:
"Sex must be easier for lesbians cos they can get aids"
I swear, she meant toys.
duke knooby
29 Jul 2007, 21:41
the songs do not work unless i've built a character, meat loaf
"I am not your monkey!" April again
duke knooby
29 Jul 2007, 22:27
(april sounds amazingly funny)
Lol, she just comes out with the best random stuff. One of the reasons why I love her.
OK then, just to mix it up a little...
"To speak ironically - your mum!" my friend Catherine when she was stuck for what to say.
To my housemate Shaun during an arguement:
"Stop talking to me with that face!"
Hypnobabe
02 Aug 2007, 15:58
Seen on a T-shirt this afternoon:
Good girls are just bad girls who haven't been caught...
Also seen on t-shirts:
Sarcasm is one of the services I gladly provide.
If I gave a sh*t, you will be the first one I would give it to
Today is not your day...tomorrow doesn't look good either...
Hypnobabe
02 Aug 2007, 16:07
As we're onto T-shirts, one of my favourite T-shirt sites (T-shirthell.com - extremely offensive t-shirts also appear on this site - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!) has one for small babies that says "all mummy wanted was a backrub", and another version that says "all daddy wanted was a bl**j**" (but without the stars!!!)
...A small babies that says "all mummy wanted was a backrub"... (but without the stars!!!)
:lmao: Love it! Completelty inappropriate for a baby but I love it! :lol: :up:
allrevvedup
02 Aug 2007, 16:20
saw a great t-shirt today that says:
I'm very proud of myself'
and no i wasn't wearing it at the time.
Life's a bitch and then you die
Mick Loaf
02 Aug 2007, 19:26
Hope that when my Hockey jersey and American Footbal Jersey
come through from .net that they sneak past customs! :(
Mick Loaf
02 Aug 2007, 19:28
Oh and I also hope that my passport arrives tomorrow cause I'm meant to be
flying to Madrid at 5 O'Clock!
Life's a bitch and then you die
My boyfriend says "Life's a bitch and then you marry one"!! Which maybe i should worry about!!
My boyfriend says "Life's a bitch and then you marry one"!! Which maybe i should worry about!!
Hmmm I hope my other half doesn't read that, he has enough preconcieved ideas about me as it is lately :lmao:
Hypnobabe
03 Aug 2007, 17:27
From my personalized Google homepage:
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
- Jackie Mason
"Principle Skinner and Miss Krabapple were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies ....... and the Baby looked at me"
- Ralph Wiggum
samurai7
05 Aug 2007, 03:09
a member of the audience at my gig tonight:
"There's only TWO Meat Loafs!" :D
Blackkat13
05 Aug 2007, 08:24
Life goes by fast
My friends dad said to me, "Stop looking at me with that tone of voice!"
I wasn't sleeping, I was having a nap!
That's my Grandad's signature line!
Rockette
11 Aug 2007, 17:46
Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
Franklin P. Jones
Rockette
12 Aug 2007, 15:06
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is a little voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow".
RadioMaster
15 Aug 2007, 00:49
[SamCat] 00:45: How many online lovers does RJ have?
[sexyeyes_jo] 00:45: i will make sure he does greg
sexyeyes_jo
15 Aug 2007, 01:39
im not asleep im just resting my eyes
Rockette
15 Aug 2007, 10:47
Lives, like money, are spent. What are you buying with yours?
sexyeyes_jo
15 Aug 2007, 11:21
children should be seen and not heard
Rockette
17 Aug 2007, 20:59
It is not a bad thing that children should occasionally, and politely, put parents in their place.
It is not a bad thing that children should occasionally, and politely, put parents in their place.
That works only if you're a child...
Hypnobabe
18 Aug 2007, 15:15
My quote of the day? As heard in my local Waterstones bookshop, uttered by a spotty, greasy haired scooter riding teenager:
"Have you got a copy of Dante's 'Inferno'? I don't know who it's by..."
For anyone with the "so?" look on their face, it's the literary equivalent of going into a music shop and asking "do you have Meat Loaf's 'Bat Out Of Hell'? I don't know who sings it..."
Monstro
18 Aug 2007, 16:07
My quote of the day? As heard in my local Waterstones bookshop, uttered by a spotty, greasy haired scooter riding teenager:
"Have you got a copy of Dante's 'Inferno'? I don't know who it's by..."
For anyone with the "so?" look on their face, it's the literary equivalent of going into a music shop and asking "do you have Meat Loaf's 'Bat Out Of Hell'? I don't know who sings it..."
Love the big biker attitude to scooter riders lol
RadioMaster
18 Aug 2007, 16:37
My quote of the day? As heard in my local Waterstones bookshop, uttered by a spotty, greasy haired scooter riding teenager:
"Have you got a copy of Dante's 'Inferno'? I don't know who it's by..."
For anyone with the "so?" look on their face, it's the literary equivalent of going into a music shop and asking "do you have Meat Loaf's 'Bat Out Of Hell'? I don't know who sings it..."
ouch :doh:
ps: got it before your explanation! :smartass:
Monstro
19 Aug 2007, 16:06
On arriving at Aging Bat's caravan this morning I went through the awning.....
Sarah said
"probably be easier for you take all your clothes off out here"
You hear stories about these campers lol
As usual I miss all the excitement...
Sarah...you're good with pics...any good ones???
Ageing Bat
20 Aug 2007, 07:02
Let me explain........ nah, sod it, keep guessing!
Lord Kagan
21 Aug 2007, 23:41
RJ says:
, you can only do it if you bent over, and push really hard and loud
RadioMaster
21 Aug 2007, 23:45
oooh, youll pay for that one
Rockette
24 Aug 2007, 05:14
About as useful as an ashtray on a motor bike
MeatGrl1
24 Aug 2007, 18:33
While wearing my RAH t-shirt, the one with;
MEAT LOAF
ROYAL ALBERT HALL
MONDAY, OCTOBER 16th, 2006
LONDON, ENGLAND
emblazed on my back, I was having my lip and chin waxed and we got talking about Meat and then she asks me this...
"So have you seen him live atall?"
:lmao: No I won this t-shirt in a raffel ! What do you think !!
LOL
samurai7
25 Aug 2007, 02:20
tonight at my gig, during Out Of The Frying Pan, some bloke shouted up at the stage 'Sing a bloody Meat Loaf song!'.
wonder if he meant cos Steinman did it first.
nah, he's just thick lol :p
Lord Kagan
25 Aug 2007, 02:43
oooh, youll pay for that one
You're the one who said it
MeatGrl1
25 Aug 2007, 04:31
tonight at my gig, during Out Of The Frying Pan, some bloke shouted up at the stage 'Sing a bloody Meat Loaf song!'.
wonder if he meant cos Steinman did it first.
nah, he's just thick lol :p
:shock: What a moron !!
But it is funny :cool:.
Wonder if he was a Meat Loaf fan and if he wasn't why was he watching a tribute act :wtf: !
Monstro
25 Aug 2007, 10:00
Mechanic at workshop..
"it's time to set fire to it then call your insurance company"
RadioMaster
25 Aug 2007, 17:42
on the simpsons yesterday, homer drunK:
you know, the thing about my family is there's five of us: Marge, Bart, girl Bart, the one that wont talk and the fat guy, man I loathe him!
RadioMaster
05 Oct 2007, 00:21
girl in the wwry audience:
are they playing only queen songs or other stuff too?
duke knooby
05 Oct 2007, 00:23
RJ says:
so i wont be going on a date tomorrow....poor (perfect for post 4555)
Not sure if this is the right thread but oh well :D
Got woken up by Jake (who's 5) Telling me what he had learnt while I was away. Mummy do you know blue and yellow make green.
Me: Jakey you're very clever did you learn that at school?
Jake: No, I went to the toilet yesterday and there was blue jollop down the toilet and when I wee'd on it, it turned green :lol:
duke knooby
07 Oct 2007, 19:37
hahahaha, brilliant, pmsl
RadioMaster
07 Oct 2007, 23:46
Jonty says:
nice to be fingered
duke knooby
07 Oct 2007, 23:48
hahahaha thats a misquote you ~~~~ dog
RadioMaster
07 Oct 2007, 23:49
no it isnt
duke knooby
08 Oct 2007, 00:30
finish the quote you ~~~~dog
Not sure if this is the right thread but oh well :D
Got woken up by Jake (who's 5) Telling me what he had learnt while I was away. Mummy do you know blue and yellow make green.
Me: Jakey you're very clever did you learn that at school?
Jake: No, I went to the toilet yesterday and there was blue jollop down the toilet and when I wee'd on it, it turned green :lol:
:lmao: Des ... good to see you're bringing him up to be so artistic :))
LOL Indeed. BTW Jollop is down to Dave not me lol.
I can just hear Dave sayoing "jollop" :lmao:
Quote of the weekend, and perhaps the year has to be my new life motto, which I was so kindly informed of on Saturday evening ...
"You really should drink more beer"
There was a perfectly good reason for me saying that, but I do think I should go down in girlfriend history for even thinking of it! :lol:
Lord Kagan
08 Oct 2007, 21:41
RJ says:
could have painted the house for the 500 bugs i pay them a month
Hypnobabe
09 Oct 2007, 10:21
RJ says:
could have painted the house for the 500 bugs i pay them a month
Hmmm... does he catch them himself, I wonder?
Yesterday sitting on the porch...all of a sudden this gigantic storm comes...
Me: I wonder where THIS came from...
My son: From the clouds...I've learned that in science class!!! (smug expression)
Punchline: My son is 22. :lmao:
Apples and the trees come to mind...
Today...from my friend here:
"You mean your still alive? Everyone thought you'd died years ago and your posts were just haunting us ..."
With friends like these...............................
OK, I was just handed article in Furniture Today about one of my co-workers down in NC participating in civil war reenactment with pictures and all...
It's totally hysterical...and VERY :nuts:
Lord Kagan
10 Oct 2007, 00:32
Hmmm... does he catch them himself, I wonder?
exactly my reply
From tonights Simpsons ... "You can't keep blaming yourself, just blame yourself once and move on" :lmao:
RadioMaster
10 Oct 2007, 21:05
one of my co-students on good teachers:
"A good teacher needs to do more than just teach simple facts, he needs to teach morals. It's not only explaining the kids why seven times seven is twenty-one."
:wtf:
Lord Kagan
17 Oct 2007, 00:40
Carl... says:
touchy subject?
RJ says:
im gonna touchy something else soon
RadioMaster
24 Oct 2007, 15:02
"you know, with your hair like that you look a lot like that singer....erm...Meat Loaf" :D
Monstro
25 Oct 2007, 02:17
Anji - Don't touch the steering wheel, that's the worst thing you could do whilst someone's driving.
Me - How's about this then (as I put my hands over her eyes)
Touting his accomplishments as mayor Tuesday while on the campaign trail in New Hampshire, Giuliani crowed, "I took a city that was known for pornography and licked it to a large extent, so I have my own set of qualifications."
Apparently Disney came out with a cookbook for children that won the best title ever:
http://media.mlxxfc.net/pooh.jpg
MeatGrl1
25 Oct 2007, 03:39
The other day a woman said to me... "Your scent smells nice !" :shock: LOL
And before that an ex work colleague asked;
"When you have a spare minute can you pop my spot for me?"
:barf: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RadioMaster
25 Oct 2007, 09:34
Apparently Disney came out with a cookbook for children that won the best title ever:
pmsl, and the picture even looks a bit like....nevermind
[QUOTE=MeatGrl1;372881]
"When you have a spare minute can you pop my spot for me?"
:barf: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
did you do it?
[QUOTE=mszee;372880]Apparently Disney came out with a cookbook for children that won the best title ever:
pmsl, and the picture even looks a bit like....nevermind
Precisely...funny thing is...it's a real book. When I heard it on the radio I thought it's a joke...it isn't...
MeatGrl1
26 Oct 2007, 00:38
RJ - No I did not that's just disgusting, I wouldn't pop Meat's if he asked me too !!!!!
Popping spots isn't so bad, they may even go...
RadioMaster
26 Oct 2007, 09:59
and might even be fun :lmao:
Lord Kagan
27 Oct 2007, 10:47
not even gonna comment on that
Hypnobabe
31 Oct 2007, 00:24
In the coffee shop at lunchtime:
Rob: I'll have a cappuchino please.
Lady behind the counter: Small or large?
Rob: Medium.
Monstro
31 Oct 2007, 00:47
Grandma - So when did you come off your bike?
Me - About a quarter of a second after I hit the car
duke knooby
01 Nov 2007, 00:31
RJ says:
but im bummed right now
RJ says:
its true
RadioMaster
03 Nov 2007, 01:36
~~~~[Lord Kagan] 01:33: i took a shot of cocaine and shot my woman down...
My quote of the day hasta be....
No... it is still going ahead. I can catergorically state that it has not been cancelled...
The Flying Mouse
03 Nov 2007, 17:58
:twisted: Graham - Can you fill any of the gaps in from last night dude?
Funny thing is, I couldn't :oops:
Friend of mine: "Holy sh*t, that´s red!!! Does that glow in the dark?!"
About my new haircolour...lol
RadioMaster
03 Nov 2007, 18:53
Friend of mine: "Holy sh*t, that´s red!!! Does that glow in the dark?!"
About my new haircolour...lol
does it??
two kids about 13(!) on the bus:
there are 13 boys and 6 girls in my class....were 21 people
does it??
two kids about 13(!) on the bus:
there are 13 boys and 6 girls in my class....were 21 people
Yep, it does!!
PISA we´re so great lol
geordieloaf
03 Nov 2007, 19:13
Is he from Switzerland?
No!
Oh I thought he didn't look very Swedish.
My wife bless her.
duke knooby
05 Nov 2007, 00:54
RJ says:
i do ~~~~ off to her
Lord Kagan
05 Nov 2007, 00:55
:lmao:
RadioMaster
05 Nov 2007, 01:02
that was said with a ? you dick
duke knooby
05 Nov 2007, 01:05
RJ says:
i show you yours
RJ says:
if you show me mine
RadioMaster
05 Nov 2007, 01:08
that was a lyric you dick
RadioMaster
08 Nov 2007, 12:49
jonty swallows
Hypnobabe
08 Nov 2007, 14:01
jonty swallows
:lmao: Repeatedly, according to Carl!!!
I think I hit a language barrier with posts above...:lmao:
Lord Kagan
08 Nov 2007, 15:26
Wasnt me
Wasnt me
I am SO SURE it was...
PM me all the dirt on RJ
Lord Kagan
08 Nov 2007, 15:30
oh beer, lol will do
RadioMaster
08 Nov 2007, 20:27
dirt?? on me???? nah
dirt?? on me???? nah
He did PM by the way...and it was...dirty...
Your turn...
RadioMaster
08 Nov 2007, 22:36
all lies!! lol
seriously though id like to hear the stuff he made up about me
all lies!! lol
seriously though id like to hear the stuff he made up about me
If I was serious...you honestly think I would have posted this here in open??? Duh...
Hypnobabe
09 Nov 2007, 10:14
Jordan (my seven year old) to my friend Lynda this morning:
"I'm wobbly"
Lynda to Charlie (my four year old):
"Hello Charlie, are you wobbly too?"
Charlie to Lynda:
"No, I'm an aeroplane!"
Lord Kagan
10 Nov 2007, 12:33
RJ says:
youll find out as soon as i can get it up
RadioMaster
10 Nov 2007, 13:52
me: "now THAT's what I call a duet!!"
Michael: "yes, two people singing"
:bleh:
duke knooby
12 Nov 2007, 00:56
[RadioMaster] 23:54: i am in deb
RadioMaster
12 Nov 2007, 00:57
bed lol
Hypnobabe
12 Nov 2007, 07:50
[RadioMaster] 23:54: i am in deb
:shock: I think that may come as a shock to her....
Lord Kagan
12 Nov 2007, 13:10
Its a shock to all of us that RJ can get it up
Monstro
12 Nov 2007, 13:18
I've just arranged to pickmy bike up this afternoon....
Me - It's crippled me not having transport
Emma - It bloody crippled you having it!!!!!
RadioMaster
12 Nov 2007, 15:54
Its a shock to all of us that RJ can get it up
and this, ladies, is the person you all agreed, to be veeeery mature :wtf:
Lord Kagan
12 Nov 2007, 16:18
I am, When I want to be
RadioMaster
12 Nov 2007, 16:50
i am always
:raspberry: na na na na na....na na na na na :))
Lord Kagan
12 Nov 2007, 16:51
Thats why youre a bore :p
RadioMaster
12 Nov 2007, 16:59
*punch*
Hypnobabe
12 Nov 2007, 21:45
and this, ladies, is the person you all agreed, to be veeeery mature :wtf:
I don't remember agreeing anything... mind you, with these painkillers, I don't remember anything much...
RadioMaster
12 Nov 2007, 21:49
care to share them??
Hypnobabe
12 Nov 2007, 21:51
Errrrmmmm.....
No.
Lord Kagan
12 Nov 2007, 21:53
RJ stop being a woman its an insult
Monstro
12 Nov 2007, 22:03
Is this now another Rj and Carl thread?????
Lord Kagan
12 Nov 2007, 22:07
Didnt you know? Theyre all mine :mrgreen:
RadioMaster
12 Nov 2007, 22:21
Is this now another Rj and Carl thread?????
ah well...at least he said rj and carl thread.......not carl and rj thread :))
Lord Kagan
14 Nov 2007, 20:35
RJ says:
just felt like poking you
Lord Kagan
15 Nov 2007, 22:38
RJ says:
im not an angel but at least im a girl
RadioMaster
15 Nov 2007, 22:40
dont you get bored putting every second lyric i post in here??
Lord Kagan
15 Nov 2007, 22:40
no you do it to yourself :p
Lord Kagan
25 Nov 2007, 21:45
RJ says:
man id like to place my hand upon your ~~~~in sexy ass ans sqeeze
......... :shock:
RadioMaster
25 Nov 2007, 21:49
that was a lyric you ~~~~~~~
duke knooby
27 Nov 2007, 00:57
RJ says:
whats an orgasm?
Lord Kagan
27 Nov 2007, 00:59
tut tut
From TV commercial for early detection pregnancy test:
This is the most advanced piece of techonology you will ever pee on...
HUH???? :shock:
We've got that advert here too!! Its really funny for a pregnancy test advert!!
We've got that advert here too!! Its really funny for a pregnancy test advert!!
Don't know about funny but it was damn weird to hear that...
This is not exactly a quote but an action of the day.....
On returning to school today, I was informed of the antics of one of my form members who is currently having trouble controlling her temper.
She had her phone confiscated by her English teacher yesterday and rather than arguing she calmly walked out of the room. She returned a few moments later, picked up a bunch of keys from the teachers desk, walked out again and locked the teacher and the rest of the English class in the room and walked off with the keys.
As it was my line mamager who told me, I had to wait until later until I could laugh!
At least the anger management classes are beginning to work!:lol:
duke knooby
08 Dec 2007, 13:45
its a cheap and effective way of almost killing yourself
The Flying Mouse
08 Dec 2007, 20:28
:twisted: Jo's mum - "Do you want a Kit Kat Neil?" (Kit Kat = biscuits, for non Brits)
Me - "Yes Please".
Jo's mum - "Here, keep hold of the packet".
Jo's dad - "That's like asking McDonalds to take care of your cow".
Sarky git :bicker:
:lmao:
The Flying Mouse
08 Dec 2007, 20:31
:twisted: Fav comeback recently was in a discussion on wedding vows.
Me - "So what do you think of the word "obey" being dropped out of the wedding vows?"
Jo - "I'm not bothered, you'll obey me anyway".
:lmao:
The Flying Mouse
08 Dec 2007, 20:34
:twisted: One where I win for a change :mrgreen:
Me - "You fat b^$tard, and it's not often I get to say that to someone else".
Jo's Dad - "I'm at my fighting weight".
Me - What the f*ck have you been fighting?Blue whales?" :wtf:
:p
The Flying Mouse
25 Dec 2007, 03:01
:twisted: After hearing the story of Jo's conception, I came out with this little ditty.....
Roses are red
violets are blue
half a lager too many
and out popped you.
This poem failed to impress Joanne :oops: :lmao:
The Flying Mouse
25 Dec 2007, 03:06
:twisted: Can't believe Jo's dad came out with this one in the taxi on the way back from the pub tonight............
Steve - I was hoping for a Muslim driver tonight, are you a muslim?
Driver - Yes.
Steve - Oh that's good, you won't want double fair then.
You can't take him anywhere :oops:
duke knooby
27 Dec 2007, 22:59
Poiteen
The reason this is banned is because there is no way of measuring the alcohol content and so drinking it is like playing a game of Russian roulette! Still a major favourite among the old and hardy Irish drinkers though, it is a cheap and effective way of almost killing yourself!
Lord Kagan
29 Dec 2007, 02:30
you can measure alcohol content easily, tut tut
RadioMaster
29 Dec 2007, 11:53
random insult to carl
Lord Kagan
29 Dec 2007, 12:20
rude
Lord Kagan
04 Jan 2008, 23:36
RJ says:
well, weve learnt a lot today
RJ says:
most of all that girls dont have balls
angelica
04 Jan 2008, 23:41
RJ says:
well, weve learnt a lot today
RJ says:
most of all that girls dont have balls
Pardon??!!
Its not really a quote but theres a cafe at Twickenham station and when its closed the sign says "Shut Happens" it makes me smile!!
RadioMaster
04 Jan 2008, 23:54
RJ says:
well, weve learnt a lot today
RJ says:
most of all that girls dont have balls
that was a quote you ~~~~~~~
duke knooby
10 Jan 2008, 01:12
Jonty says:
your a wab
RJ says:
its true
duke knooby
17 Jan 2008, 01:41
[MeatGrl1] 00:38: I am not sleepy though buit could play with my brand new toy for a few hours
duke knooby
17 Jan 2008, 01:43
[MeatGrl1] 00:42: I didn't mean how it came out !
duke knooby
17 Jan 2008, 01:45
[MeatGrl1] 00:42: I didn't mean how it came out !
RJ suffers from that aswell
RadioMaster
17 Jan 2008, 08:41
tut tut
Lord Kagan
17 Jan 2008, 13:28
excellent
[MeatGrl1] 00:38: I am not sleepy though buit could play with my brand new toy for a few hours
And now whoever has Jonty on MSN promptly delete him...now we all know what he does with our convos!!! :lmao:
duke knooby
25 Jan 2008, 00:00
when a day starts to slip, theres nothing anyone can do to stop it. (roobarb)
RadioMaster
25 Jan 2008, 20:11
"It´s not good see youself but not recognize your face"
whatever that's supposed to mean :roll:
Hypnobabe
26 Jan 2008, 15:09
My friend Rob last night, SUPPOSEDLY telling me about judo:
"I was lying on the floor, and he was lying on top of me, so I decided to put my hand between his legs!"
His other favourite quote is:
"But I'm not gay!!!"
"Stop bleeding, you fake!!" :doh:
From the comedienne I've heard on TV:
My husband is younger...he is younger by 2 years of how old he thinks I am...
Used to be you married older men hoping that they have matured...now that we know they never mature - marry younger!!!
SteinLoaf
28 Jan 2008, 22:11
My mate just told me he remembers the local Tesco when it wasn't there .... doh ;-)
Hypnobabe
29 Jan 2008, 22:18
As quoted on another forum I belong to:
....it didn't matter much but it did piss on my chips. Although I did have salad.
Commentator on the Portsmouth v Chelsea match
"Ashley Cole getting a lot of stick here but you expect that when you play away from home"!!
angelica
03 Feb 2008, 00:14
Commentator on the Portsmouth v Chelsea match
"Ashley Cole getting a lot of stick here but you expect that when you play away from home"!!
LOL Oh dear!
The commentator must be a Girls Aloud fan!!!
Monstro
03 Feb 2008, 10:23
Commentator on the Portsmouth v Chelsea match
"Ashley Cole getting a lot of stick here but you expect that when you play away from home"!!
The commentator must be a Girls Aloud fan!!!
That's funny!!!
Lord Kagan
06 Feb 2008, 00:38
Betty says:
gotta go to bed
NUNS! NUNS! REVERSE! REVERSE!! says:
with my hair? youre sick
Betty says:
shhhh.
RadioMaster
07 Feb 2008, 10:45
Empty packets of ham should never be left next to big sharp knives when hungry cats have strong magnets hanging on their collars!
Battybarb
22 Feb 2008, 19:07
lady phones pub in answer to advert for cleaning job,
Manager;can i help you ?
Lady;im phoning about the job for the cleaner
Manager;its 7 days a week
Lady;does that include weekends?
:?
Father: Has that rabbit been in its cage all morning?
Son: They´re just raisins. I think.
A friend of mine on the phone approx 10mins ago: "Wow, it´s very dark outside tonight!" :roll:
yeeees, what exactly were you expecting it to be at quarter past midnight?
RadioMaster
25 Feb 2008, 09:38
looks like it's gonna be a dark one tonight lol
Life's a bitch and then you die
Stop the world I want to get off
With some of the friends I have, who needs enemies
djfierce
26 Feb 2008, 20:11
Life's a bitch and then you die
Stop the world I want to get off
With some of the friends I have, who needs enemies
:(:(:(:(
{{{{Deb}}}}
Battybarb
27 Feb 2008, 01:27
Life's a bitch and then you die
Stop the world I want to get off
With some of the friends I have, who needs enemies
know that feeling well,keep your chin up Deb :D
Battybarb
27 Feb 2008, 01:33
Little girls grow up into women
Little boys grow into big boys
:yep: 8-) :-)
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