OK, bearing my soul and revealing my murky past here......
When I was 25, I had two children aged 2 and 5, had been married for 7 years. We'd had good times, and not so good times. We didn't have blazing rows, but we didn't really talk, or share things together. My marriage was stagnant. One evening the doorbell rang, and there on the step stood a man in his late 40's, slim, thinning on top but from somewhere a thunderbolt shot my heart. I couldn't breathe, let alone speak...... it was Paul. He'd come to see my husband to arrange a trip out in our fishing boat. In time, he and my husband became friends, and would often pop round for a chat. For a long time, I was prepared to accept that all we would ever be was friends, but my tummy had butterflies every time I saw Paul. He was always the perfect gentleman. I couldn't help how I felt about him, to the point that one afternoon we got talking and I took a chance - I told him how I felt about him, and was delighted to hear that he felt the same.
And so started our 9 month affair. We were incredibly discrete - even my best friend didn't suspect anything. Paul never pushed me to make a decision...... I agonised over what to do for hour after hour, day after day. I had two very young children to consider, did I tear them away from the comfort of their home, their father, just to satisfy my needs, or spend the rest of my life with a man who I now realised I really didn't love, just for security? The decision was forced upon me when someone sent my husband an anonomous letter one easter weekend..... the whole situation came to a head ........ and so I left him. Driving away from my home with the children sobbing in the back of the car, with just a few bags of clothes was the hardest thing I have ever done. It wasn't just me leaping into the unknown - I had my two children I was pulling with me.
It hasn't been easy....... we've sometimes had more than our fair share of acrimony to deal with. But we've got through every bit of crap that's been flung our way because we did it together. If what I feel for Paul is love, and I know it is, then I now realise that I never loved my first husband. He supports me in everything I do, and has helped me achieve so much. With him, I feel alive and whole. OK, so there's 20 years between us, but it's only a number - we don't have a problem with it...... this summer we'll be celebrating 10 years of marriage.
Chris and Dottie - you are both facing many difficult life decisions. Only you two can make those decisions..... together. Chris - be patient....... you have to let Dottie deal with this in her own way, in her own time.
We only have one life, full of chances, littered with unknowns. I'm glad I took that chance and lept into the unknown.
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