This guy walks into a pub with is mates and is really depressed. "My girlfriends having an affair and I don't know what to do. I just feel like killing them or something!"
"'ere" says his mate "I know a fella who does that sort of thing, calls himself Artie. I'll get him to contact you."
So Artie gets in touch with the guy and agrees to kill the girl and her boss at the supermarket who she is screwing. But he needs paying 5 grand for each one. Well, the fella goes through his pockets and has only got a quid so Artie says he will take that as a deposit.
The following day he sneaks up on them at the supermarket and strangles them to death but before he can escape he is arrested by the police.
The headlines in the following days papers read:
"Artie Chokes 2 for a pound at Sainsbury's"
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