Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tillie were sitting on a bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far
A blonde bird pushes her Punto into a gas station. She tells the mechanic "It died". After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idlingly smoothly. She says "What's the story?" He replies "Just crap in the carburettor" She says "How often do I have to do that?"
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in thier bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year old "I think it's about time we started swearing". The 4 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you swear after me ok?" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiam. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Oh s..t mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops" WHACK!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out. She looks at the 4 year old and ask with a stern voice "And what do you want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know" he blubbers, "but you can bet your F.....g life it won't be Coco Pops".
and finally....
You gotta love a good beer slogan......
The latest Becks Beer advert in Scotland (displayed in pubs etc) is as follows:-
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE POSH TO SWALLOW BECKS