It was a violent storm, but Rene Descartes and his colleague Raoul had agreed to attend a philosopher's convention in Paris. En route, their carriage became hopelessly mired in the mud. Refusing to accept defeat, Descartes leapt from the carriage, pushed the driver aside, and began pulling on the horse. The animal bolted and knocked the philosopher back into the mud.
Raoul climbed out and they helped the dazed Frenchman to his feet. "In the future, " the driver said to Raoul, "you would be wise not to put Descartes before the horse."
Don't like that one--you won't like the next one any better!!!! 
The ten unusually small pigs walked into the bar and ordered beer after beer. As the night progressed, all but one of them made at least a dozen trips to the bathroom.
After the bartender brought him his twentieth brew, he asked the one pig, "Say, how come you've been drinking all night, yet you haven't gone to the john once?"
The pig looked up. "Because I'm the one that goes wee-wee-wee-wee-wee- all the way home."
Love,
MB
xxx