Hello everyone! Haven't seen me in a while have ya?
Well anyway I covered the topic of this thread being insulting a while back. . . Though I admit I could've been a bit more tactful.
As for my avatar I'm not sure. I'm still looking into it.
Communication Between the Sexes
***Women's English***
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something you're really not going to like.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? (Too late, you're dead)
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole
*** Men's English ***
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? - I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
What's wrong? = I don't see why you're making such a big deal over this
What's wrong?= I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
Let's talk = I'm trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
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The Differences
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.
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TOP 10 FEMALE REJECTION LINES
10. I think of you as a brother.
You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance."
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
I don't want to do my dad.
8. I'm not attracted to you in "that" way.
You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.
7. My life is too complicated right now.
I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.
6. I've got a boyfriend
I prefer my male cat and a half-gallon of Ben and Jerry's.
5. I don't date men where I work.
I wouldn't date you if you were in the same "solar system", much less the same building.
4. It's not you, it's me.
It's you.
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.
2. I'm celibate.
I've sworn off only the men like you.
1. Let's be friends.
I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.
TOP 10 MALE REJECTION LINES
10. I think of you as a sister.
You're ugly.
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
You're ugly.
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
You're ugly.
7. My life is too complicated right now.
You're ugly.
6. I've got a girlfriend.
You're ugly.
5. I don't date women where I work.
You're ugly.
4. It's not you, it's me.
You're ugly.
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
You're ugly.
2. I'm celibate.
You're ugly.
1. Let's be friends.
You're sinfully ugly.
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Guys... You Can't Win
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive ~~~~~~~.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing. If she thumps you, it's self-defence.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favour.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape you're sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.
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