Best Divorce Letter Ever...
DEAR WIFE
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new
haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair
of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep
after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband
and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever
the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Spain
together! Have a great life!
__________________________________________
Dear Ex-Husband -
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man
is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining
and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing
that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother
raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I
didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years
ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99
price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my sister had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million pounds, I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So
take care. Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was
born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
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