These are from test papers and essays submitted to science and
health teachers by junior high, high school, and college
students around the world.
"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you
expire."
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a
test tube"
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a
free state"
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is
pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and
caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and
then expectoration."
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even
deader."
"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead of the bull."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and
makes them perspire."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas."
"The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and
the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the
borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity
contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and
u."
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken
out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the
skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water
tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon,
and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
fight."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more
extinct it is."
"Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill
effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."
"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through
Africa."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative."
"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until
the heart stops."
"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down
to make artificial perspiration.""For fainting: Rub the person's
chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put
the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not
recovered, then kill it."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the
patient is dead."
"To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
Heather.