Some snippets for you:-
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car
If your're too open minded, your brains will fall out
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupity
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques
A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good
Eat well, stay fit, die any way
Men are from earth, Women are from earth, Deal with it
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on
Experience is a wonderful thing, it enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world
It ain't the jeans that make your bum look fat
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear very bright until they speak
Inside every single old person is a young person wondering what happened?? - So True
