[AndrewG]

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

*spolilers*

Awful. Should have spent the evening in the lobby or in a nearby restaurant instead.

The story felt like it was one of the bad ones from the Star Trek movies, like Insurrection or so.

Awful nasally lead male character who calls himself handsome and is supposed to be the Chris Pratt here but it totally fails. Cara Delavigne or whatever her name is was a bit better bit still unlikeable for most of the "film". Rihanna wasn't too bad but her main scene would have made for a more interesting music video for her than a worthwhile scene in a blockbuster where her character ultimately is totally irrelevant or totally forgotten by the end.

Riri is conveniently written out of the story in case there are other cheap ass sequels I guess and they can't afford her OR because I guess the real revealed character of her is so weird it is not "convenient" to have her around for long. Her purple form looks like Grimace from the McDonald's characters. Also her quick random death was such a bad way to write her out. Yuk.

The two human generals look exactly like each other so it is difficult to tell them apart. You also totally don't care about them or what they want and why.

You feel the movie constantly throws distractions your way after a somewhat interesting beginning. Frustrating story telling. It isn't until the last 20-30 minutes we actually understand what the fate of the pearl species is/was and the story finally wraps up. But its conclusion comes too late and is just not satisfying or interesting.

Just throwing visuals together inspired by Star Trek / Star Wars / Avatar / Fifth Element / Total Recall does not make a good movie automatically and this is exactly proof. Even worse than the Star Wars prequels in many places.

Weak ass story, totally no motivation of the characters, nor do you feel they are really ever in danger or that the events will really affect them, totally no point. They are also very inconsistent in places. Main character has no problem smacking the hell out of a general to only 2 minutes later say to the main girl "I can't possibly do that, I am a soldier and need to follow orders". What the eff?! You totally don't feel involved because of all this. Not a single chuckle from the audience during 2hrs and 15 minutes where the movie constantly tries to throw distracting gags. It is like a cheap Guardians of the Galaxy rip off (mention of a music playlist - totally falls flat) made by that US Asylum crap rip off movie company.

Waste of time.

On par with the worst movies I have seen in the cinema over the last 10 years: Godzilla / The Lego Movie / Ghost Rider 2 / Transformers 2 / John Carter (the latter probably best example of what this movie is exactly like).

4/10

Stupid projection problems at the beginning of the screening I was at didn't help. £18 a month isn't worth this crap from Cineworld. Guess I can't blame the staff too much. You pay them crap, you get crap. Weird the problems are always isolated to the same screen of the cinema I frequent most. Will avoid screen 3 there forever. Have never understood why movie theatres cannot make a more interesting experience for everyone whilst so much is at their disposal. Why no movie soundtracks before the trailers/ads over the audio system? Why in the hell would you aim spotlights onto the screen that are left on during the preshow so the front 10-15 rows cannot see crap. If I were an ad sponsor I would demand my money back and pull the ads from the cinema chain. Odeon and Cineworld both suck. Shame we hardly have independent theatres left in the UK that could give them a run for their money. Was going to go and see Terminator 2 in 3D on the 20 anniversary of Judgement Day later this month but instead I will put the Blu Ray on and watch it in my own movie room, turn the volume up, sit back and enjoy.