Em wrote:
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but getting back to verbal abuse........this generally only continues if people respond to it. Is it best just to ignore such posts? I work with teenagers who can be very abusive at times. They generally give up when they realise I'm not going to respond to them by getting angry or upset.
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That's a very good point Em .. , and in the situation you describe it's clearly an effective response .. and I'm sure you sense there's a "but" marching towards this conversation :) I can't say it upsets me that much .. I'd need to respect those who dish it out for it to do that. Do I get angry? .. perhaps a little, yes. I've tried to deal with the words with humour and dignity, but a well worn pattern was becoming established .. one person would rush in and hurl an epithet or two .. this would then be jumped on by the others .. someone would comment, if not me, and things would escalate and hey presto .. the thread would be locked or moved to Fight Club. And as others have pointed out, it creates an atmosphere where others are discouraged, lest they become the next target; where for someone to agree with me means they may be dismissed as my "cronies" or "sycophant friends"; and as we have heard, where some who were bullied at school have a flood of horrible memories come back to haunt them. As Sin said, we're not dealing with teenagers here .. we're talking about the behaviour of adults. How much does one take before saying "Enough"? It's a moot point, though one which I think was reached when Diane stepped in last week. It's the tip of an unpleasant iceberg. I can do little about what goes on unseen, but I can, with others, address what is on public show.
Please don't get me wrong .. it hasn't spoiled my world :) For most of my career when asked what motivates me I've said "To make a difference" .. I've always believed that's possible, and in many organisations I know I have :) Just there is a point where I prefer to confront an issue rather than avoid or tolerate it, and I certainly wouldn't leave a forum because of it, not as long as there are many people there I like and respect :) The phrase "silent majority" has been used in this thread. I find it hard to believe that the majority of people here would think name calling was acceptable, nor targeting one or two people for its repeated use.