Jokes

[KebLou]

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, party goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

A date drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs.

"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically,a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men arerendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of theirlife's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

Please! Send this warning to every male you know.

However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
__________________

[KebLou]

This is a blatant copy and paste...


The Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

[KebLou]

Last one for now:

MARRIAGE

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or you can get married and wish you were dead.

-----------------------------------------------

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong
finger?"
The other woman replied, "Yes I am; I married the
wrong man."

-------------------------------------------------

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
The next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

--------------------------------------------------

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better
revenge than to let her keep him.

--------------------------------------------------

Eighty percent of married men cheat in the USA.
The rest cheat in Canada.

----------------------------------------------------

A woman is incomplete until she is married.
Then she is finished.

-----------------------------------------------------

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."

-----------------------------------------------------






Young son: "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, Son."

----------------------------------------------------

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what
real happiness was 'til I got married; and by then it
was too late."

------------------------------------------------------

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.

------------------------------------------------------

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

------------------------------------------------------

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at all.

------------------------------------------------------

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you
start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights,
and so does she.

------------------------------------------------------

Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"

------------------------------------------------------

First Guy: "My wife's an angel."
Second Guy: "You're lucky; mine's still alive."

------------------------------------------------------

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are attractive to the opposite sex

[mszee]

The Hormone Hostage
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open
his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!
DANGEROUS: SAFER: SAFEST: ULTRA SAFE:
What's for dinner? Can I help you with dinner? Where would you like to go for dinner? Here, have some wine.
Are you wearing that? Wow, you sure look good in brown! WOW! Look at you! Here, have some wine
What are you so worked up about? Could we be overreacting? Here's my paycheck. Here, have some wine.
Should you be eating that? You know, there are a lot of apples left. Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that? Here, have some wine.
What did you DO all day? I hope you didn't over-do it today. I've always loved you in that robe! Here, have some more wine.

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1 Pass My Shotgun
2 Psychotic Mood Shift
3 Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid-Section
5 People Make me Sick
6 Provide Me with Sweets
7 Pardon My Sobbing
8 Pimples May Surface
9 Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

[KebLou]

LAWYERS




A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too closely and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically that his Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"

[gotham_child]

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying:

"All of you b%&*"$@s who want off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! And all of you b@~$£%&s,who are getting on, get your ass in the train, because were going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son:

"We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say,

"All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for traveling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the B!TCH in the kitchen."

[mszee]

I. SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:

Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"
" Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"

"Yeah, you know -
I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"


II. LOUD SEX:

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big
problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband
climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I
don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"


III. QUIET SEX:

Tired of a lifeless sex life, the man came right out and
asked his wife during a recent lovemaking, "How come
you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She looked at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

IV. CONFOUNDED SEX:

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was
mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that
modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that
his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered
cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for
"small," $6,500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large." The
man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor
urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision .
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking
dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen" .


V. WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their
40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die,
I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'

VI. NO SEX:

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said,
"This will make you happy tonight." He was right.
When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the
doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

VII. OLD SEX:

One night an 87 yr . old woman came home from Bingo to
find her 92 yr. old husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of
their 20th floor assisted living apartment...killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on a charge of murder , the judge
asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.
She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if
he could have sex..... he could fly.


Thanks, Mike...you always keep me laughing...

[The Flying Mouse]

The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook.
Night falls.

First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.

"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.

Next up - the Para 's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.

"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the
trainer.

Lastly, in go the Coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".

So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.

"Are you taking the p*ss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer.

The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:

"Alright, alright, I'm a f*ckin' rabbit!"

[Hypnobabe]

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascal behaviour that was going on.

So he called one of his angels and sent the angel to earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion. So God called another angel and sent him to earth for a time,too. When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So he decided to email the 5% who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the email said???










Okay, just wondering ... I didn't get one either ...

[Hypnobabe]

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a
particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a
couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her wallet, extracted
ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine
with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman
asked.
"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need
to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman
asked.
"Are you NUTS!?"replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done
in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, " I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,
I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight."
The homeless woman was astounded.
"Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm
dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a
woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and
wine."

[Chris]

It was the ahppiest day of Paul's life.

He walked through the church and approached the alter.

Heather was waiting for him with a smile on her face.

He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.

And then shut the coffin lid

[mszee]

OUCH...

[R.]

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing"

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment.

"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots
are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence.

"Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered."

[mjbo]

A rookie Police Officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with a more experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people in town who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and immediately observed a small crowd standing on one corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner." No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner now!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" Pretty good, "replied the veteran, "considering this is a bus stop."

[mjbo]

How To Wash The Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water.

3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything he can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

[mszee]

Great joke!

[mszee]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous at the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior
and the spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and
eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me".

12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry".

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks
for the grub, Yeah God.

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[mszee]

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

Woody Allen



"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Rodney Dangerfield



"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner



"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

Camille Paglia



"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant."

George Burns



"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."

Sharon Stone



"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."

Tiger Woods



"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

Jack Nicholson



" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think
Barbara had a sense of humour)



"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

Robin Williams



"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

Billy Crystal



"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."

Robert De Niro



"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman



"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked !"

Jerry Seinfeld



"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams



"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."

Joan Rivers



"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."

Steve Martin



" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Elmo Phillips



"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Oscar Wilde



" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns

[mszee]

In a small cathedral, a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the priest.

The priest asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on and on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done, just give her 10 Hail Marys. I'll be right back."

Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected, Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession.

"Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable," she said. "I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."

Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation—surely 10 Hail Marys would not do. So in a moment of desperation, the janitor peeked his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the priest give for oral sex?"

The altar boy replied, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."

[mszee]

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city’s stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, “How about that! Here’s a picture of my daddy.”

He bought the “picture,” but on the way home remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn’t much like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

The man’s many trips to the barn began to draw Lizzy’s suspicion. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, “So that’s the ugly bitch he’s runnin’ around with.”

[mszee]

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.”

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin’ went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

[Rockette]

Q. What do Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.

Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?
A. Because he was born in England.

Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.

Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.

[The Flying Mouse]

School daze

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

[mszee]

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for
them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy,
beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his private part and they were
told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would
not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests
until she got to the final priest, Carlos.

Poor Carlos.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it
flew off, clattering across the ground and coming to rest in some nearby plant.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest
and**bent over to pick it up.

All at once, eleven bells began to ring.

[needmoremeat]

Originally Posted by mszee

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for
them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy,
beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his private part and they were
told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would
not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests
until she got to the final priest, Carlos.

Poor Carlos.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it
flew off, clattering across the ground and coming to rest in some nearby plant.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest
and**bent over to pick it up.

All at once, eleven bells began to ring.

I'm pretty sure my brother didn't have to do that!