24 Dec 2003, 01:09
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#1 |
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Relentless
 Join Date: 21.11.2003
Location:
 Over the top..... seeing what's on the other side
Posts: 18,694
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Bat Out Of Christmas
ok ok ok ok, so I've either got too much time on my hands or too much wine inside my body, or, perhaps both
 Anyway, a little Christmas offering for you all...... with sincere apologies to Meat and Jim  The sleighbells are ringing and the choirs are wassailing Way down in the valley tonight There's a man in the shadows with a gleaming red coat And a beard shining oh so white There's snow flakes in the air and there's tinsel in the tree And there's frost lying on the icy streets Oh and from the kicthen window where the turkey is roasting Oh I swear I saw a reindeer Up on the rooftop His nose glowing red in the sleet Oh Baby, that's only present in this whole world that's pure and good and right And wherever you are and whatever you're given This one's always gonna be so right But I gotta get out I gotta wrap it up now Before the final crack of dawn So we gotta make the most of our last sheet of paper When it's over you know We'll both be so alone That Santa Claus out of hell He''ll be gone when the morning comes When the night is over Like Santa Claus out of hell he'll be gone gone gone Like a Santa Claus out of hell he'll be gone when the morning comes But when the day is done And the gifts are delivered And moonlight's shining through Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I'll have something to give to you I'm gonna hit the presents like a battering ram Throwing wrapping paper everyway When the oven is hot and the family are hungry And we're all about to start the soup No toys ever work by Boxing Day All the batteries are flat And nothing really works And nothings really needed And all the batteries are flat And I know that I'm damned if I never buy a gift And maybe I'm damned if I do But with every other beat I got left in my heart You know I'd rather buy a gift for you If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned Pulling crackers through the night with you If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned Pulling crackers through the night Crackers through the night Pulling crackers through the night with you Oh Baby, that's only present in this whole world that's pure and good and right And wherever you are and whatever you give me This one's always gonna be so right But I gotta get out I gotta unwrap it now Before the final crack of dawn We really made the most of our last sheet of paper When it's over you know We'll both be so alone Like Santa Claus out of hell He'll be gone when the morning comes When the night is over Like Santa Claus out of hell he'll be gone gone gone Like Santa Claus out of hell he'll be gone when the morning comes But Brandy is drunk And the grans asleep And moonlight's shining through Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I'll come crawling on back to you I'll come crawling on back to you I can see myself tearing up the paper Faster than any other boy has ever gone And my skin is raw from the sellotape No one's gonna stop me now I gotta open ev'ry gift But I can't stop thinking of you And I never see the sudden gift until it's way too late I never see the sudden gift till it's way too late Then I'm dying at the bottom of a tree in a mess of gifts Torn and twisted with at the foot of a gleaming tree And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell And the last thing I hear is "dinner" Time for turkey Breaking out of kitchen And ready to eat Like a turkey out of hell Then I'm dying at the bottom of a tree in a mess of gifts Torn and twisted at the foot of a gleaming tree And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell And the last thing I hear is "dinner" Time for turkey Time for turkey Breaking out of kicthen and ready to eat From Santa Claus out of hell From Santa Claus out of hell From Santa Claus out of hell From Santa Claus out of hell From Santa Claus out of hell From Santa Claus out of hell Merry Christmas all!! AndyK ... wondering if this would be a good point to get his coat? |
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24 Dec 2003, 01:28
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#2 |
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Super Loafer
 Join Date: 26.05.2003
Location:
 in scotland hiding in my attic
Posts: 238
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thank you, my daughter who is back here on holiday ,and i really enjoyed your song we sat and sang it
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24 Dec 2003, 01:44
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#3 |
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Super Loafer
Join Date: 23.05.2003
Location:
 Nottingham
Posts: 663
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Andy that was brilliant, you should Pm that to Meat, he would love it. Perhaps he could record that for next xmas and see if it gets to No 1, after all the crap that is in the top 5 this week its got a good chance.
Well done mate you made me laugh Christa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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24 Dec 2003, 02:14
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#4 |
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Super Loafer
Join Date: 02.10.2003
Location: Columbus, Ohio USA
Posts: 610
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So that's what too much Christmas wine does for you, Andy!
 (I loved it) I always put the final ornaments on my tree on Christmas Eve, so tomorrow I'll think of your poem while I do that :) Merry Christmas! -Kathy |
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24 Dec 2003, 02:22
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#5 | |
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Mega Loafer
Join Date: 07.02.2003
Location:
Posts: 8,101
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Quote:
 Excellent job Andy ... thanks  Vicki |
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24 Dec 2003, 03:34
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#6 |
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Mega Loafer
Join Date: 10.07.2003
Location:
 Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 2,580
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I love it Andy
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24 Dec 2003, 05:53
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#7 |
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Got metal?
Join Date: 06.11.2003
Location:
 Switzerland
Posts: 2,109
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 niiiiiiiice!
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24 Dec 2003, 10:12
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#8 |
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Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half.
Join Date: 06.08.2002
Location:
 In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line.
Posts: 16,104
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 Good stuff Andy Standing ovation. |
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24 Dec 2003, 10:16
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#9 |
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Bald Mega Loafer
Join Date: 06.03.2003
Location: Holland, but I prefer Greece
Posts: 2,243
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He, he, he.lol. Like a turkey out of hell.
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24 Dec 2003, 12:42
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#10 |
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Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half.
Join Date: 06.08.2002
Location:
In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line.
Posts: 16,104
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An ode to last minute xmas shopping, and the mistakes made during...... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII want my money back. (sing it like you mean it) IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII want my money back. (They're gonna crock your world) It's all or nothing. and nothings all i ever get. every time I see a gift, a grannie appears and grabs it first. you look for something. you look for something that is good. it's the only guarentee. that the best stuff has sold out. it's a never ending attack. you'll get it wrong and that's a fact. this gifts a lemon and I want my money back. And all the morons. and all the loonies with their prams. there's a guy behind me with a trolly and he's just pushed it in my back there's desperation. kids knocking ice cream everywhere it leaves a stain on all your clothes and no detergent gets it out. and we're searching through clothes racks buy my dad slippers or get him slacks? this gifts a lemon and I want my money back What about an orniment? it's defective. they always end up broke in half what about a raters braclet? it's defective. It was never made to really last what about a toy car? it's defective all the batteries are shot what about a train set? it's defective it was the first thing out of stock what about flowers? there defective thery're all wilted and decayed what about a jacket? it's defective. what's left is tattered and very fraid what about a toaster? it's defective. they forgot the waurentee what about a sock pack it's defective that's what he buys me what about a shirt? it's defective. then i'd have to hunt for ties an electric blanket? IF it's defective you sleep and then you fry that last box of chocolates? it's defective. someone else way way to fast. the Darkness's new album it's defective my bro's a fan of Super TRRRRRRAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPP IIIIIIIIIIII want my money back. IIIIIIIIIIII want my money back. it's all or nothing and nothings what i'm taking home the shops are closing we've been thrown out now i'm having a heart attack i've bought a pile of useless crap this gifts a lemon and I want my money back. and now we're slipping on paving slabs you know you'll never gat a cab these gifts are lemons and I want my money BACK. Good luck to anyone with last minute shopping to do. Just one word of advice. DON'T GET IN MY WAY
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24 Dec 2003, 13:48
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#11 |
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Relentless
Join Date: 21.11.2003
Location:
Over the top..... seeing what's on the other side
Posts: 18,694
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LOL.... what have I started???
Nice one! Just glad I did ALL my shopping online this year after reading that
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24 Dec 2003, 14:35
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#12 |
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Super Loafer
Join Date: 18.11.2003
Location: Carrickfergus, Northern Ireland
Posts: 352
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Omg, those are so good! Ive saved them, I bet you could make some money from writing stuff like that, or is it only when youre drunk?
Chrissy x |
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24 Dec 2003, 14:36
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#13 |
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Senior Loafer
 Join Date: 07.02.2003
Posts: 188
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Great parodies Andy and Neil, gotta love the fun stuff!
And to everyone: Happy Holidays! Jules
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24 Dec 2003, 14:42
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#14 |
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queen post- whore extraordinaire
Join Date: 29.01.2003
Location:
Still Rockin' at "72"
Posts: 13,181
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Great stuff - Neil and Andy - just what we needed - gonna definitely sing these versions at my house party Saturday
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24 Dec 2003, 14:53
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#15 |
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If I could bust into hell....... I would
Join Date: 13.06.2003
Location:
Montclair, New Jersey
Posts: 1,312
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These are great, great start to christmas. Meat would be proud.
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24 Dec 2003, 15:22
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#16 | |
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Got metal?
Join Date: 06.11.2003
Location:
Switzerland
Posts: 2,109
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Quote:
the same here! well done, great lyrics!
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24 Dec 2003, 15:27
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#17 |
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Mega Loafer
Join Date: 10.07.2003
Location:
Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 2,580
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Great job FM. Standing ovation for you too
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24 Dec 2003, 17:34
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#18 | |
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Rampant Loafer...
Join Date: 29.07.2002
Location: welshy wales
Posts: 5,706
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Quote:
A word to the wise Mousie - Red Lingerie that's 4 sizes too big and anything 'practical' for the kitchen really AREN'T good ideas...... |
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24 Dec 2003, 18:08
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#19 |
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Too sexy for this post
Join Date: 14.04.2002
Location:
 Manchester, UK
Posts: 2,895
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We all need help. . .
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24 Dec 2003, 18:36
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#20 |
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Mega Loafer
Join Date: 21.11.2003
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 1,667
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Great song words. I don't know how you do it.
Merry Christmas |
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24 Dec 2003, 20:15
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#21 |
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Super Loafer
Join Date: 09.04.2003
Location:
Edinburgh, formerly Teesside
Posts: 671
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LMAO those are great.
Great Job People |
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25 Dec 2003, 00:24
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#22 | |
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Mega Loafer
Join Date: 07.02.2003
Location:
Posts: 8,101
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Quote:
Vicki |
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25 Dec 2003, 01:43
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#23 | |
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Mega Loafer
Join Date: 10.07.2003
Location:
Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 2,580
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Quote:
But we wouldn't have it any other way
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25 Dec 2003, 01:58
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#24 | ||
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Mega Loafer
Join Date: 07.02.2003
Location:
Posts: 8,101
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Quote:
Vicki |
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25 Dec 2003, 02:13
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#25 |
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Super Loafer
Join Date: 02.10.2003
Location: Columbus, Ohio USA
Posts: 610
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Neil that's great! The morons, the loonies, the desperation.....
Sounds like the malls are exactly the same everywhere -Kathy |
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