Women Rule

[tukayaway]

But honestly, I dont think that there will ever be equal sexes. But I think that blokes are slowly catching up:

You will never see a bloke advertising washing powder.
Or any form of slimming aid.
A bloke will never moan that "She only wants me for sex"
A bloke will never moan that "She is crap between the sheets"
A bloke will never understand the point of owning more than 5 pairs of shoes.
A bloke will never ask "Who's winning?" or "Who's playing?"
THE SCORE IS CLEARLY ON THE SCREEN WITH THE TEAMS AND YES IT IS NORMAL FOR THE TEAMS TO GO THE OTHER WAY AFTER HALF TIME AND I DONT CARE ABOUT THE OTHER TEAM WHEN THEY LOSE AND THE TEAM WITH THE BEST KIT SHOULDNT WIN. WHY DO WOMEN ASK QUESTIONS WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO WATCH FOOTBALL? (With exception to those who know about football, not the girls trying to be one of the lads.)

Oh by the way, well done England for snatching victory from the jaws of defeat again.

[original sin]

Originally Posted by Eyeore

. . .
There are intelligent men.
There are sensitive men.
Every male singer songwiter alive is a sensitive one.

You never heard the Sex Pistols then?

Ever read a poetry book. Half of them are men.
This all stems from basic instinct of course.

And by deduction the other half are Women


We're not immature. Women are too mature.
What's the point in going through life with this ridiculous notion of the perfect man.
Men want the perfect woman, but we know she doesn't exist.

Sorry but is this not the most sexist remark you've heard girls?
I'm sorry, I don't like the whole idea of the battle of the sexes, it makes me wretch.

Makes me laugh especially when its a two way thing which goes to prove that we are actually working together

[Chris]

I have to side with the enemy on this one, One day women will be in charge.

BUT

Only after we have:
Checked the bath for spiders
Changed the lightbulbs
Patrolled the house at 2am in case the noise she heard was real
Changed the oil on the car
Mowed the lawns
Investigated the strange noises in the loft
etc etc etc.

[dottie]

Originally Posted by Chris

I have to side with the enemy on this one, One day women will be in charge.

BUT

Only after we have:
Checked the bath for spiders
Changed the lightbulbs
Patrolled the house at 2am in case the noise she heard was real
Changed the oil on the car
Mowed the lawns
Investigated the strange noises in the loft
etc etc etc.

I'm the one Chris who does this - never forgot the time a black plastic bag was wriggling in the garage - hubby screamed help - I opened with great care and found a hedgehog inside some

[Chris]

It has just been pointed out to me by a friend that I shot myslef in the foot with this one. On account of the fact that I am scared shit less of spiders!!!!!!

[original sin]

Originally Posted by Chris

It has just been pointed out to me by a friend that I shot myslef in the foot with this one. On account of the fact that I am scared [undefined, soft, usually dark coloured, strong smelling stuff that attracts flies] less of spiders!!!!!!

Can I finally rest my case???

[heat]

Originally Posted by Eyeore

. . .
This is very very sad.
Is this why the Suffragettes fought for equal rights?
In my view, the whole idea of the battle of the sexes makes me wretch.
The female phyche is a comletely hypocritaical one.
Women claim to want "caring sensetive men".
When one comes along, you blow him off because he's "too nice."
There are intelligent men.
There are sensitive men.
Every male singer songwiter alive is a sensitive one.

Ever read a poetry book. Half of them are men.
This all stems from basic instinct of course.

So it is my conclusion that women don't like men.
You might say, women hate men.
This is because they have been indocrtinated into believing that there is such a thing as the "Fairytal Price" who is in fact a woman's phyche with male
genetalia tucked away somewhere.

We sexes are two different to each other. Why do we continue to interact?
Why?
And why do women hate men?
Men don't hate women.
Quite the opposite.
We love you.
We're not immature. Women are too mature.
What's the point in going through life with this ridiculous notion of the perfect man.
Men want the perfect woman, but we know she doesn't exist.

I'm sorry, I don't like the whole idea of the battle of the sexes, it makes me wretch.

Eyeore, please dont think i'm being funny or anything but I never once thought that this was a serious 'I hate men' thread. I thought that this was just a laugh, a bit of friendly banter between friends. And i'm sure that's what nearly everyone else on this board thought - please correct me if i'm wrong.

Heat
xxx

[Kat]

The last post has just won the argument for us lads. MEN ROCK!

It may have done but as usually men take so long to get one innane point across that women give up listening after 5 mins of shite! :P

[Testify]

hehe

[original sin]

[heat]

Me like

[dottie]

[Chris]

Men age better than women: Scientific research has proven that men have a higher level of the sex hormone Androgen which causes men to a have a thicker dermis and subcutis which in tun means that aging has a lesser effect in the earlier stages!!!!!!

[original sin]

Originally Posted by Chris

Men age better than women: Scientific research has proven that men have a higher level of the sex hormone Androgen which causes men to a have a thicker dermis and subcutis which in tun means that aging has a lesser effect in the earlier stages!!!!!!

actually Chris I think the laypersons interpretation is that men are Thick Skinned!

[Rob The Badger]

I think I'm turning into the boards hell here. . .
Ok, I didn't mean my thread to be so stupidly serious. I forgot to edit it later (add a just kidding or something) and I'm just in a very bad place relationship -wise at the moment so I'm harbouring a little bit of resentment.

I'm really not that sexist. Though that did seem like a very sexist remark. I'm going to apologise for that now.

But this whole thing irritates me still.

But just for a laugh here we go. . .THE MOST CONTRADICTORY PIECE OF WRITING. . .EVER

Men are weak and feeble.
Women are strong of mind.
Men can fix cars.
Some women can fix cars.
Men invented philosophy.
Women invented gossip.
David Byrne is a man. 'nuff said.
Marge Simpson is a woman. 'nuff said.
Men are right wing.
Women are women.
Men can be walked over like wet blanket.
Women are wet blankets.



P.S.
The Sex Pistols changed the face of music in this country. If it wasn't for them there would be no bands like R.E.M, R.H.C.P, Nirvana or any other great Rock band.(I am aware that these are all American bands.)

AND THE FINAL POINT EVER! TO WIN THE BATTLE!

John Lennon was a man.
He wrote "Imagine".
Yoko Ono is a woman.
She broke up The Beatles.

[original sin]

yeah Eyeore you got it! sorry you're having a problem in your current relationship. I'll share one little thing with you. If you can't laugh.......it's not worth it.

Excerpt: From Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. One day long ago the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they had never known. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus.

The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms. They had intuitively known that this day would come. Their hearts opened wide to a love they had never felt before.
The love between the Venusians and Martians was magical. They delighted in being together, doing things together, and sharing together. Though from different worlds, they reveled in their differences. They spent months learning about each other, exploring and appreciating their different needs, preferences, and behavior patterns. For years they lived together in love and harmony.

Then they decided to fly to Earth. In the beginning everything was wonderful and beautiful. But the effects of Earth's atmosphere took hold, and one morning everyone woke up with a peculiar kind of amnesia-selective amnesia!

Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets and were supposed to be different. In one morning everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory. And since that day men and women have been in conflict

[Rob The Badger]

Amen.

[MBrevard]

The Little Mermaid

Three friends are enjoying a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid. She begs to be set free. In return, she promises to grant each man one wish.

One of the men just doesn't believe it, but he says, "O.K., if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q."

The mermaid says, "Done!"

Suddenly he starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with remarkable insight.

The second man is amazed. He says to the mermaid, "Triple my I.Q."

And the mermaid replies, "Done!"

He begins to spout out the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping scientists in various fields for decades.

The third man is so enthralled with the changes in his friends that he says to the mermaid, "Quintuple my I.Q."

The mermaid looks at him. "You know, I normally don't try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you would reconsider."

The man replies, "No, I want to increase my I.Q. times five and if you don't do it, I won't set you free."

"Please," says the mermaid, "You don't know what your asking...it'll change your entire view of the universe...won't you ask for something else..a million dollars, anything?"

But no matter what the mermaid said, the man insisted that his I.Q. be increased by five times its usual power.

So the mermaid sighs. "Done!"

And with that, he became a woman!


Sorry! Couldn't resist!!

Love,
MB
xxx

[Testify]

good one

[Rob The Badger]

This again eh?
Oh well.
Here we go. . .


Joe finds a lamp in some place or other.
He rubs it and out pops a magical genie-typee-person.
"Hola!" said the rather Spanish genie.
"Hi" said Joe.
"I'll grant you one wish-o" said the genie.
"Oh", said Joe.
"Then I want you to build a bridge joining Britain and the United States."
The genie was outraged.
"What do you think I am, some kind of engineer, c'mon, something realistic."
"Ok, then I want to understand women in all their complexities, why they do the things they do and why they start threads like this."
The genie thought about this and scratched his belly.
"Hmmm" he said,
"One bridge or two"?

I'm sorry guys.

[MBrevard]

Ooooh, Eyeore!!!

Okay. Couldn't decide whether to put these here or in the Bumper Sticker category, but I guess here will do:

WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS

• A woman is like a tea bag...You don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water!
• So many men, so few who can afford me!
• Coffee, chocolate, men. Some things are just better rich!
• Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen!
• Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it!!
• Do not start with me. You will NOT win!
• All stressed out and no one to choke! (Sorry, Jim & Meat!)
• I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people!
• How can I miss you if you won't go away?
• Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!
• If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!!!
• Of course, I don't look busy! I did it right the FIRST time!

Love,
MB
xxx

[original sin]

Definitions of words by gender...

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min.


Hearing v's Listening
What a woman says:

Cmon...This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now!

What a man hears:

C'MON....blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!
[/u]

[Rob The Badger]

Good one!

[Jen]

In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces, "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.

"The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The Doctor quickly responded, "$5000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and then to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used."



Q: What should you give a man who has everything?
A: A woman to show him how to work it.

Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
A: Big Foot has been spotted several times.

Q: What do you say to a man with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, he's already been told twice.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they are practicing to be men.

Q: Why do men float better than women?
A: Because they are scum.

Q: What do beer bottles and men have in common?
A: They are both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the s**t out of you.

Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Q: What's the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they get drunk!

Why are women so bad at parallel parking? Because men keep telling them
that this...
|<---------------------->|
...is 8 inches.

[MBrevard]

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth.

The doctor told them that they'd developed a new machine, and asked if the couple would like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the mother's burden.

Well, they thought that was a good idea, and decided to give it a try.

The doctor initially set the machine on 10 percent, telling the man that even 10 percent was probably more pain than he'd ever experienced. But the husband was surprised at how little pain he was feeling, and asked the doctor to raise the level.

The doctor increased it to 20 percent, and when the man still felt fine, he raised it to 50 -- and finally 100 percent.

After it was all over, the man stood up, and stretched a little.

Both he and his wife felt fine, and they shortly left the hospital to take the baby home.

It was then that they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.



Love,
MB
xxx