Jokes - Page 4

heat · 16 Jul 2003, 23:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by dottie

Poem by guess who - read carefully you should be able to suss this one out - 1 clue- Help!

We lay upon the grassy bank,
My hands were all a quiver,
I slowly undid her suspender belt,
and her leg fell in the river

Paul Mcartney...

dottie · 17 Jul 2003, 10:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by heat

Quote:

Originally Posted by dottie

Poem by guess who - read carefully you should be able to suss this one out - 1 clue- Help!

We lay upon the grassy bank,
My hands were all a quiver,
I slowly undid her suspender belt,
and her leg fell in the river

Paul Mcartney...

- Yes!

Wild_Honey · 17 Jul 2003, 13:02

Eeeeeerm, I think it was JOHN LENNON!!!!????

Wild_Honey · 17 Jul 2003, 13:12

This one is QUITE disgusting, but tame.

3 Vampires

There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.

The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.

The third vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water."

The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?"

The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."

dottie · 17 Jul 2003, 16:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild_Honey

Eeeeeerm, I think it was JOHN LENNON!!!!????

Eeeeeerm No - P.Mc new wife - l leg get it

Louise · 17 Jul 2003, 16:12

>A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices the oil
>pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the
>motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
>
>After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal.
>
> "No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth "it's just ice cream"

Wild_Honey · 17 Jul 2003, 16:48

heat · 17 Jul 2003, 17:10

Hafta tell you my elephant joke.. WARNING though..it may not be to everyone's taste....

A man goes to his doctors, and says to the doc, 'I've been raped by an elephant!!'
The doctor looks slightly aghast, and suggests the man drop his pants, and bend over so he can examine him.
The man does so, but when the doc looks, all the doc see's is a massive hole where the man's anus should be...
'In my opinion,' says the doc, 'Elephants have very long, thin penis's....there's no way that an elephant's penis could have caused this damage'
'I know what your saying doc,' says the man, ' But he fingered me first...'

Wild_Honey · 18 Jul 2003, 16:22

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's a*** was that eye staring right back at him. "You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

meatfan · 21 Jul 2003, 01:11

A man went to Court to divorce his wife.

"Why do you want a Divorce?" asked the Judge.

"Well", he replied, "She keeps goats in the bedroom and they stink".

"Can you not open the windows?" asked the Judge.

"What?" replied the man. "And let all my pigeons out?"

Heather.

meatfan · 21 Jul 2003, 01:15

Oh, Dottie,

Just read your jokes!

Could not stop laughing!

You have my sense of humour!

Heather.

Wild_Honey · 21 Jul 2003, 13:04

3 Men, 3 Wishes

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land in a huge glass of that drink.

The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.

The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.

The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!'''

tukayaway · 22 Jul 2003, 00:14

A tramp walks into a bar and asks the barman for a toothpick. Not wanting any trouble, the barman gives the man a toothpick. Another tramp walk in and asks the barman for a toothpick, and again, the barman duly obliges.

A third tramp walked in and the barman gave him a toothpick. The tramp declines and asks for a straw. The barman asks "I've just had two tramps asks me for a toothpick, why do you need a straw?"

"Someone has been sick outside and all the good bits have gone"

Cathie · 22 Jul 2003, 00:18

Ewww...

meatfan · 22 Jul 2003, 01:22

I read the Tramp joke and was so upset I was sick through the open window.

The doorbell rang - my husband said "There are three tramps outside and the first two are asking for toothpicks".....

HeHeHe

Dare I put my name to this?

Wild_Honey · 22 Jul 2003, 14:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by tukayaway

A tramp walks into a bar and asks the barman for a toothpick. Not wanting any trouble, the barman gives the man a toothpick. Another tramp walk in and asks the barman for a toothpick, and again, the barman duly obliges.

A third tramp walked in and the barman gave him a toothpick. The tramp declines and asks for a straw. The barman asks "I've just had two tramps asks me for a toothpick, why do you need a straw?"

"Someone has been sick outside and all the good bits have gone"

YUCK!

Wild_Honey · 22 Jul 2003, 14:03

Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?

A: A sheep.

Testify · 22 Jul 2003, 14:05

i seriously wonder about u ppl sometimes

Wild_Honey · 22 Jul 2003, 14:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Testify

i seriously wonder about u ppl sometimes

How come???

Wild_Honey · 22 Jul 2003, 14:30

A guy walks into a restaurant. He sits down and this ugly waitress comes over. He then orders a hamburger and a hotdog. So five minutes later the waitress comes back with a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. So the man asks, ?Where's the burger??

Then the waitress lifts up her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit and says, ?I was keeping it warm.?

Disgusted he says, ?Please cancel my hotdog...?

Cathie · 23 Jul 2003, 00:50

I agree with Testify, sometimes I really worry about the things that are going on in your heads.
Some of those things are very funny tho...

meatfan · 23 Jul 2003, 01:46

I dont get Wild Honey's joke - someone explain?

Heather.

**The Flying Mouse** · 23 Jul 2003, 01:58

I seriously doubt anyone could explain it without having their post being edited big time

.

Testify · 23 Jul 2003, 13:27

hehe nope!!

Wild_Honey · 23 Jul 2003, 17:16

Sorry, just realised my mistakes....

I'll edit it later!!!

17 Jul 2003, 13:02	#78
Wild_Honey Super Loafer Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Windeck, Germany Posts: 606	Eeeeeerm, I think it was JOHN LENNON!!!!????

17 Jul 2003, 13:12	#79
Wild_Honey Super Loafer Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Windeck, Germany Posts: 606	This one is QUITE disgusting, but tame. 3 Vampires There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves. The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves. The third vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water." The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?" The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."

17 Jul 2003, 16:12	#81
Louise Super Loafer Join Date: 23.04.2003 Location: East Yorkshire, UK Posts: 235	>A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices the oil >pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the >motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. > >After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal. > > "No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth "it's just ice cream"

17 Jul 2003, 16:48	#82
Wild_Honey Super Loafer Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Windeck, Germany Posts: 606

17 Jul 2003, 17:10	#83
heat Rampant Loafer... Join Date: 29.07.2002 Location: welshy wales Posts: 5,706	Hafta tell you my elephant joke.. WARNING though..it may not be to everyone's taste.... A man goes to his doctors, and says to the doc, 'I've been raped by an elephant!!' The doctor looks slightly aghast, and suggests the man drop his pants, and bend over so he can examine him. The man does so, but when the doc looks, all the doc see's is a massive hole where the man's anus should be... 'In my opinion,' says the doc, 'Elephants have very long, thin penis's....there's no way that an elephant's penis could have caused this damage' 'I know what your saying doc,' says the man, ' But he fingered me first...'

18 Jul 2003, 16:22	#84
Wild_Honey Super Loafer Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Windeck, Germany Posts: 606	A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's a*** was that eye staring right back at him. "You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

21 Jul 2003, 01:11	#85
meatfan Super Loafer Join Date: 16.04.2003 Posts: 251	A man went to Court to divorce his wife. "Why do you want a Divorce?" asked the Judge. "Well", he replied, "She keeps goats in the bedroom and they stink". "Can you not open the windows?" asked the Judge. "What?" replied the man. "And let all my pigeons out?" Heather.

21 Jul 2003, 01:15	#86
meatfan Super Loafer Join Date: 16.04.2003 Posts: 251	Oh, Dottie, Just read your jokes! Could not stop laughing! You have my sense of humour! Heather.

21 Jul 2003, 13:04	#87
Wild_Honey Super Loafer Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Windeck, Germany Posts: 606	3 Men, 3 Wishes Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land in a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer. The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!'''

22 Jul 2003, 00:14	#88
tukayaway Super Loafer Join Date: 12.05.2002 Location: Luton, England Posts: 485	A tramp walks into a bar and asks the barman for a toothpick. Not wanting any trouble, the barman gives the man a toothpick. Another tramp walk in and asks the barman for a toothpick, and again, the barman duly obliges. A third tramp walked in and the barman gave him a toothpick. The tramp declines and asks for a straw. The barman asks "I've just had two tramps asks me for a toothpick, why do you need a straw?" "Someone has been sick outside and all the good bits have gone"

22 Jul 2003, 00:18	#89
Cathie Sweet But Sadistic Join Date: 18.06.2003 Location: Lincolnshire/Essex depending on the time of year! Posts: 4,098	Ewww...

22 Jul 2003, 01:22	#90
meatfan Super Loafer Join Date: 16.04.2003 Posts: 251	I read the Tramp joke and was so upset I was sick through the open window. The doorbell rang - my husband said "There are three tramps outside and the first two are asking for toothpicks"..... HeHeHe Dare I put my name to this?

22 Jul 2003, 14:03	#92
Wild_Honey Super Loafer Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Windeck, Germany Posts: 606	Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.

22 Jul 2003, 14:05	#93
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023	i seriously wonder about u ppl sometimes

22 Jul 2003, 14:30	#95
Wild_Honey Super Loafer Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Windeck, Germany Posts: 606	A guy walks into a restaurant. He sits down and this ugly waitress comes over. He then orders a hamburger and a hotdog. So five minutes later the waitress comes back with a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. So the man asks, ?Where's the burger?? Then the waitress lifts up her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit and says, ?I was keeping it warm.? Disgusted he says, ?Please cancel my hotdog...?

23 Jul 2003, 00:50	#96
Cathie Sweet But Sadistic Join Date: 18.06.2003 Location: Lincolnshire/Essex depending on the time of year! Posts: 4,098	I agree with Testify, sometimes I really worry about the things that are going on in your heads. Some of those things are very funny tho...

23 Jul 2003, 01:46	#97
meatfan Super Loafer Join Date: 16.04.2003 Posts: 251	I dont get Wild Honey's joke - someone explain? Heather.

23 Jul 2003, 01:58	#98
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	I seriously doubt anyone could explain it without having their post being edited big time .

23 Jul 2003, 13:27	#99
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023	hehe nope!!

23 Jul 2003, 17:16	#100
Wild_Honey Super Loafer Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Windeck, Germany Posts: 606	Sorry, just realised my mistakes.... I'll edit it later!!!