In the meantime, Brian

Lost the plot and

dived into the clear blue ocean to look for it

where unfortunately, he met a

siren, which he was drawn to like a moth to a flame. He knew her love would be the death of him, but he swam to her just the same.

It took ages though, because Brian couldn't swim very well at all. About the best he could manage was a bit of a doggy paddle, and only then if he had his armbands and rubber ring to keep him afloat.

Sadly, he had neither with him.

As the thrashing about in the water and choking noises were testament to.

all humankind stupidity and

the way to go on our way to

nowhere fast

because he was blind as a bat

and as we all know...bats are

flying mammals who like to fly in

the heat of the night

& around the belfry for a quick

pint or two

or three...

and a packet of

scampi fries

nuts

which was a bizarre mix that had recently been marketed by KP with a TV advertising campaing featuring

an almost unknown Z-list celebrity, dressed up as a giant scampi, singing a song about nuts.

while dressed as a Transvestite

and looking suspiciously enough just like...

Brian.

It transpired that,

the sea parted to reveal a lost city filled with people no bigger then 3ft

while the careless writers had left this thread unattended, Brian had managed to

draft in a set of parallel writers who would spend their time writing two lines at exactly the same time, which only served to

leave the entire world stunned and aghast that a story so well written could not win anything in the oscars

But wait...aren't we ahead of ourselves???

No.

Meanwhile, the 3ft tall people had overrun Slough, leading to

A thrid series of The Office being commissioned.

which wasn't what the 3ft people wanted to hear, seeing as they were paid up members of the Will & Grace Fanclub

They protested long and hard about this, and eventually absolutely nothing was done about it.

so the 3ft tall people joined the lost tv wannabe cast

Which was much easier than it sounded, as being only 3ft tall they had a tendency to get misplaced anyway, but this way they were being paid shedloads of money for doing what they normally did.

And it was a better part because the director wanted them to be Christmas Elves for the Christmas special.

however one of the 3ft tall people, who at 3ft 1in was considered the leader,sold his story to the Tabloids causing friction amongst the rest.

His book 'It's a small world after all' went on to sell a grand total of 4 copies...as not many people could find it in big bookstores, only small ones

which was going out at easter instead because someone had misplaced it on the csi pile

To which a film was made from the book 'it's a small world after all'

with the main song off the soundtrack 'It's small coming back to me now'!

But, of course, dear read, we all know THAT was not THAT small...

The 3ft people denied accusations that they were carrying mini weapons of mass destruction

and hoped the UN inspectors might overlook the extremely big weapons of mass distraction they had in the back of the van.

as well as stuck in their pants...

those tight fitting pants stored pocket rockets for which the male 3ft people told all females that they were genuinely pleased to see them

Being very wise females, of course, and isn't it always the case, dear reader, they have never believed the males...however...

then the giant awoke with a funny head thinking what a nightmeare i've just had

he scratched his head and heard the faints sounds of Bat Out Of Hell III in the distance...was the monster indeed loose?

Luckily, he heard the noises again and realised they were coming from the direction of his stomach, and in fact were trying to tell him he was hungry and should eat. Therefore, the giant made his favourite lunch of

tortoise and corned beef sandwiches finished off with snails and a side order of garlic bread

with jam on.

and to wash it all down he drank

12 gallons of Miller GD

Of course, we all know what happens when you do THAT...however, what really happened was...

an enormous burp, so big that it caused earthquakes and floods in

The neighbours back

garden & caused the hot tub too

bubble up like a massive jacuzzi but it looked more like a cauldron fit for a witch...but she was on her day off which meant that...

Brian would have to make his own dinner, once he'd taken his socks off the boil.

which left him dancing barefoot...confusing the 3 ft people and the monster to no end...

...not to mention the poor deluded writers, who were desperately trying to keep up with the non-existant plot.

just when the writers thought they had all the answers, the questions were changed

which to those who were colour blind was difficult

on a separate topic the 3ft people had developed Megalophobia (fear of large things)

But at the same time, In big person town they were planning to

hold a ceremony to elect the Queen with the bookmakers backing Marion Raven, Patti Russo being out of the running

As she was caught with her

microphone in the wrong stand...but her shoes managed to stay on her feet throughout the ordeal

amazing as that sounds it was nothing compared to

the dilemma faced by the town Barry Manilow was visiting when he sneezed and discovered he'd forgotten to pack his 'special' tissues :shock:

Which he misplaced in the

basket of his bicycle.

which in turn was also

a time machine which had been secretly developed by the boffins at

the super secret Institute of Techonology and Other Junk

at the university of Universally challenged people, a strange place indeed where a fun time can be had by all...if ya like that you'll like...

to go to the royal albert hall to see a big man with a big voice sing big big songs for five nights

and if you DON'T like it, well then you just have no culture ...

Unfortunatly for anyone still reading this story, the only culture to be found anywhere near it was the one in the bottom of the live yoghurt Brian was about to have for his tea.

which exploded with offensive qualities that was up there with the best from the big brother house

and covered them all with vile, slimy probiotic substances ...

After a quick shower, the writers got together to try and see if the plot could be rescued at all, or if they should start a completely new plot with completely new characters. After much discussion, they decided to

cut there losses & hire the mlukfc to write for them as they are most doubfully the most expireance funny writers of all time without being

completely insensitive to the

the way we all need to talk to each other at least 20 times a day

without saying anything of great significance at all ....

but had a fun time in doing so the time went without an apperance from

the dreadfully, aweful, tonedeaf fan of the mighty man himself ...

who we all know as ..........

the one and only, the MAN, the favourite ...

Michael Crawford perhaps? Alas, he really didn't want to

but perhaps he could be tortured and made to talk ... I mean, sing ...

for the opening of the new musical

starring a newcomer, Chris!!!

However, being a newcomer, Chris needed some extra special

voice lessons from a very special coach, namely ....

Sylvester Stallone and his trusty sidekick