but couldnt remember where he had parked it

so the hunt was on to find the smartcar before the papperazzi got back....

from the jungle where they had been sleeping

However as it turned out..

they didnt get any sleep at all because..

a pack of marauding wild dogs suddenly appeared from the now soggy fields of wheat and chased them into the jungle. There they huddled for what seemed hours trying to

work out what had happened, it had started off as such a nice day,

but that was long ago, and it was far away

and since things had gone from bad to worse a small number of the paparazzi were seriously thinking of a career change;

perhaps weather reporting. Maybe even dog obedience training seeing that so many of them

the idea of a job which meant staying safely indoors away from jungles, dogs, rain and especially jam was incredibly appealing. The smart car mystery was solved when

the smart car came rumbling down the road all by itself. It shuddered to a stop at the sight of

a small speed bump, which scared the life out of it's non-existant suspension and plastic panels.

which was pretty hard to do seeing it had no suspension to be scared out of in the first place. Still the plastic parts were definitely showing signs of

melting in the hot sunshine which had suddenly broken through the incessant rain.

But then, the rain in Spain does fall mainly in the plain. However, the progressively uglier Brian, was now becoming quite

hungry

because the last of the jam was now all gone. Julia had taken an enormous picnic basket to the beach with her in the smart car (which was buckling) and fuel prices continued to be worrisome.

It was now well and truly time for Brian to remove the samurai sword from the loungeroom wall and

use it to clean his fingernails, which had got very grubby in all the excitement. He did consider committing Hari-Kari, but to be honest, that would be an unfortunate and premature end to the hero of this Alternative Story wouldn't it?

But then again, as Brian skillflully cleaned his nails, he mused that

, as the birds had stopped twittering in the trees outside and the corn wasn't swaying in the breeze anymore, his writers had seriously lost the plot, if (he thought) they ever had it in the first place anyway.

Having been made aware of Brian's feelings in this matter, the writers pulled their pants on outside their tights, (some with better results than others, it must be said - you know who you are!) fished out the shiny spandex catsuits, wet-look leather superhero costumes and assorted capes, and got down to business. In no time at all, Brian found himself

wondering what the hell he'd let himself in for, one minute he's being written for by a bunch of almost respectable people, the next it's a bunch of psychadelically cross dressed loonies with their pants on outside their clothes,

not to mention the delusions of grandeur! Julie, in the meantime, was

starting to dry out, after the episode in the dishwasher and the subsequent deluge of rainfall, as she towelled her hair dry she hoped that the writers woiuld finally see fit to involve her in the bodice ripping beautiful heroine part she'd been promised by her agent.