"Hmmmm...." replied Brian, pernickitily, "I believe that actually, they're tweeting..."

he is so pedantic like that

He may have been pedantic, but he was in fact completely wrong, since as far as Gary could remember, at no point in the story had the birds tweeted.

Unfortunately, it seemed obvious that Brian hadn't been paying attention at all, as he seemed to have forgotten that Gaz was, in fact, the new boyfriend of his one and only love, Julie, and he'd been getting quite chummy with him.

so brian took his guitar and he smashed it against the wall....

the wall reacted quite badly to this, but not half as much as the guitar did. In complete outrage at being smashed against the wall it dissolved into a thousands and thousands of frgaments of wood splinters, metal and bizarrely marmite.

brian was quite amazed by this, so amazed in fact that he...

too dissolved into thousands and thousands of tiny fragments and lumps of marmite.

Which takes some doing as Marmite generally remains in liquid form, so he should strictly speaking have dissolved into thousands and thousands of tiny fragments and blobs of marmite. Still, since when have the facts and science stood in the way of a good story (anyone read The Da Vinci Code or Angels and Demons?)

So, with Marmite now oozing out of the walls, and flowing between the fragments of wood and steel...

this seemed a good time to introduce a troop of yak hair weavers from outer Mongolia that Brian had previously made acquaintance with and invited to visit

his cousin Dorothy, who had recently moved from the US after encountering bad weather in Kansas.

Dorothy hadn't featured much in the story so far as she'd been away at the quarantine kennels with tin man and scarecrow visiting Lion and Toto who were locked up for 6 months as they didn't have pet passports.

The fifteen illegal immigrants who'd helped carry her bags had got in without any problems, and promptly disappeared in the general direction of Slough, where they hoped to meet up with Ricky Gervais and get into the paper products business.

Except there was no paper....

why not? the enquiring readers asked.

The readers would be delighted to know that the man in stores failed to order paper in a timely manner, a minor issue for which he got completely reamed, thus leaving a job vacancy... now, which of the alternative characters could fill this position?

Any of them could have done, but none applied, so the vacancy was left open for a while.

Meanwhile,

the birds had continued to twitter in the barn, as they patiently waited for some new trtees to grow which could sway in the breeze.

Just then,

Brian who had

everyone, including his mum, decided to

reappear in the story as a

brief interlude from the lunacy that had been going on.