Damn! You heard me mutter that did you?

just then a pig walked up to an old lady

who happened to be standing nearby, watching

the Madras annual guinea pig race, held in honour of masking tape companies worldwide...

which this year was won by

an aardvark masquerading as

beleive it or not a guinea pig

although sheer size advantage required drug tests, which revealed

anadin

and believe me, anadin was rather startled by this development.

The resulting scandal meant the annual guinea pig race was replaced with something completely unexpected:

giraffe knotting. The first event of the day

was delayed because the wind was rustling the trees and the birds in the barn were making too much noise.

Luckily the noise made by the giraffes when things eventually got underway more than drowned out those pesky birds.

And they were off, the race was on to see who was the quickest at tying a knot in the giraffes neck however this wasn't the easiest of things to do...

due to the need to catch them first. Brian had the advantage, however, as he'd

drunk too much the previous night, he was quite pished...

And on rollerskates... so off he set

BUT...you can't even go up and down the stairs when drunk...so...

he set about installing a ramp.

But, of course...drunk people shouldn't be installing anything, much less ramps and so...

it was a total disaster, resulting in a trip to the hospital as Brian had managed to insert a

rather large screwdriver into his left nostril...

instead of buying one of those little hair removal gadgets like everyone else, which could have done the two jobs instead of just one, which resulted in such a calamitous outcome

his glass eye shot out, and bounced neatly off the head of a nearby