knitting

And quite a large gun which was all tangled in her knitting...

As she began to unravel the gun

it began to spin a yarn

"There goes my dear nephew's new sweater," - exclaimed...

the dear, sweet little old lady, as she fired six rounds into her nephew, the copper.

Slowly reached for his gun, but in doing so it caught on his trousers..

got stuck in them...Boom...sound of the shot echoed...

Through the quiet desolute house

Alas! What had he actually shot? Could it be

The left hind leg of his favorite armchair???

Perhaps so, as it happened to be a folding armchair so that he could tote it wherever he pleased. The sweet little old lady

smelled of Werthers Originals.

As she always carried some in her pockets to shut the heck up her grandchildren who...

spent the whole day asking stupid inane questions like, 'Are we there yet?' or 'Whyyyyyyy?' or 'Please, Granny, can you knit me a jumper?' Her response (up until the discovery of Werther's Originals) had always been

to say "parlare il bambino nauseabondo italiano, io non parlano inglese" (she was Italian you see)

and the only phrase she knew in English was "There goes my dear nephew's new sweater," which was not a particularly useful phrase, and had been the reason why she'd decided not to learn any more English.

as the (over)use of that single phrase had got her into serious bother more than once. For example,

she'd been punched in the face by a rather burly man, who thought she was accusing him of having nicked her nephew's sweater, when in fact, she thought she was asking what time the bus to Bedford would arrive.

Alas the bus was taking its time so the granny sat down at the bus stopped and spotted a nice..

copy of Peoples Friend which she picked up to look at the pictures contained within it

But to her suprise those pictures were not of people but of

their friends

Which seemed strange as

she translated it to mean 'New Sweater's Today' but these pictures showed people not wearing sweaters (which confused her) instead they wore.....