and holding in his hand, the neglected poo. Which was very

disconcerting as it was wrapped

in extremely prickly

tissue paper, which had been purchased from

a leading Yorkshire newsagent, who goes by the unlikely name of

Michelle,

whose hobbies included

frequenting the local

and worrying small fluffy

slippers by

hiding them inside rolled up copies of The Beano

On a certain weblog, Michelle describes herself as

gorgeous in black fish nets

and as having a wicked sense of

smell, which would have helped her to locate the tissue paper wrapped parcel. However,

on the day in question, Michelle had developed a rather nasty cold, resulting in copious amounts of green gunge dripping from her nose, and staining her

upper lip, which she hadn't waxed in about 4 weeks.

Her now green moustache was a perfect match with her eyes.

Which she kept stored in a jam jar on a shelf next to her colections of

toenail clippings, which numbered into the hundreds, as she'd kept every clipping since the age of twelve. Some people thought Michelle was a bit weird, whilst others

were just plain scared of her. A common belief was that Michelle would

spontaneously combust at the slightest provocation, resulting in devastating

noises and the non-delivery of newspapers all over the Cleckhuddersfax region of Yorkshire

There was only one known method of preventing this, and it involved

three packets of smarties a small spanner and some duck tape