then she realised that she had forgot.........

to get any of the writers to agree to this. Feeling generous, however, they took pity on her, and introduced a gorgeous

gargoyle called Cindy, on the bottom of the gargoyle were etched the immortal words....

youve got a hell of a lot to learn about rock and roll

Brian, who had read this story in the interim, as it was sent to him via email, welcomed the introduction of the gargoyle rock and roll student, as he seemed to have more chance with the gargoyle than with Julie, thus he decided he should teach the gargoyle about rock and roll by....

smashing his guitar against the hood of the smartcar

auch said the smartcar

im sorry said brian, sometime i just get carried away with

abusing innocent plasticy items of enjoyment. Perhaps I should resort to my previous occupation of self-abuse by removing my glass eye and smashing it into tiny pieces with my trusty sledgehammer."

Brian meandered off to find that Cindy creature to run this new idea by her. When he found her

socks, he

assumed she found the smell of apricot jam repulsive and so she discarded them and

did what all gargoyles do in such circumstances, which is sit on a roof for a coupl eof hundred years.

As they surely do, but our Brian isn't a bright sort of being anyhow. Not too dissimilar to one of the writers who was thinking of Julia. Maybe that writer needs to get focussed. Otherwise Julia might withdraw from her lucrative contract.

Perhaps Brian's glass eye was gleaming way to brightly when he found the socks and he ran off to the gold assayers office to see if he indeed had found

gold. He thought that if he had then he could finally afford to buy Julie the

world's supply of BOOH paper flower pot holders, then maybe Julie would...

get over her disappointment of her smashed hood on her smart car that had been broken by the smashing guitar incident earlier. On the other hand, if he had enough money to buy her

a mercury or two

then he'd consider it, perhaps. Possibly ... maybe, if

he had just one wish

and he sure as hell wasn't going to use it lamely like he had with the previous two he'd been granted by the genie.

so he sat down and thought about things and what he was doing wrong

he suddenly realised that his fate wasn't in his hands at all ...

BUT IT WAS IN FACT

in his pocket

of the jacket that he left behind

at the pub yesterday. Brian stood up with an air of decisiveness that startled even him, and decided now was the time to reclaim his jacket. Perhaps with his fate in his pocket again he could move forwards.

and upwards, but there was just one thing stopping him

and that was the pub's opening hours. Brian thought for a moment or two, and decided on a plan. In order to get into the pub, and retrieve his jacket and therefore his fate, Brian would cause a diversion by

setting fire to the Smart Car in the pub car park, using nothing more thasn two boy scouts, four litres of petrol and for some bizarre reason known only to Brian a courgette.

Using the courgette, Brian broke into the Smart Car, repositioning it in the pub car park, soaked it in petrol, whereupon it spontaneously combusted, and Brian was quick to shout "Hey, look, those two boy scouts have just set fire to that car!!!" The resulting commotion gave Brian ample time to

sneak in through the door of the pub (which incidentally was open 24 hours a day now and as such Brian had needlessly wasted a Smart car ... hang on, what am I saying, it's hardly a needless waste is it?)

He searched desperately around, racking his brains to try to remember which jacket he'd been wearing, when he finally spotted it, casually flung over the back of a chair, exactly where he'd left it. Bearing in mind the jacket was fuschia pink leopardskin, with a tinsel trim, that was hardly surprising. Brian rummaged through the pockets, and realised he'd mistaken his fate for a doughnut. In a state of near panic, he tried to think back to what he'd been doing when he'd last seen it...

Suddenly his train of thought was delayed (it was a Virgin thought) by a shout from behind the bar;

oi you, dont i know you, said the voice

Seeing as Brian's one good eye was momentarily blurred by the cigarette smoke in the pub, he couldn't

see a thing, and didn't recognise the voice anyway, so he decided to ignore it. This was a mistake, because the voice belonged to

his long-time arch-enemy and sparring partner, Freddie Ferknuckle. Freddie had indeed been the very same person who

who gave birth to Brian almost 50 years ago resulting from a bizarre and freakish accident involving...

A tractor, a goldfish and a football referee (also known as a "maggot"). The result of this bizarre accident stared across the bar....

and thought what on earth is going to happen to me now? Freddie provided the answer to this question by wandering over to Brian and offering him a drink;

although Brian thought it was very strange to be offering him a

gin and tonic with a twist of

lemon. Afterall, this was not his most favourite drink in the world. Rather, he preferred a good cup of tea instead. He really was quite miffed that Freddie would be so thoughtless on this ocassion. Fifty years surely deserved to be remembered by

everyone who had been involved so intimately in that period of time.

And it certainly was an interesting time indeed, because way back then Freddie had actually been a

can can dancer and part time dustman, as well as a full time mother.

But that was before the operation that was spoken of in hushed tones. Lucky for Brian though, because he always felt so embarrassed to admit his mother was his father; a point which seemed to have been overlooked

or at the very least ignored, by the more astute of the writers,

as many had noticed after pulling their heads out of their drinks. LOL

Nothwithstanding, now Brian had been forced into making a decision about

accepting the drink or not, or going to find his jacket or not, or doing both or not, or lots of other options, or not.

He was indeed a very troubled man since he

decided to accept the drink.

which well may leave the way open for him to forget his search for his very loudly coloured jacket. That would be tragic seeing one of the pockets was supposed to contain

something important, but the Gin was having an effect on him now, and he was starting to feel squiffy, and he couldn't remember what he was supposed to be looking for,

a very sad thing to reflect on indeed. Especially as there was nobody else around to jog his memory. Life's like that I guess in

the sort of town and story that Brian inhabited

was called Hundrum. Brian had been living in the town of humdrum ever since...

they started selling Chicago Town Pizzas.

some of which included his favourite toppings: the M&M pizza, the egg and onion pizza, and

...the shredded haggis pizza. That was a particular favourite of his since he had no guts of his own. It put a sense of meaning into his life whenever he ordered one of those because

he often had a gutful

of SOL, which often found it's way all the way to his vocabulary.

Given he wasn't a doctor, the number of terms he knew for body parts was outrageous, and caused no end of confusion to....

those who had the misfortune to know him. Or maybe they only thought they knew him. Was he who he said he was? Is he from

outer space or a member of Star Trek

Brian could easily pass for an extra from star trek and it was something he always admired about himself, he considered it to be....

extra terristral special

that his portrait was used for smileys everywhere. (:tard:). All of which was distracting him from his drink with Fred having found a stale donut in pursuit of Julie, Cindy, and

the meaning of life. The meaning of life having been scribbled on a piece of paper and shoved into the pocket of his vicariously coloured jacket.

However, he knew that Cindy wouldn't have moved from the spot she'd been placed in some 300 years ago. Julie was probably romping in the sand still. Now he had found Fred on Mother's Day. He felt it only right to

fleece her for as many free drinks as he possibly could.

particularly given Fred seemed to have been given a sex change by some inattentive writers. The resulting cognitive dissonance caused Fred....

to vomit uncontrollably at the very mention of his/her name. For it came to another's attention that a sex change had occurred, but let's not hold that against anyone in their fervent ramblings. They certainly seem to have taken Brian into their

storyline with a fervour only before encountered when

Hypnobabe slammed her own real life smart car into

a childs Fisher Price Pedal car, and the pedal car came out of the collision in a better state.

which neither Victoria, nor Berkshire, meaning it was in the state of

Fortunately she had adequate insurance coverage for the massive repair job, otherwise she would still be

sitting in a wreck on the highway. Brian meanwhile,

found himself unceremoniously drawn back into the storyline by a hairy

Australian

"g'day cobber" he uttered, "hows the billabong today? Its fair dinkum I trust"

"Carn, fair suck of the sav, that your best dinkum lingo, me fritz?" came th prompt response, thoroughly confusing Brian, who thought it might be best to emigrate to

Moldovia, but he didn't know where it was, nor had he found his jacket yet, so he figured it was best to resume his search.

and thought he might find his jacket in the field of spuds over yonder..

but then he was minded that the jacket indeed had been left in the pub. He knew the item for which he so fervently searched was not in either of the outside pockets, so he began to inspect the items in the inside breast pockets. He was eventually rewarded for his eternal patience, which he only just acquired ten minutes earlier, when he joyfully removed the piece of paper that contained the meaning of life on it.

Remarkably it had the very faint smell of apricot jam and

of spuds. Wiping the mud off his hands and knees he

wondered how they actually had mud on them,seeing he was in the pub cadging drinks out of his dear old mum/dad. Perhaps there was a freaky pervert running around the pub smearing mud randomly on the patrons apparel. Brian really didn't care to think on it too long. Because now he really needed to

answer the call of nature

and then depart the pub to make his way to the railway station at

7.45, as he had to catch the 7.50 express to

Moldivia, way out west where the sun never sets. He was very excited by this prospect as he

the fells in peterborough to buy the bulbs for next years tulips

which lead to an interesting dilemma, not to mention an argument, as to which of his personalities was travelling to what destination. This was resolved by

one of the writers, who

is far better with words than Brian

which isn't difficult

But Brian is a wiz with the dialect of mumble

the question remained though as to which writer would step into the breach? This particular one needed a comfort break so was stepping out for a moment,

unfortunately forgetting he was on the 7th floor....

but, not forgetting that he didn't need to step out that far ...