did her best to stay out of the way of any hunrgy monkeys. But it just sop happened that on this fatefull day

a thundering great big ape, resembling Brian, emerged from a quiet laneway. For the next few hours

he upturned cars and destroyed the flower bed that Julie had spent so long last summer making. He then turned his attention to...

to Julie's banana like appearance. The ape chased Julie all the way to the

car wash garage, there was no other way out. Julie had to go through the car wash and then the troubles began....

Due to the large amount of soap in her eyes from running through the car wash, Julie's vision was upset, and she actually began to think Brian was attractive. In fact, she was so attracted to Brian that she

gave him her shield soap to use - well he did hum a little......

and then she saw this bright light gently comming towards her.

and a voice called out "go into the light, do not be afraid"

but she was afraid, very very very afraid.

of the wolf type thingy that beckoned from the other side,the wind howled and screamed around the bedroom

causing her Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles duvet cover to

fly off the bed and throw itself into the already open dishwasher, believing it was the washing machine that had just been delivered last week. Then, just to add more drama to it's plight, Brian

stopped to make a sandwich.

He used the sharpest knife in the kitchen and, after he had used it, he threw it into the dishwasher. The duvet trembled as the knife

landed gently on top of it, depositing traces of jam on top of the print of Leonardo,

which resembled ...

a beard and long hair, giving the duvet the jammy effect of the Shroud of Turin, which in turn gave rise to lots of rubbish books explaining that this, in fact, was scientific proof of how the Shroud had originally been created.

The following day, Brian, being the eternal attention-seeker that he is, contacted the media. He claimed to have solid

proof that the turin shroud was indeed real. Brian hoped to

cash in on this concept Like Dan Brown had with his fifth novel, entitled Turtles and Jam: The Ninja Code.

However, the book never really got into the top

shelves of the newsagents run by Michelle, as there really wasn't enough nudity in it to satisfy her.

She had some rather unsavoury ideas about what should and should not appear in books anyway. Nobody really took her all that

seriously. This deeply upset Michelle causing her to