FUN THINGS 2 DO ON A BORING DAY!!

[bambi]

IN GENERAL!!

Have a staring contest with a baby.

Pay a nickel less on your apartment rent.

Have a contest to find out who can see the farthest.

Watch TV with the volume muted and speak for the characters.

File a restraining order against your pets. "Sparky, quit following me!"

Hire a bodyguard...and then, go out starting as many fights as possible.

Name your pet God. "Come here, God, come here! God wanna go outside?"

On a job application, where it asks about felony convictions, answer: "Yes (I killed a bee.)"

Instead of bringing a doctor's note to work after a sick day, show your boss a picture of your sick.

[bambi]

ON THE PHONE

Answer the telephone in a mean grunt.

Call work on your day off and say you aren't going in.

Call the local bakery and ask if they have urinal cakes.

When the phone rings, pick it up and ask for somebody.

When ordering a pizza, emphasize that this order is "to go".

When you call someone and get a wrong number, ask what the right one is.

Call the phone number on a "Lost Dog" sign and tell them you haven't found it yet.

For an answering machine message, just say that "you called to leave a message. Bye."

[bambi]

IN THE MAIL

Mail a blank piece of paper to someone.

End a formal letter with the words, "Sincerely...Me".

Write the words "RETURN TO SENDER" on your incoming bills.

Change the name on your magazine subscriptions to "CURRENT RESIDENT".

Send someone an invitation to your party, and write inside that they're not invited.

OUT AND ABOUT

Ride the bus for only a block.

Bring a camcorder to a funeral.

Play softball with friends in the cemetery.

Go back into work the day after you've been fired.

Drive a half mile with your middle finger out the window.

As the bus comes, hold out your thumb as if you're hitchhiking.

Say to somebody in a public restroom, "So, takin' a _______, huh?"

Enter a room full of people, and ask them all to leave because you need time alone.

Announce "Whoa, that was a close one!" after zipping your pants at a restoom urinal.

Have your car radio blasting as you visit the Drive Thru speaker of a fast food restaurant.

Get on an elevator full of people and push all the number buttons so it stops at every floor.

In a movie theater, constantly whisper to the person beside you, "Here comes the next part."

When writing a check, ask to make it for ten over. But you don't make it for $10 over, but 10¢ over.

Invite many friends to the easy chair section of a furniture store. Have them sit down as you give a speech.

While driving, ask someone for directions in a heavy foreign accent. Afterwards, thank them in perfect English.

[Wild_Honey]

Some of this IS mean, but I like it.

[shadow1000001]

The scary part is I have done half of this stuff in my younger years

[Rob The Badger]

OUT AND ABOUT

Walk into a full elevator and face the back wall instead of the doors like everyone else. Observe.

Walk into an full elevator. When the doors are close, casually ponder "I wonder if there's enough air in here?".

Wear a large sombrero to a cinema.

Wear a large sombrero to a cinema, and sit in front of the projector.

Practice modem noises (e.g. Screech! Bruuubabababbr EEEEEEEScreeeEEEEch!) at work, or school when applicable.

Speak in third person all day.

[Wild_Honey]

[bambi]

How to Have Fun in a Crowded Elevator


smack your forehead and mutter: "Shut up! Shut up! All of you just shut up!"

Crack open your briefcase or purse, peer inside, and ask, "Got enough air in there?"

Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I've got new socks on!"

Meow occasionally.

Bet the other passengers that you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce: "You're one of them." Then move to the far corner of the elevator.

Walk on with an appropriately sized cooler that says "human head" on the side.

Wear a child's puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

Say "ding" at each floor.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host!"

[bambi]

20 Ways to scare people in a computer lab




Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face & scream, "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes then suddenly stop & look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

Work normally for awhile. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen & crawl underneath the desk.

Every time you press Return & there is processing time required, pray,"Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," & scream "YES!" when it finishes.

"DISK FIGHT!"

Put a straw in your mouth & put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2" disk drive. When it doesn't work, complain to the supervisor.

Take the keyboard & sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor & complain about the bad working conditions.

Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!" & continue working.

Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.

When doing calculations, pull out an abacus & say that sometimes the old ways are best.

Remove your disk from the drive & hide it. Go to the lab monitor & complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

Keep looking at invisible bugs & trying to swat them.

Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black & Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, & then walk to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week."

Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer with a different screen than the one it's set up with.

Enter the lab, undress, & start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.

Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

[bambi]

Hope this makes you smile......
EVER WONDER where we are headed? ...

...why the sun lighten r hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

AND... in case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[Wild_Honey]

Geez this is SOOO fun!!!

[bambi]

things 2 do in the toilet


Put clear Glad Wrap over the toilet bowl. Pull it tight so that you can't tell it's there until it's too late.

Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

Drop a marble and say, "Oh @#%$! My glass eye!"

Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

Say, "Now how did that get there?"

When it's really quiet, suddenly shout, "Not another anal wart!"

Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy.

Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl.

Put Icy-Hot on the toilet seats.

Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

Put ice water and instant Jell-o mix in the toilets.

Write 'nerdy' graffitti like "Please wash your hands. Thank you."

Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

Start a sing-a-long.

Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper.

Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

When someone enters the stall next to you, squish a Snickers candy bar in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say, "You got any more toilet paper over there? This side's completely out."

Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

Once you enter a stall, start laughing maniacally.

Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install.

Snore.

Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

[bambi]

Bored at your local walmart? Here's a list of things to do that will shake things up a bit Feel free to add on!

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"

6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this @#%$, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins. 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."

52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.

54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

56. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

57. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."

58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

59. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

60.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

61.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

62.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

63.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

64. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

66. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

67. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

68. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!

[bambi]

THINGS 2 DO @ WORK!!

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Insist that your e-mail address is xena-warrior-princess@companyname.com or elvis-the-king@companyname.com.

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think".

Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy".

Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

dont use any punctuation or spell check

dontputspacesinbetweenyourwords

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Sing along at the opera.

"Own" a spork.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Find out where your boss shops and buy the exact, same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. Example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, stall #3."

Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.

Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.

Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! Third time this week!"

When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."

Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

[RSG]

These are really fun, and I am certainly going to try some.
"ooh....magic"

[bambi]

lol u shud !

[bambi]

lol u shud !