Courtroom Gaffes.

[RDH]draconia · 27 Jan 2004, 13:26

Courtroom Gaffes.

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are 22 questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

"Were you present when your picture was taken?"

"Were you alone or by yourself?"

"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

"Did he kill you?"
"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

"How many times have you committed suicide?"

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: I have been since early childhood.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
_________________
Wanna Know If Friendly Fire Is On? When You Respawn Shoot The Guy Infront Of You If He Dies, Its On

black dog · 27 Jan 2004, 13:41

Absolutely hilarious. You wouldn't want any of these to defend you.

[RDH]draconia · 27 Jan 2004, 13:46

i know and would you belive that i found these in a spam bowl

much like this off topic but as 1 page

Ageing Bat · 27 Jan 2004, 13:57

You don't know just how much I appreciate these right now!

Brilliant!

DIZZY DRUMMER · 27 Jan 2004, 14:07

shadow1000001 · 28 Jan 2004, 03:35

OMG

Too funny

Cabbie212 · 28 Jan 2004, 11:29

Very funny - cheered me up no end - bad day at work

mrs badcrumble · 28 Jan 2004, 12:52

Thanks for that .... you've put a smile on my face

Ageing Bat · 28 Jan 2004, 13:16

Actually, reminds me of one of my own - in court a few years ago for the umpteenth time regarding custody, access etc with my ex husband. His barrister said to me:

"I put it to you, madam, that you have done everything within your power to jeopardise and spoil any relationship my client may enjoy with his children"

To which I replied:

"No sir, he's done a perfectly good job without any help from me!"

..... And this was all after he had abducted the children a few months before!

Skeleton · 28 Jan 2004, 17:17

Is all those questions asked by lawyers in courtroom? How people can be so stupid and ask those questions?

Oh my... According to the facts this joke is true: Three doctors was talking about which occupational group is easiest to operate. First doctor said: Librarians. `couse all organs are in alphabethical order. Second doctor said: No, you´re wrong. Architechs ´couse their organs are order by size. Third said: No, both of you are wrong. Lawyers are easiest to operate, couse they don´t have spinal cord, heart and brain.

(Sorry if I insult someone, but I´d like to be lawyer myself so I don´t bother these kind of jokes myself)

27 Jan 2004, 13:26	#1
[RDH]draconia Super Loafer Join Date: 29.10.2003 Location: wickford,essex,england Posts: 374	Courtroom Gaffes. Courtroom Gaffes. Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are 22 questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses: "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?" "Were you present when your picture was taken?" "Were you alone or by yourself?" "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?" "Did he kill you?" "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" "You were there until the time you left, is that true?" "How many times have you committed suicide?" Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: I went to Europe, Sir. Q: And you took your new wife? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: You were not shot in the fracas? A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? A: I have been since early childhood. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere _________________ Wanna Know If Friendly Fire Is On? When You Respawn Shoot The Guy Infront Of You If He Dies, Its On

27 Jan 2004, 13:41	#2
black dog Mega Loafer Join Date: 21.11.2003 Location: Cornwall Posts: 1,667	Absolutely hilarious. You wouldn't want any of these to defend you.

27 Jan 2004, 13:46	#3
[RDH]draconia Super Loafer Join Date: 29.10.2003 Location: wickford,essex,england Posts: 374	i know and would you belive that i found these in a spam bowl much like this off topic but as 1 page

27 Jan 2004, 13:57	#4
Ageing Bat Young at heart. Slightly older in other places. Join Date: 20.11.2003 Location: Here! Posts: 1,311	You don't know just how much I appreciate these right now! Brilliant!

27 Jan 2004, 14:07	#5
DIZZY DRUMMER Always Ready For A Bang Join Date: 30.11.2003 Location: Left In The Dark .......... AGAIN Posts: 6,389

28 Jan 2004, 03:35	#6
shadow1000001 Mega Loafer Join Date: 10.07.2003 Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada Posts: 2,580	OMG Too funny

28 Jan 2004, 11:29	#7
Cabbie212 Loafer Join Date: 17.11.2003 Location: London Posts: 59	Very funny - cheered me up no end - bad day at work

28 Jan 2004, 12:52	#8
mrs badcrumble Junior Loafer Join Date: 18.11.2003 Posts: 28	Thanks for that .... you've put a smile on my face

28 Jan 2004, 13:16	#9
Ageing Bat Young at heart. Slightly older in other places. Join Date: 20.11.2003 Location: Here! Posts: 1,311	Actually, reminds me of one of my own - in court a few years ago for the umpteenth time regarding custody, access etc with my ex husband. His barrister said to me: "I put it to you, madam, that you have done everything within your power to jeopardise and spoil any relationship my client may enjoy with his children" To which I replied: "No sir, he's done a perfectly good job without any help from me!" ..... And this was all after he had abducted the children a few months before!

28 Jan 2004, 17:17	#10
Skeleton Mega Loafer Join Date: 13.10.2003 Location: Grinning, Ducking & Running Posts: 3,668	Is all those questions asked by lawyers in courtroom? How people can be so stupid and ask those questions? Oh my... According to the facts this joke is true: Three doctors was talking about which occupational group is easiest to operate. First doctor said: Librarians. `couse all organs are in alphabethical order. Second doctor said: No, you´re wrong. Architechs ´couse their organs are order by size. Third said: No, both of you are wrong. Lawyers are easiest to operate, couse they don´t have spinal cord, heart and brain. (Sorry if I insult someone, but I´d like to be lawyer myself so I don´t bother these kind of jokes myself)