SHARE UR BEST JOKE!!

Tamsin · 28 Feb 2004, 14:30

Cheer us all up by sharing ur best jokes!!

what do u call a donkey with 3 legs.....

wonkey

heehhe... hmmmmm

next...........

*AndyK* · 28 Feb 2004, 15:48

To keep on the 3 legged theme...........

a 3 legged dog walks into the saloon bar at the OK Coral.

He walks up to the bar tender and orders a whisky in his Texan drawl (he'sa texan dog you see)

"What brings you here pardner?" asks the bar tender.

"Ah'm looking fer the man who shot ma paw" replies the dog.

Heli · 28 Feb 2004, 15:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by AndyK

To keep on the 3 legged theme...........

a 3 legged dog walks into the saloon bar at the OK Coral.

He walks up to the bar tender and orders a whisky in his Texan drawl (he'sa texan dog you see)

"What brings you here pardner?" asks the bar tender.

"Ah'm looking fer the man who shot ma paw" replies the dog.

i don't get it?

*AndyK* · 28 Feb 2004, 15:57

it's a 3 legged dog, from texas........

try speaking the punchline outloud with a texan accent

R. · 28 Feb 2004, 19:38

Probably not the best, but still ...

Quote:

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'
to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But
where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda.
There was an accident down at the brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..." "I must, Brenda.
Your husband is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, drying her eyes she looked up and said, "How did it happen,
Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and
drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go
quickly?"

"Well, no Brenda ... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

ROSIE · 28 Feb 2004, 19:42

The best joke

I married IT

R

sie

Heli · 28 Feb 2004, 19:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by AndyK

it's a 3 legged dog, from texas........

try speaking the punchline outloud with a texan accent

I still don't get it!! Please don't tell me you're already practising for that bad joke competition with my dad!!!

*AndyK* · 28 Feb 2004, 20:04

Well I'm not explaining it!!! :P

Looks liek I may already have won that comp

Heli · 28 Feb 2004, 20:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by AndyK

Well I'm not explaining it!!! :P

Looks liek I may already have won that comp

good well atleast its over sooner, rather than later!!!

angel eyes · 29 Feb 2004, 00:30

A frog goes in to a bank and up to the customers service desk. He noticed the lady was called Miss P Wack. He tells her he wants to borrow £10,000 pounds. She asks him if he has a house or insurance policy to use a collateral. He says no, all he has is a little ornament that his father, Mick Jagger gave him. He assured her this would be ok. She told the frog she would have to consult the manager. She relays the story to the Manager. He asks to look at the ornament and the turns to her and says:-

"Nik nak Patty Wack, give the frog a loan - his old man's a Rolling Stone!"

Love

Angelxxx

Heli · 29 Feb 2004, 00:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by AndyK

To keep on the 3 legged theme...........

a 3 legged dog walks into the saloon bar at the OK Coral.

He walks up to the bar tender and orders a whisky in his Texan drawl (he'sa texan dog you see)

"What brings you here pardner?" asks the bar tender.

"Ah'm looking fer the man who shot ma paw" replies the dog.

oh i get it now!!!!!

It's still not funny tho!!!!

DIZZY DRUMMER · 16 Mar 2004, 11:45

Susan and John were patients at the insane asylum. One day Susan got tired of waiting patiently outside the bathroom door for John to emerge and kicked it in. Inside, she found
John trying to drown himself in the bathtub. She saved him from sure death by pulling him from the tub.

A few days later, the director of the asylum reviewed her file and called her into his office.
"According to your records and your heroic behavior, it indicates that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved, later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Susan replied. "I hung him up to dry."

Rob The Badger · 16 Mar 2004, 18:15

I loved Andy's. Great stuff.

R. · 16 Mar 2004, 20:45

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

Chris · 16 Mar 2004, 21:30

A dyslexic devil-worshipper sold his soul to Santa

**The Flying Mouse** · 17 Mar 2004, 04:26

*sings* Old McDonald was dyslexic, oi yip goom fit een........

*shamlessly stolen from Billy Conelly*

**The Flying Mouse** · 17 Mar 2004, 04:47

A bear is beatting up a rabbit in a forest.As he is being hit, the rabbit spots an old brass lamp out of the corner of his eye.
The bear follows his gaze and also sees the lamp.
The bear picks up the lamp and proseeds to repeatadly hammer it on the rabbits head.As one blow deflect down the rabbits back, the lamp is rubbed down his fur.With a flash of light a Genie appears.

"Thank god for that" says the Genie."I've been in there for years.Now look, this really is against the rules, but as you were both here when I was released, i'm gonna grant you BOTH three wishes".
The rabbit opens his mouth to speak, but is hit by the bear."Me first" the bear growled."Now look" he continued, " i've always thought of myself as a stud amongst bears, so, I WISH THAT I WAS THE ONLY MALE BEAR IN THIS FOREST".
"You got it" says the Genie, who waves his wand and grants the bears first wish.
The rabbit stands there deep in thought before finally deciding "I WANT A MOTORBIKE".
With a wave of the genie's wand, the rabbit is the proud owner of a brand new Harley.

"OK gents, second wish" the genie prompted.
"I WISH" the bear said, "THAT I WAS THE ONLY MALE BEAR IN AMERICA".
"I must say you'r very easy to please" the genie says as he grants the bears second wish.
"I WANT A HELMET TO GO WITH MY MOTORBIKE" says the rabbit excitedly.
"All yours" says the genie and presents the rabbit with a helmet.

"OK gents, third and final" says the genie."What's it gonna be?"
The bear raised himself up to his full height and yelled "I WISH I WAS THE ONLY MALE BEAR IN THE WORLD"
"Consider it done" says the genie with a wave of his wand.
The rabbit pulled on his helmet and climed on his brand new Harley.
Before riding off at high speed, he shouted his last wish over his shoulder.........

"I WISH THAT BEAR WAS GAY"

ChrissybabezNI · 17 Mar 2004, 15:07

Ok so there was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotchman
They were talking about their sons and the Englishman said, 'My son was born on st Georges day, so we called him George. 'What a coincidence' said the Scotch man. 'My son was born on St Andrews day, so we called him Andrew'. 'Would you believe that' said the Irishman. 'Thats exactly what happened to my son Pancake'

airhead · 17 Mar 2004, 16:51

This is rude so don't have a go at me... It's the best one i know but it's preety crap.

An old man and woman go to a doctors surgery. The doctor asks "what can i do for you?" And the old man says "I want you to watch our orgasm." So the doctor, a little embarrased, reluctantly says "ok then" As it's the call of duty. At the end he says "I can't see nothing wrong" And the old couple go home.

Every day for the next two weeks the couple went in and complained about their orgasm, and each time the doctor says it's ok. On the monday of the third week the couple came in yet again and complained about their orgasm.

The doctor is pretty fed up by this time so he says "You have been coming here every day for the past few weeks. Thre is nothing wrong. Maybe you and your wife might want to see a RELATE counsillor,"

"Oh no," cried the shocked old man. "We can't do it at her house because her hubby is there, and we can't do it at my house because the wife is there. Over here we get paid by BUPA to do it"

crappy i know...

scotty · 20 Mar 2004, 08:53

Man goes to the doctors complaining of a problem with his hearing, The doctor says to the man 'what are the symptons'
To which the man replied ' A yellow cartoon family'

Boom Boom!

Skeleton · 22 Mar 2004, 16:13

What is James Bond´s favourite band?

Spy´s Girls.

Kitty Kat · 22 Mar 2004, 20:30

Back to the donkey jokes - What do you call a one eyed, three legged donkey? A winkey wonkey donkey.

Don't do yourselves any damage laughing at this - it was the cleanest one I know.

shadow1000001 · 16 Apr 2004, 23:52

I apologize to all the blondes out there

I just couldn't resist posting this one

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, " let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Crystal Eyes · 17 Apr 2004, 14:35

Blonde Jokes! I'm allowed to tell them 'cos I'm blonde.

There's a blonde, a brunette and a red head and they are all stuck on a desert island. One day they are wandering along the beach when they spot an old brass lamp being washed up and down the beach by the waves. Curiously the brunette picks it up and rubs it clean and is not totally surprised when a genie appears before them.
"Greetings," says the genie. "I am the genie of the lamp and I will grant you each one wish."
Overjoyed the brunette cries, "I wish I was home!" and she vanishes. The red head picks up the lamp and she too wishes to go home. The blonde looks around sadly at the empty beach and sighs.
"I wish my friends were back here."

Emily · 17 Apr 2004, 18:28

I know I've told this joke a thousand times, but I'll tell it again because I cant think of anything else........

WHAT DO YOU CALL A DONKEY WITH 3 LEGS???????

WONKEY!!!!!!!!!!

I know its not funny...

Emily

28 Feb 2004, 14:30	#1
Tamsin Senior Loafer Join Date: 17.01.2004 Location: belfast Posts: 138	SHARE UR BEST JOKE!! Cheer us all up by sharing ur best jokes!! what do u call a donkey with 3 legs..... wonkey heehhe... hmmmmm next...........

28 Feb 2004, 15:48	#2
AndyK Relentless Join Date: 21.11.2003 Location: Over the top..... seeing what's on the other side Posts: 18,694	To keep on the 3 legged theme........... a 3 legged dog walks into the saloon bar at the OK Coral. He walks up to the bar tender and orders a whisky in his Texan drawl (he'sa texan dog you see) "What brings you here pardner?" asks the bar tender. "Ah'm looking fer the man who shot ma paw" replies the dog.

28 Feb 2004, 15:57	#4
AndyK Relentless Join Date: 21.11.2003 Location: Over the top..... seeing what's on the other side Posts: 18,694	it's a 3 legged dog, from texas........ try speaking the punchline outloud with a texan accent

28 Feb 2004, 19:42	#6
ROSIE Invisible again! Join Date: 30.06.2003 Location: Suffolk Posts: 1,240	The best joke I married IT R sie

28 Feb 2004, 20:04	#8
AndyK Relentless Join Date: 21.11.2003 Location: Over the top..... seeing what's on the other side Posts: 18,694	Well I'm not explaining it!!! :P Looks liek I may already have won that comp

29 Feb 2004, 00:30	#10
angel eyes Senior Loafer Join Date: 18.11.2003 Location: North East Posts: 183	A frog goes in to a bank and up to the customers service desk. He noticed the lady was called Miss P Wack. He tells her he wants to borrow £10,000 pounds. She asks him if he has a house or insurance policy to use a collateral. He says no, all he has is a little ornament that his father, Mick Jagger gave him. He assured her this would be ok. She told the frog she would have to consult the manager. She relays the story to the Manager. He asks to look at the ornament and the turns to her and says:- "Nik nak Patty Wack, give the frog a loan - his old man's a Rolling Stone!" Love Angelxxx

16 Mar 2004, 11:45	#12
DIZZY DRUMMER Always Ready For A Bang Join Date: 30.11.2003 Location: Left In The Dark .......... AGAIN Posts: 6,389	Susan and John were patients at the insane asylum. One day Susan got tired of waiting patiently outside the bathroom door for John to emerge and kicked it in. Inside, she found John trying to drown himself in the bathtub. She saved him from sure death by pulling him from the tub. A few days later, the director of the asylum reviewed her file and called her into his office. "According to your records and your heroic behavior, it indicates that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved, later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Susan replied. "I hung him up to dry."

16 Mar 2004, 18:15	#13
Rob The Badger Too sexy for this post Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 2,895	I loved Andy's. Great stuff.

16 Mar 2004, 20:45	#14
R. You dig. Join Date: 02.04.2002 Location: On the fothermucker Posts: 7,179	A dyslexic walks into a bra.

16 Mar 2004, 21:30	#15
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	A dyslexic devil-worshipper sold his soul to Santa

17 Mar 2004, 04:26	#16
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	sings Old McDonald was dyslexic, oi yip goom fit een........ shamlessly stolen from Billy Conelly

17 Mar 2004, 04:47	#17
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	A bear is beatting up a rabbit in a forest.As he is being hit, the rabbit spots an old brass lamp out of the corner of his eye. The bear follows his gaze and also sees the lamp. The bear picks up the lamp and proseeds to repeatadly hammer it on the rabbits head.As one blow deflect down the rabbits back, the lamp is rubbed down his fur.With a flash of light a Genie appears. "Thank god for that" says the Genie."I've been in there for years.Now look, this really is against the rules, but as you were both here when I was released, i'm gonna grant you BOTH three wishes". The rabbit opens his mouth to speak, but is hit by the bear."Me first" the bear growled."Now look" he continued, " i've always thought of myself as a stud amongst bears, so, I WISH THAT I WAS THE ONLY MALE BEAR IN THIS FOREST". "You got it" says the Genie, who waves his wand and grants the bears first wish. The rabbit stands there deep in thought before finally deciding "I WANT A MOTORBIKE". With a wave of the genie's wand, the rabbit is the proud owner of a brand new Harley. "OK gents, second wish" the genie prompted. "I WISH" the bear said, "THAT I WAS THE ONLY MALE BEAR IN AMERICA". "I must say you'r very easy to please" the genie says as he grants the bears second wish. "I WANT A HELMET TO GO WITH MY MOTORBIKE" says the rabbit excitedly. "All yours" says the genie and presents the rabbit with a helmet. "OK gents, third and final" says the genie."What's it gonna be?" The bear raised himself up to his full height and yelled "I WISH I WAS THE ONLY MALE BEAR IN THE WORLD" "Consider it done" says the genie with a wave of his wand. The rabbit pulled on his helmet and climed on his brand new Harley. Before riding off at high speed, he shouted his last wish over his shoulder......... "I WISH THAT BEAR WAS GAY"

17 Mar 2004, 15:07	#18
ChrissybabezNI Super Loafer Join Date: 18.11.2003 Location: Carrickfergus, Northern Ireland Posts: 352	Ok so there was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotchman They were talking about their sons and the Englishman said, 'My son was born on st Georges day, so we called him George. 'What a coincidence' said the Scotch man. 'My son was born on St Andrews day, so we called him Andrew'. 'Would you believe that' said the Irishman. 'Thats exactly what happened to my son Pancake'

17 Mar 2004, 16:51	#19
airhead the enchanted spleen Join Date: 12.02.2004 Location: ok, you see that sweet little cottage? I live next door in the nuthouse. Posts: 1,909	This is rude so don't have a go at me... It's the best one i know but it's preety crap. An old man and woman go to a doctors surgery. The doctor asks "what can i do for you?" And the old man says "I want you to watch our orgasm." So the doctor, a little embarrased, reluctantly says "ok then" As it's the call of duty. At the end he says "I can't see nothing wrong" And the old couple go home. Every day for the next two weeks the couple went in and complained about their orgasm, and each time the doctor says it's ok. On the monday of the third week the couple came in yet again and complained about their orgasm. The doctor is pretty fed up by this time so he says "You have been coming here every day for the past few weeks. Thre is nothing wrong. Maybe you and your wife might want to see a RELATE counsillor," "Oh no," cried the shocked old man. "We can't do it at her house because her hubby is there, and we can't do it at my house because the wife is there. Over here we get paid by BUPA to do it" crappy i know...

20 Mar 2004, 08:53	#20
scotty Mega Loafer Join Date: 25.11.2003 Location: Harlow Essex Posts: 1,166	Man goes to the doctors complaining of a problem with his hearing, The doctor says to the man 'what are the symptons' To which the man replied ' A yellow cartoon family' Boom Boom!

22 Mar 2004, 16:13	#21
Skeleton Mega Loafer Join Date: 13.10.2003 Location: Grinning, Ducking & Running Posts: 3,668	What is James Bond´s favourite band? Spy´s Girls.

22 Mar 2004, 20:30	#22
Kitty Kat Senior Loafer Join Date: 03.09.2003 Location: West Yorkshire, UK Posts: 198	Back to the donkey jokes - What do you call a one eyed, three legged donkey? A winkey wonkey donkey. Don't do yourselves any damage laughing at this - it was the cleanest one I know.

16 Apr 2004, 23:52	#23
shadow1000001 Mega Loafer Join Date: 10.07.2003 Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada Posts: 2,580	I apologize to all the blondes out there I just couldn't resist posting this one A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, " let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

17 Apr 2004, 14:35	#24
Crystal Eyes Super Loafer Join Date: 09.07.2003 Location: In the clouds Posts: 649	Blonde Jokes! I'm allowed to tell them 'cos I'm blonde. There's a blonde, a brunette and a red head and they are all stuck on a desert island. One day they are wandering along the beach when they spot an old brass lamp being washed up and down the beach by the waves. Curiously the brunette picks it up and rubs it clean and is not totally surprised when a genie appears before them. "Greetings," says the genie. "I am the genie of the lamp and I will grant you each one wish." Overjoyed the brunette cries, "I wish I was home!" and she vanishes. The red head picks up the lamp and she too wishes to go home. The blonde looks around sadly at the empty beach and sighs. "I wish my friends were back here."

17 Apr 2004, 18:28	#25
Emily Mega Loafer Join Date: 28.12.2003 Location: N.I Posts: 1,085	I know I've told this joke a thousand times, but I'll tell it again because I cant think of anything else........ WHAT DO YOU CALL A DONKEY WITH 3 LEGS??????? WONKEY!!!!!!!!!! I know its not funny... Emily