25 facts about Chuck Norris.

**The Flying Mouse** · 12 Jan 2006, 19:36

Blatently nicked from another forum

.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad he's never cried.

When Chuck Norris has had sex with a man, it's not because he's gay, it's because he's run out of women.

McGyver can build a plane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books.He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When you ask Chuck Norris the time, he always says two minutes to.When you ask him two minutes to what?, he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only m£$^£&$"^s to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb.Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the Street Fighter II video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick.When asked about this "glitch", he replied "that ain't no glitch".

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleld martial arts ability.Shortly after the transaction was finalised, Chuck Norris kicked the Devil in the face and took his soul back.The Devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.Then now play poker together every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.Shortly after the animal sprung back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking it's neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris does not sleep.He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine to go back in time and stop the JFK assasination.As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met vall three bullets with his beard, deflecting them.JFK's head exploded in sheer amazment.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse.....Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was the forth wiseman.He brought the baby Jesus the gift of "beard".Jesus wore it proudly till his sying day.The other wise men, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favouritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible.Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

There are no disabled people.Onlt people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out so he gets the pleasure.

To prove that it isn't such a big deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for two years and developed seven different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard.There is only another fist.

THe original theme song to Transformers was actually - "Chuck Norris?, more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris, robot in disguise", and stared Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing decepticons and could turn into a pick up.This was far too awesome for a single show, however, so it was devided.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris was beat up by a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell him urine as a canned beverage.We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Gez · 16 Jan 2006, 21:47

Keab42 · 01 May 2006, 21:52

reviving this thread cos i found this

Ross · 02 May 2006, 03:15

LMAO

Rockette · 02 May 2006, 08:06

Thank God, Meat never looked like that.

Caelan · 02 May 2006, 10:23

R. · 10 May 2007, 20:24

Holy thread bump batman ...

YouTube Video

**RadioMaster** · 10 May 2007, 21:01

How was the universe created?
Chuck Norris met the nothing and said "Get the f'ck a job!"

Hypnobabe · 12 May 2007, 00:43

More facts about Chuck Norris...

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Lord Kagan · 16 May 2007, 18:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hypnobabe

More facts about Chuck Norris...

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

thats the best one so far

12 Jan 2006, 19:36	#1
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	25 facts about Chuck Norris. Blatently nicked from another forum . Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad he's never cried. When Chuck Norris has had sex with a man, it's not because he's gay, it's because he's run out of women. McGyver can build a plane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Chuck Norris doesn't read books.He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. When you ask Chuck Norris the time, he always says two minutes to.When you ask him two minutes to what?, he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris only m£$^£&$"^s to pictures of Chuck Norris. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb.Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris appeared in the Street Fighter II video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick.When asked about this "glitch", he replied "that ain't no glitch". Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleld martial arts ability.Shortly after the transaction was finalised, Chuck Norris kicked the Devil in the face and took his soul back.The Devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.Then now play poker together every second Wednesday of the month. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.Shortly after the animal sprung back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking it's neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Chuck Norris does not sleep.He waits. Chuck Norris built a time machine to go back in time and stop the JFK assasination.As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met vall three bullets with his beard, deflecting them.JFK's head exploded in sheer amazment. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse.....Horses are hung like Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris was the forth wiseman.He brought the baby Jesus the gift of "beard".Jesus wore it proudly till his sying day.The other wise men, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favouritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible.Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. There are no disabled people.Onlt people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out so he gets the pleasure. To prove that it isn't such a big deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for two years and developed seven different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard.There is only another fist. THe original theme song to Transformers was actually - "Chuck Norris?, more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris, robot in disguise", and stared Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing decepticons and could turn into a pick up.This was far too awesome for a single show, however, so it was devided. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. It was once believed that Chuck Norris was beat up by a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.Pirates never were very smart. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell him urine as a canned beverage.We know this beverage as Red Bull.

16 Jan 2006, 21:47	#2
Gez Knicker thief Join Date: 17.04.2003 Location: auch...not on the fence Posts: 5,633

01 May 2006, 21:52	#3
Keab42 Astrophysicist At Large Join Date: 19.04.2003 Location: Beneath his dreaming tree Posts: 4,284	reviving this thread cos i found this

02 May 2006, 03:15	#4
Ross Best Sig and Avatar 2006!!! (shared) Join Date: 25.11.2003 Location: Coatbridge near Glasgow. Scotland Posts: 3,446	LMAO

02 May 2006, 08:06	#5
Rockette Mega Loafer Join Date: 10.06.2005 Location: I think! Posts: 4,805	Thank God, Meat never looked like that.

02 May 2006, 10:23	#6
Caelan life is one big adventure Join Date: 23.06.2005 Location: some town in Alberta called Leduc Posts: 5,550

10 May 2007, 21:01	#8
RadioMaster The German Join Date: 11.03.2006 Location: some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos... Posts: 15,778	How was the universe created? Chuck Norris met the nothing and said "Get the f'ck a job!"

12 May 2007, 00:43	#9
Hypnobabe mszee's Mistress with sexy goddess boots Join Date: 13.07.2005 Location: Hitting the highway like a battering ram... Posts: 7,686	More facts about Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.