39 Things You Should've Learned by Now.......

[shadow1000001]

Sorry guys, I just couldn't resist this one




39 THINGS YOU SHOULD'VE LEARNED BY NOW


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very
often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've
never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need
the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of
cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts
feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of
the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to
the real world.
25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word would be "meetings".
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
illness".
28. People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and
dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we put the clocks back.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see
an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age
eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of
age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is
that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average
drivers.
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is
not a nice person.
38. Your friends love you anyway
39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone
amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the
Titanic

[Tim]

hahahah, those are very funny!!! Love them!

[Ross]

Originally Posted by Tim

hahahah, those are very funny!!! Love them!

And some of them very true also!