Physics

R. · 20 Jun 2006, 20:54

Groundbreaking Anti-Gravity Secret discovered!

Interested? Read on ...

Theory Of Perpetual Motion

Prerequisites:

Theory:
If the combined constructed of cat + butter were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it cannot fall.

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system.
Cat_toast.JPG
In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats.

Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet.

Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula:

p = s * t(t)/t?

'p' is the probability of carpet impact,

's' is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero.

t? and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even Chicken Tikka Masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.

So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use Chicken Tikka Masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet.

Therefore a cat with Chicken Tikka Masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research.

Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with Chicken Tikka Masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet.

In essence, you have discovered the secret of antigravity. A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat’s limbs, allowing descent.

It has been theorized by some researchers that most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies. The most obvious danger of feline antigravity propulsion is that lithe cats may manage to lick the butter off their backs. They will then instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn’t do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and pissed off aliens crash on top of them. This suggests that aliens have not yet discovered tikka masala sauce and that some researchers really should stop watching Star Trek.

Amazing, isn't it? Now discuss.

Lord Kagan · 20 Jun 2006, 22:39

Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.

Trying to show off how

**RadioMaster** · 20 Jun 2006, 22:53

Great!

And thanks to our Doctor of Butterology

Btw, can you send me the text per email, somehow I cant copy it to my mail program...

Lord Kagan · 20 Jun 2006, 22:59

The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.

Cartoon laws, these are actual laws

Chris · 20 Jun 2006, 23:05

The problem with using cats is that the monorail will spend three hours hiding under a hedge before shooting off regardless of what is around or if another monorail is coming.

**RadioMaster** · 20 Jun 2006, 23:17

The problem which I see is:
What is an antigravitational system useful for aliens who fly in space where is naturally no gravitation.
We would need more something like an extra gravitation causing machine which could use it´s own weight and the weight of the planet where it´s from to cause a centrifugal effect.

So seen on from that point of view a cat/butter engine wouldnt be useful for a higher speed reaching vehicle. It would be even slower than a common vehicle

Chris · 20 Jun 2006, 23:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radiomaster

The problem which I see is:
What is an antigravitational system useful for aliens who fly in space where is naturally no gravitation.

A common misconception. Assuming we only inhabit the standard 4-dimensional universe (ignoring [super]string theory and so on) then there is no point in the known universe at which you are outside the effects of gravity. We only appear to be as we become the largest mass object in the vicinity and so our own gravitational field counteracts the weakened fields of other stellar objects.

A cat powered monorail could work for reducing contact friciton but would have no bearing on air resistance. Indeed, given the air trapping properties of fur then it would probably increase air resistance in which case you would be better operating in a vacuum tube. This would obviously kill the cats and therefore the first run would be halted by RSPCA types chaining themselves to the track or whatever.

Incidentally, if the cats were killed through being run in a vacuum, does a dead cat land on it's feet?

And furthermore, if we ran in an obscured vacuum tube, lined with a radioactive source with a 50% chance of decay does that mean that Schrodingers Law comes into effect and we could probably reduce cat casualties to only 50% of the previous figure??

**RadioMaster** · 20 Jun 2006, 23:57

I don´t know what is more disturbing:
The fact that you are telling such crap or that I seem to understand it

Lord Kagan · 20 Jun 2006, 23:59

As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.

Chris · 21 Jun 2006, 00:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radiomaster

I don´t know what is more disturbing:
The fact that you are telling such crap or that I seem to understand it

.

The first paragraph is entirely true, gravity exists everwhere in 4-dimensional space.

The rest is just simple logic to me adn Mr jack Daniels.

R. · 21 Jun 2006, 00:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radiomaster

I don´t know what is more disturbing:
The fact that you are telling such crap or that I seem to understand it

Both. And that all of you completely neglect the Tikka Masala effect.

20 Jun 2006, 20:54	#1
R. You dig. Join Date: 02.04.2002 Location: On the fothermucker Posts: 7,179	Physics Groundbreaking Anti-Gravity Secret discovered! Interested? Read on ... Theory Of Perpetual Motion Prerequisites: Law 1: The Laws of Butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground. Law 2: The equally strict Laws of Feline Aerodynamics demand that the cat cannot smash its furry back - it must land on its feet. Theory: If the combined constructed of cat + butter were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it cannot fall. When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. Cat_toast.JPG In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: *p = s t(t)/t? 'p' is the probability of carpet impact, 's' is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. t? and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even Chicken Tikka Masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour. So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use Chicken Tikka Masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with Chicken Tikka Masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research. Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with Chicken Tikka Masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet. In essence, you have discovered the secret of antigravity.** A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat’s limbs, allowing descent. It has been theorized by some researchers that most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies. The most obvious danger of feline antigravity propulsion is that lithe cats may manage to lick the butter off their backs. They will then instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn’t do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and pissed off aliens crash on top of them. This suggests that aliens have not yet discovered tikka masala sauce and that some researchers really should stop watching Star Trek. Amazing, isn't it? Now discuss.

20 Jun 2006, 22:39	#2
Lord Kagan On the other hand, You have different fingers Join Date: 17.05.2006 Location: Belfast Posts: 8,833	Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease. Trying to show off how

20 Jun 2006, 22:53	#3
RadioMaster The German Join Date: 11.03.2006 Location: some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos... Posts: 15,778	Great! And thanks to our Doctor of Butterology Btw, can you send me the text per email, somehow I cant copy it to my mail program...

20 Jun 2006, 22:59	#4
Lord Kagan On the other hand, You have different fingers Join Date: 17.05.2006 Location: Belfast Posts: 8,833	The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful. Cartoon laws, these are actual laws

20 Jun 2006, 23:05	#5
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	The problem with using cats is that the monorail will spend three hours hiding under a hedge before shooting off regardless of what is around or if another monorail is coming.

20 Jun 2006, 23:17	#6
RadioMaster The German Join Date: 11.03.2006 Location: some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos... Posts: 15,778	The problem which I see is: What is an antigravitational system useful for aliens who fly in space where is naturally no gravitation. We would need more something like an extra gravitation causing machine which could use it´s own weight and the weight of the planet where it´s from to cause a centrifugal effect. So seen on from that point of view a cat/butter engine wouldnt be useful for a higher speed reaching vehicle. It would be even slower than a common vehicle

20 Jun 2006, 23:57	#8
RadioMaster The German Join Date: 11.03.2006 Location: some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos... Posts: 15,778	I don´t know what is more disturbing: The fact that you are telling such crap or that I seem to understand it

20 Jun 2006, 23:59	#9
Lord Kagan On the other hand, You have different fingers Join Date: 17.05.2006 Location: Belfast Posts: 8,833	As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.